beautiful blue
the sky seems everlasting above me
the clouds desperately reach for each other
like they may never meet again
like they may never feel love again
i sympathize with them
the longing for love
the yearning of partnership
my perception of what that is
forever twisted by this shadow
casted upon my life
why cant i be happy?
why do the people who
are supposed to love me
despise me?
i am reduced to bones by their deductions
i am nothing but a shell of their projections
ive been persecuted to this living hell
with their reprehensions
i look to the eternal sky
standing on the edge
nobody knows what resides in my head
maybe its better that way
my thoughts need not be said
a choice between two paths
to be alive or to be dead
Sep 12, 2021
Sep 12, 2021 at 2:44 AM UTC
what is the meaning
behind all this commotion?
i unravel my feelings
and regain my devotion
to deciphering the thing
we call our emotions
i pick and poke at them
in a familiar notion
i guess some would call
a deprived locomotion
despite the fear
of what i may find
i begin to finally
dissect my mind
somehow and some way
i find my composure
surrounded by physical manifestations
of whatever’s left over
the sadness and pain
the disappointment and shame
i find a sacred meaning
in all of this commotion
i look at myself
and im filled with devotion
i allow myself to feel
these emotions
and just like a storm
they eventually pass
the peace i sought
setting in at last
the sun begins to rise
reminding me that its okay
as i begin to look forward
to a brighter day
i will not allow my fear to guide me anymore.
Sep 12, 2021
Sep 12, 2021 at 2:33 AM UTC
our love was the morning sky
courageously pink and quietly blue
seemingly everlasting and sincere
daring, to say the least
our love was the sounds of chicago
trains rumbling and music thumping
people talking, cars mumbling
us walking, hand in hand
i cant seem to get you out of my head
our love was us naively believing in each other
us sitting in my room, or yours
our bodies molded together like clay
and our souls embracing each other
in the comforting atmosphere
alongside the setting sky
framed by the window
our love was our favorite movies and shows
and the late nights we embarked on
watching every single one of them
our tired eyes and tired beings
resting on each other
and i now find it funny,
because in those loving moments,
i remember thinking
“i dont want these memories to fade”,
“i dont want our love to disappear”,
and now im desperately holding onto
whatever visual resides in my head,
your face is getting blurry,
your voice is becoming hazier,
my heart is sinking deeper
as all the colors mix into
the darkened hue of sadness
that is your departure
our love is this song
that rings in my ears late at night
it posseses a beautiful and humbling,
yet terrifyingly isolative melody
as my heart and mind conjoin
to accept this new reality
i will love you forever
as your ghost remains in my head
but everyday i cant help but wonder
“what could we have done, instead?”
Jan 23, 2021
Jan 23, 2021 at 3:50 AM UTC
i saw your face in a dream of mine
your hair so familiar, your gentle grin
your skin softly lit, your words blurry,
but meaningful
i fell in love immediately,
there was no such thing as time
i wanted to make you mine
but for some reason i couldn’t speak
my lips and wary limbs felt weak
being in your presence made me meek
but it was alright, because your voice
filled the space where mine was supposed
to meet
i don’t remember your face in
this conscious life
but your pacific ambience lingers
in the folds of my mind
i hope to meet you one day
so i can admire your face
and treasure your rambles
outside the subconscious traces
of my lonely imagination
Jan 23, 2021
Jan 23, 2021 at 3:41 AM UTC
i dont think you understand
the quiet turmoil in my mind
every second feels like an hour
and every hour feels like nine
im spiraling
falling down the rabbit hole
of what not to do, what not to be
what not to think, what not to dream
i romanticize the darker things
the ugly things, the crueler things,
the taboo aspects of life
im fixated on you
as an answer to all questions,
as an end to all my strife
you are my biggest secret,
my fondest promise,
my disheartening delight,
my comfort in the unknown,
and my conclusion of the night
as much as i hate to say it
youve always brought me the most
fellow feelings,
the most solace,
and the most reassurance
you are always my last option,
you are the devil on my shoulder
its a sad thing, really
that you will ultimately be the end of me.
