It feels infinite, all the things from me that were stolen-
Words torn from my tongue and twisted into weapons,
Endearments and poetry that are now wounds left open,
Dignity and emotion, the vulnerability in a simple smile,
The safety of a quiet laugh, not knowing if it will awaken jealous wrath,
Years of effort, begging, threats, promises, broken screams and glass,
The ability to trust even the gentles touch,
All the versions of myself I wished to be,
The energy to fill the empty shell that is me.
Jul 17, 2023
Jul 17, 2023 at 5:30 PM UTC
I’ll never forgive
Not just the moments
But the way you made me relive every one of them.
How after all this time I’m forced to claw open the shining scars,
Bleed it back out,
Dive into wounds my mind had closed off,
Drown again,
Become that victim I always swore I’d never be
But had always been.
I’ll never forgive the way, after all this time,
You can still make me bleed,
Make me seethe,
And feel so small.
Make my mind curl against the agony
When all I asked for was you,
But you weren’t real.
I found only a monster behind the bull.
I may never earn love
But I know I never earned this.
Jul 4, 2023
Jul 4, 2023 at 4:24 PM UTC
I'm warped and twisted,
Laid bare across sharp edges,
Knees torn open,
Kissing your ****** knuckles.
I wear your hand around my throat
Like a satin bow.
Tighten the ribbon,
And never let go.
Jul 13, 2021
Jul 13, 2021 at 12:28 AM UTC
So many times throughout the day,
The pain supercedes even the brightest of moments,
And screams catch in my lungs as my smile freezes,
And tears jump to my eyes as I fight to breathe,
But I do,
and it quakes,
and I grow numb for a moment,
Sure that I'm dying,
And nobody knows it.
The moment passes into a dull, familiar ache,
And the tears fall again,
Just to be wiped away.
The fear grows cold and solidifies again,
As I promise myself I won't give up,
When I want to give in.
Jan 18, 2021
Jan 18, 2021 at 4:10 AM UTC
I'll be the gasoline and the match,
You can be the bridge and the water below,
My laughter comes quick,
And death burns slow.
Jan 15, 2021
Jan 15, 2021 at 11:24 PM UTC
Depleted and tired of pleading,
Unfocused and incapable,
Simultaneous logical advocating.
Sustaining for minutes and moments,
But time is always so fleeting.
Laughter dying on my lips,
before pain and a grimace.
Promises and answers whispered,
Hope swelling but bursting so quickly.
Scars and burns on my skin,
Attempting to calm the agony within.
And tumbling, always falling, never finding the ground,
But when I do,
Will it crush me?
Or will I hit water and drown?
Jan 14, 2021
Jan 14, 2021 at 4:13 PM UTC
I have to stop falling in love with strangers,
The way their smile slides into view so slow,
When they call me beautiful in sign language and don’t realize I know.
When they leap past, dressed in all black,
Their own cryptic, creeping steps and clinging to the shadows- midnight at noon.
Scowls and imploring eyes and fists itching for my throat,
Teeth sinking into tongues and lips, grasping desperately for control.
Confused if it was their gasp or my own when the light catches just right,
Nervous laughter as they mention wives before a disappointed sigh.
Fantasy and fiction churning real beings into metallic dreams,
Magnetic storms at their energy,
a missed soul connection,
and Shadow Knights.
Jan 13, 2021
Jan 13, 2021 at 2:57 PM UTC
I feel most alive
Standing on the edge
Singing for death-
A siren of the dark.
Jan 12, 2021
Jan 12, 2021 at 3:46 PM UTC
"Why do you look so ******* happy?"
Because that's the way they like me,
But to be fair, I do too.
I love feeling pretty in pink
With pastels and fragile florals,
But I am endless and vast
And equally crave the taste of metal
With the bite of blood.
I want my white roses pristine and velvet
Hugged by black leather,
Stained in crimson,
Studded and cold.
Because I am all of these things-
Careless and gentle,
Cold and yielding,
Pristine and dripping venom.
I am balanced and infinite
And thrive swinging on these scales.
Jan 10, 2021
Jan 10, 2021 at 1:47 AM UTC