I remember a life before you.
Feeling joy.
Experiencing pain.
Feelings happiness upon my fingertips
in my hair
and on my tongue.
I remember a life before you.
Friends I cherished.
A past behind me.
A dream spread out in front of me
just inches
from my grasp.
I remember a life before you.
Always searching.
Looking ceaselessly.
Always hoping a person like you
would walk
into my life.
I remember a life before you.
Feeling full.
Looking inward.
Trying to figure myself out
through good choices
and some wrong.
But then you came.
And I erased the before,
the middle,
and the after.
But then you came.
And I never imagined
there'd be
a "just me" again.
But then you came.
Colors brighter,
songs more beautiful,
the world more vibrant.
But then you came.
And then you left.
Oct 31, 2013
Oct 31, 2013 at 4:52 AM UTC
"I am stronger."
I tell myself
Every day
But do I say it
Because I mean it-
Do I say it
Because it's the truth-
Or do I say it
Because it's what everyone else wants to hear.
I don't know
I really don't know
Oct 31, 2013
Oct 31, 2013 at 4:42 AM UTC
i
once
imagined
that loving people
meant they'd love you
i
once
imagined
that if you told the truth
that truth would be given in return
i
once
imagined
that loyalty met loyalty
and good intentions would never be taken as fake
i
once
imagined
that forgiveness should be freely given
and your heart would swell with happiness
i
once
imagined
that best friends, family, and real love
always stayed
i
once
imagined
that words were outwardly expressions
of the things we felt within our hearts
i
once
imagined
that good deeds were only met
by other good deeds
i
once
imagined
that the endless stream of memory-making
would never end
but i learned the world can be harsh
it can rip up your dreams
scatter them to the winds
and make you believe you can't keep going
but i learned that fate
isn't always so kind
and people don't always take you
for face value
but i learned that people will believe
whatever it is they want to believe
to make themselves feel better
or to justify their bad behavior
but what i also learned
is that i still believe in love
i still believe in being honest
i still believe in loyalty
i still believe in being a good person
i still believe in dreaming
and i still believe there are people out there
that will agree
Oct 30, 2013
Oct 30, 2013 at 2:24 AM UTC
i gave you all i had to give
you gave back something less
i spoke to you in dulcet tones
you ripped my organs out my chest
i gave you years of happiness
of memories so bright
you slapped me in the face
with goodbye
and ran away
into the night
i'm starting to see the tunnel
where forgetting you exists
where happiness is felt again
and i can grasp it
in my fists
i'm struggling
i know
to be the person
i was before you came
i'm struggling
i know
to be a person
not just a name
i'm trying to stop loving you
because i'm not getting anywhere this way
i'm trying to say goodbye
just like you did to me that day
i believed the things i said
forever
always, best friends
i believed we'd always fight forward
there would never be an end
i still wake up every morning
to the memory of your face
i still struggle to believe the love
i gave
was more than just a waste
i still see your face
in my rearview mirror
i still anticipate your call
i still hear you walking up to hug me
i still remember where we were
last fall
i want to break free
of this brokenness
i want to break free
of your mem-o-ry
i want to break free
of your goodbye
i simply want
to break free
Oct 30, 2013
Oct 30, 2013 at 1:03 AM UTC
once there was a White Knight
who stole away my fears
rode a mare called Dignity
out of thin air he appeared
once there was a White Knight
equal in loyalty as in compassion
he slayed the dragons inside my heart
in the humblest of known fashion
once there was a White Knight
with a past as black as night
who had become the best all on his own
and now claimed every fight
once there was a White Knight
who sang lullabies in my ear
countless hours in fields of poppies
when he held me, called me Dear
once there was a White Knight
always coming to my aid
taught me about love and its function
never asking to be paid
once there was a White Knight
who never really said goodbye
a court of fools he called friends
stood by like ramparts where he could hide
once there was a White Knight
who still professed to care
said he still respected my person
and that if I must call, he would be there
once there was a White Knight
but now he exists no more
potions, mirrors, black screens
lie scattered across the floor
once there was a White Knight
but now I bid him take his leave
because I've discovered the only Knight I need
is the Knight that's inside of me
Oct 29, 2013
Oct 29, 2013 at 2:02 AM UTC
i tried to cut you out
like cancer
like a tumor
like a part that could be cut
i tried to forget you
like a memory
like a love gone by
like what I ate yesterday for lunch
i tried to breathe you out
like my cigarette smoke
like the words I speak
like the frustrations I let out
i tried to imagine you out
like my life was a fairytale
and I was never caught in this dark wood
and you were never the wolf
but somewhere you're still beating
and it breaks apart my chest
and each night I sit remembering
is another night of endless unrest
and sometimes even thinking of you
makes my thoughts come out in rhyme
and i toss
and turn
with memories
of so much stupid time
- i spent
laying in your arms
or holding you
in mine
and believing in every second
that you'd never run
or lie
but you did lie
over and over
and i took it with grains of salt
and i gave out forgiveness
like it was never
ever
your fault
and now I'm left with
nothing
besides this bad taste
i can't shake
writing poems
contemplating
how much of you is fake
Oct 28, 2013
Oct 28, 2013 at 9:04 PM UTC
I once believed in you
Like a promise that could never be broken
Like a song that could never be unsung
Like a grief that could not be undone
I once believed in you
When you spoke to me of forevers
Cried and said you’d never leave
Lifted me out of my self-destruction
I once believed in you
When you spoke profusely of love
When you wiped my tears unceasingly
When you told me I made you whole
I once believed in you
When you made me believe that I was family
When you gave me a home
When you wrapped me in your arms
I once believed in you
When you swore to always fight
To keep pushing each other forward
And to never let one another be anything less
I once believed
And maybe that was my biggest mistake
For how was I to know
You were not a man at all
I once believed
Then you hit me like a hurricane
Spouting lies, and falsities, and blunders
That never even occurred
I once believed
You were strong in your convictions
A man of principal and power
A real blessing in disguise
I once believed
You’d sit down with me and talk
Listen to what I had to say
And realize my heart was pure
I once believed
But each day that becomes more and more like a memory
When I see you are not the man
I thought you to be at all
I once believed
You loved me
But now
I’m not sure if I believe in that at all
Oct 28, 2013
Oct 28, 2013 at 8:48 PM UTC