she told herself for years
i can forgive him
it'll be easy
but the voices come back in her mind
and the picture comes back
and she can hear herself screaming
"daddy leave mommy alone"
"daddy why are you hitting her?
and her heart start to beat faster
and she answers his phone calls
in fear of what their next fight will consist of
and she told herself
i have to love him because hes my dad
but she never did
she couldn't feel love towards him
he had hurt her too many times
he took her everything away from her
her happiness
he took all her trust away
and now when a guy goes to grab her hand
she flinches in fear of his hands
and when a boy leans in to kiss her
she steps back
in fear of whats going to come out of his mouth
from the time she was two and hid in the basement with a baseball bat in case mom decided she didnt care anymore
she screamed
"daddy dont hit me, daddy i love you"
but he took his bare hand and punched
her as hard as he could
she can't remember the pain but she remembers
the tears and the screams
and the look on mommys face
when she ran downstairs to her baby with a
bruise the size of daddys hand
mommy said "baby i'll get you out of here"
but it took her ten years
ten years to let daddy go
ten years to see he hurt s too much
ten years to see he wasnt gonna change
ten years to see that i was broken
and its gonna take the next hundred for me
to ever recover from the fear
May 26, 2014
May 26, 2014 at 11:58 PM UTC
She is nature and the world itself. Sloane
There is a quiet thunder to the way she walks, and a heavy rainfall when she leaves. She treads water trying to reach islands that will house her but cannot reach the shore before her hurricane mind carries her away to new homes, homes she finds in people, and often the wrong people. But she is strong and stands like the tallest oak, letting gale force winds bend her branches so that she may feel what is to live, but never has she broken. Her voice is the sound of birds in the spring with all the melodies and lullabies of the early morning, she has a light in her that is both the sun and the fireflies and it will illuminate your heart should you ever let her in. Sometimes she is wilted but even beautiful roses have thorns and she draws blood if you try to pick her petals. She is the earth and the wind and the sky and though her roots are strong she is not always smiling, but just like a flower she grows from the ground up and all will gather to awe at her beauty when she sees it within herself.
May 20, 2014
May 20, 2014 at 10:59 PM UTC
My words have been so empty
because all i can think about is you
the end
May 20, 2014
May 20, 2014 at 9:48 PM UTC
And to be honest, i am nothing more than a lost soul in a large world, and there have been too many people who will just willingly sell me out and leave. My hands are spitting ***** of fire and i mistake your goodbyes as just as sad love poem with a happy ending. I have a name but i am no one still, nothing of me has become. I dont know where i am going but right now i dont feel lost. Im sad and excited because today he said i made him happy. But nothing lasts forever so should we just start saying goodbye now? I found my mom in the kitchen one night. But she wasnt cooking, asleep on the floor with her ***** spilt all over her, just 9 years old and i was cleaning up over my mother, dad was at work.. arresting the "bad ones" but even a police officer told me that there was no such things as bad people.. just good people with some bad mistakes.
My grandpa was in word war 2 and before he life here he would tell me stories but no voice will ever tell a story the way his hands and face moved with every breathe he took, and then he took his last one. and we all will too. I cant even start to imagine what im really here for because im just an open book on chapter 27 of nothing but "sorry". But my words are silent and im so loud. Mama thinks its weird that i like to go to the grave yard to talk to my best friend who was murdered in 2011 but there is nothing more enjoyable than laughing at myself as if she were there with me. and sitting in a place so dead has never made me feel more alive.
I have this thing for hands. I feel like you can tell a lot about a person by them. Farmers have dirt on their hands and musicians have long skinny fingers and the only ladies have spiders and i just want to feel beautiful.
But that wont happen until the day you stop hiding inside laughter, my love.
Let the storm pour and dont let it stop until you are here
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 8:59 PM UTC
I wanted to say i'm sorry
for the way my hands shake
you see
i can not control it
...
they say my little brother can not either
but he is different
hes autistic and he
shakes
but his words will shake
this wold someday
and i can not wait
to see who shakes then
this is to the kid
who pushed him down today
and to the girl
who laughed when he said
she was pretty
we all have our quirks
but us
we just shake
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 6:13 PM UTC
but the wind on the ocean isn't always lovely
and i think thats where i get it from
im stuck between being big and open
like that endless sea
but the problem is
its dangerous and full of untold stories of "im sorry"
walking with my head high but only
because im full of shame
does that even make sense anymore?
do you know what im trying to say?
help me
before its just too late
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 5:54 PM UTC
you sat in my car while i drove you home.
i was so worried you would be put off by
my mess
or the music i played
pr my profile facing you wasn't flattering
so i don't remember anything you said
or when you held my hand
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 8:50 PM UTC
Caught somewhere between
happy and
sad
but i can't tel the difference
i have felt one feeling
for some time
now
and the only change i can feel
is in the temperature in the air
and its sad
not me
but the air
is cold and its damp
and its perfect for telling me to keep on holding
everything inside
i wish that i could say
exactly how i feel
but what am i suppose to say
when i dont even know
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 6:47 PM UTC