Sitting there alone, well not alone he had his pacifier
His swaddle
His tylenol
Cans lined next to his chair, slumped
I look to my father past the addiction and reachout for his love
I used to never see this cushion of his because I was the child
Now I see how numb he is
How lost and unloved he felt
Neglected
He was neglected by everyone he loved
Including me
His family gave him his shovel
And he knew what to do
He dug his grave
And when his family resented him for it he lay down in it
A piece of him dying in that pit
The cloak of adulthood had fallen off him as soon as he turned 18
Becoming an adult made him a child
This poison of family killed him
So he drowned them out
He is gone
Nov 10, 2022
Nov 10, 2022 at 10:01 AM UTC
You are my favorite person, I admit while intoxicated. We were sharing things we both hadn't shared with someone before and you admit it too.
We jump in fast to the relationship spending almost every hour together over that vacation and I wished it would never end
but it did
I flew too close to the sun smothering you because that's all I ever wanted and never received
you were my everything because you liked me too, or so I thought
you were my favorite person, and i was far from yours
I would take your punches and blame myself for them again
everything my favorite person did I loved
then you broke me, I wanted to leave but couldn't
because I would no longer have a favorite person
so you left and the fourth word of the phrase changed
you were my least favorite person
my feelings were the least of your concerns yours were the top of mine
you are my least favorite person
Sep 18, 2022
Sep 18, 2022 at 11:14 PM UTC
I hadn't actually been alone before
i always had someone either by my side or in my mind
and now it's just me
I'm supposed to be healing but all i can do is hurt myself more
drowning out me with me
Sep 18, 2022
Sep 18, 2022 at 10:56 PM UTC
I looked into her eyes, and she looked through mine.
At that moment I realized she was gone long before she left.
This was her ghost.
Haunting my house quietly asking to leave with every aching step that she never reacted to because she couldn't even remember pain.
I looked away from her and when I turned back she hadn't shifted she was a blank statue waiting to die.
Aug 5, 2022
Aug 5, 2022 at 3:20 PM UTC
I don’t ever forgive since it was always my fault in the first place.
I asked for it
I needed the punishment
I’m the criminal
No one wants me
Not even I want me
Jun 1, 2022
Jun 1, 2022 at 10:51 PM UTC
i wish i could help you
but i know that the demons were with you far before me
Dec 25, 2021
Dec 25, 2021 at 6:58 PM UTC
why is it every time I get something I want it's exactly what I don't need?
Dec 21, 2021
Dec 21, 2021 at 9:09 PM UTC
It's not high standards
it's not to look better than other people
it's the insanity of wondering if what you did was enough for approval
Oct 18, 2021
Oct 18, 2021 at 10:51 PM UTC
living would be a lot easier if I would get out of my own way and enjoy life
enjoy the beauty that comes with the person I should love, but instead hate because they will end up hurting me in the end.
Aug 22, 2021
Aug 22, 2021 at 2:05 AM UTC
I don't enjoy the physical pain I cause myself
but it numbs the emotional pain
I do it out of fear
that if I were truly feel happy and okay
that one day my heart would break and there would be no fix
and that the rush of emotions would be overwhelming
but at least with the bruises and scratches I'm used to feeling something unpleasant
and heartbreak isn't as threatening I'm ready for it
I want the pain
Aug 9, 2021
Aug 9, 2021 at 10:32 PM UTC