The illumination to my epiphany shines brightly into my face.
I log into the world, plugged up
I never know where it will take me
but I explore the deepest rivets of what it has to offer
I stopped reaching for anything and searched for something
The answer falls into my stare
I realize
the solution to my questioning, and encounter a lesson,
Vulnerability looms there in front of my face
to bow down to it
the thing that I've been running from.
I ask God make me powerful enough to make the uncertain certain
while keeping my feelings at bay as I try my hardest not to be vulnerable
but In my attempt to destroy it I fuel it; vulnerability
to feel that I can control and predict my future, and act like I do not
so when I die of old age
I never get to live to be myself intentionally, so that I never truly see myself suffering from my uncertainty that certainly I played the part to make it appear as though this was my choice and in turn never having to fess up to my true lack of courage.
May 26, 2016
May 26, 2016 at 7:47 PM UTC
perphaps what's really missing
is the satisfaction
i get when writing
anything
anything at all
anything that my brain wants to say
the dire need is rewarding
once the deed is done its
alarming
how much my brain
needs a moment
to write
and I wander if I knew
i was charming
and I could forget the fear
clamering
and mandering
with my real life world
Jan 27, 2016
Jan 27, 2016 at 7:42 PM UTC
can you hear my thoughts ?
can you hear my thoughts?
where am i without my thought
no where i am no where at all
Jan 27, 2016
Jan 27, 2016 at 7:22 PM UTC
I'm healing slowly
sometimes I forget just how bad it gets
or was,
just how bad it was
all the time
now all that's left
is a pounding heart
Jan 26, 2016
Jan 26, 2016 at 4:16 PM UTC
She - devil
with the eyes of an angel
a fierce look that will tame you
amazing from any angle.
too hot to handle,
even for a candle.
She's a heartbreaker ---
break your heart and let it dangle
weaves a web you can't untangle
She'll wear your heart on her sleeve,
and put your love on a mantle.
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 1:39 PM UTC
the smile that comes
after saying something
that is so genuinely
unique
and true to you
so that no one
can ever attack it
try as they may
they will never erase it
or take away
the joy it feels
to know it
to be 100% true.
Even if the entire world
was a farse
that would still be true
regardless.
Even if tomorrow I died
I would have understood,
I would have understood
myself.
In this way regardless.
The smile that comes after a poem
when it is so absolutely true
to feel no shame behind it
so that it cures
even the worst
of my indiscretions.
So that each moment
becomes separate
and stagnant
individual
and without the power
to see into the future
I become liberated
for I am not God,
nor do I want the ability
to see everything
so that I lose all control,
as powerful as I'd be
because
The smile that comes after a poem
in the truth
of it
Is enough for me.
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 1:37 PM UTC
In the many forms of writing
I find comfort in the release of all.
the raunchy aspect of sin in my raps,
the truth behind the poems,
the clarity from an article,
I need to say that !
so that I can never forget it !
that each is a different part of
and not at all me altogether.
I am somewhere
in there but not
at all absolute in each
I am fluid,
like the markets
and will always be
regardless.
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 1:32 PM UTC
I want to describe to those who can't see
the view from my window.
I want to try my very hardest
to portray the truth of it as I see it
through only my eyes. The colors faded,
once they were vibrant.
Yellows and warm reds, I feel as though I am in a villa.
Somewhere else, not Florida,
the air it shifts slowly through the palm trees
which I have become accustomed to.
A nice melody plays through my speakers,
something tropical and smooth
you can't hear the singers ego,
she's in love with her soul
and her music , and she doesn't bother me.
You can't see the small lake from where I'm sitting but you can
feel it's ease, the fishes and turtles in it, I've become acquainted with.
It's perfect. Others have their windows open, and I become part of them,
Everything is so beautiful and I feel calm and at ease.
I've seen it so many times before I wander why it is not enough
to keep me content,
It would be
It truly would be
If I didn't have the voices inside of my head.
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 1:17 PM UTC
Oh the allure
of myself
here I am standing
along side
open windows
into the world
so that I become
like a moving painting
to those bystanders
looking
but there is no one
so I stand
and forget
I cry
and I dance
I am a moving piece of artwork
to the bystanders looking
but there is nobody
so that I become consumed
by my own mind,
hrowing and heaving
dancing and crying
so that I am a moving piece of artwork
to the one person
staring
when they stare I do not know
but I am aware that they look
otherwise I wouldn't feel so
ashamed
to be a moving piece of artwork
to the bystanders.
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 1:13 PM UTC
when did I become disregarded as a human
I guess i let that side of me disappear
i still felt it in my tears
they fell and feel
and even the drugs couldn't numb away
whatever was being washed away
by all the hate
I wonder what I was becoming
or If i could even pull myself together
where was I nowhere
I think I left and I was succumbing to being
angry
all the time
just angry
I couldn't undo
what was happening
and I couldn't explain
I never felt so much
disdain
I think I have the worst of all brains
I bring out the worst of everybody
and who does that make me
I had no one to turn to
not even my own mother
I had lost everything
I was down to nothing
How could I forget I'm a human,
when did i become degraded
how did i let in this sort
of dogma
I was standing still
but all i thought of was running
the two forces pulling at each other
and I was being torn apart a pain
so real
I forgot to feel at all
Sep 5, 2015
Sep 5, 2015 at 3:05 PM UTC