Jan 23, 2021
Jan 23, 2021 at 3:27 AM UTC
my heart walks along a new path,
a road filled with cracks and certainty
in the hope that time does heal all wounds,
and that one day i will fall in love again.
this path seems solemn and lonely.
my state of mind more introspective
and versatile
with only the gentle whispers of the wind
to accompany my racing thoughts.
the fresh air soothes my wary frame
and embraces my soul within.
its hard not having you around,
to ramble to, to laugh with, to be present with;
as i am reminded of your absence
in the presence of my solitude.
but ive grown to find the grueling process
to be a beautiful one.
because with pain and sorrow i was exposed
to the depth and magnitude of my essence.
i was introduced to myself as you simply
mirrored my reflection back to me.
i realized i was always whole.
i was always here.
and ill still be here after youve gone.
an independent incarnation of
all my past lives lessons,
and all my futures regrets.
i am all.
i am the universe personified.
Jan 20, 2021
Jan 20, 2021 at 2:19 AM UTC
youarenothereanymore,
but the ringing of your voice
comes around occasionally.
you are a face that i cannot
getoutofmyhead.
no matter how many times
i try to eradicate the thoughts that
linger,
they sneak through the cracks and
infectmymind
once again.
you are like a stain on my favorite shirt,
no matter how noticeable you are,
i cannot gather up the courage
to throw you out.
my mind is at a constant war,
but in the end i know that i need to forget you.
youarenothereanymore,
but you are still hurting me.
May 27, 2019
May 27, 2019 at 12:14 AM UTC
when you had described your eyes as boring,
a dull and dark brown, almost appearing to be black,
i could have never disagreed more.
your eyes deep, dark, and daring at first.
sharing the same sable color as the fur of a great black bears,
seeming savage and unsafe,
were eyes i hesitated to trust.
but when the golden silk of the sun lays upon them,
a caramel colored explosion appears.
with significant streams of burnt sienna and sepia
flowing like fragile veins through the iris.
your eyes remind me of sunlight streaming through
bottles of whiskey.
they remind me of whispered woods in the afternoon
and copper immersed in summers honey-like glow.
i’ve fallen in love many times.
stared into the eyes of my so called
lovers,
and found nothing within the deep pits of their pupils.
i found nothing in the mixtures of color that spiraled
from these dark parts of them.
but your eyes were so much more than eyes.
they were bedtime stories from childhood,
and they were the safety i had longed for.
to say that they are just boring
would be an insult.
to say they are just beautiful
would be an understatement.
Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018 at 2:56 PM UTC
i want to live with you.
in a house in the suburbs or in an apartment in the city. i want to wake up and see you next to me, knowing that i am no longer alone throughout the dreary and isolated nights. i want to feel you next to me, to feel your chest rise and fall delicately, to harmonize our breaths in unison. i want to feel your warmth radiate onto me. i want to see you in your most peaceful state, covered in sun that comes through the window. i want to go out and buy groceries, then come home to cook for us. i want to share my shower with you, and i want to carry all of your children. i want to share early mornings and late nights with you. i wish to create a home with you, to let our love flourish within the walls we call ours. i want you by my side when i experience the little things that happen so subtly, yet are remembered for a lifetime.
i want be alive with you.
i want to live like there’s no tomorrow with you. i want to feel the rush of adrenaline or to be stuck in awe in moments that captivate us. and in moments of trouble, i want to know that you will be there so i won’t have to face anything alone. i want to see the world and be caught in it’s action with you. i want to go to France or to Italy to be immersed in the culture with you. i want to see you in your complete ecstasy, to see you feeling just as alive as i do when i am around you. i want to be caught up in your euphoria and jubilation. i want you to take my hand so i can take your name. and as the years start wind down and today begins to feel just like yesterday, i want you to be there, having been through it all. i want to grow old and recollect on our effervescent youth, and wish to do it all over again.
“the rise, and the fall. living life with someone, and being alive with someone. it’s a broad topic and feeling that can only be defined by two words: true romance.
now tell me, have you ever had that?”
Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 1:24 PM UTC
my poetry is undefinable
for my mind is simply indescribable
words are stretched and analyzed
true meanings surface, breaking ties
recollect and reminisce
i know that i’m someone you might miss
look within and you might find
the things you search for when i write
you do not own my thoughts anymore.
Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 9:31 PM UTC