Have you ever loved someone
so much it physically hurt you?
Have you ever loved someone
so much you planned your forever with them?
Have you ever lost someone
because they didn't have the same feelings for you?
Have you ever lost someone
and cried so hard you felt like you were dying?
Have you ever missed someone
so much you talk about them constantly?
Have you ever missed someone
and know that they don't miss you?
Have you ever met someone
who took away the pain of the past?
Have you ever met someone
that doesn't numb the pain long enough?
Have you ever left someone
because you were still missing your past?
Have you ever hated yourself
for missing that one person so much?
Have you ever hated someone
for making you feel so alone?
Have you ever wanted to die
because you feel trapped with the memories of them?
Have you ever dragged a blade across your skin
just to feel something, anything at all?
I have
I have for 5 months now
And I don't think this pain will ever go away
I hate you, but I miss you
Please, someone help me
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 2:28 PM UTC
& once again
I'll fall asleep
& wish
I never loved you
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 11:58 PM UTC
You say you're there for anybody
& only a phone call away
But where were you at 3am
When I couldn't breathe
& held that blade to my wrist
You care for everyone else
Except the one person who needed you
I needed you
You did nothing
Walked by me crying in the halls like I was a ghost
& if I choose to put this blade
To my neck instead of my wrist
& end it all tonight
I'm sure you'd laugh
& be perfectly ok
With the fact the ****** ***** is gone
So don't say you care
When you've made it obvious you don't
Jul 13, 2014
Jul 13, 2014 at 11:33 PM UTC
I have "help me" carved into one leg
& "save me" on the other
I'm just so sad
I don't know what to do
Why am I still writing these
Or breathing for that matter
Life is pointless for me
Jul 8, 2014
Jul 8, 2014 at 10:36 PM UTC
"You need to get out of the house"
"Come over I miss you"
"Let's go do something"
"You stay inside all day. That's not healthy"
They have no idea what's happening to me
They don't know why I shut them out
The cuts on my legs remind me of prison bars
& make me think I'm a prisoner in my own mental state
"You'll come visit us at school right?"
"Don't forget about football games"
"Everyone will love to see you"
They have no idea that I can't come back
They don't know that I'm leaving soon
I havnt told a soul about the hospital visits
Or the thoughts in my head
"Let's go swimming"
"You're getting pale lets go tanning"
"This bikini would look so cute on you"
They have no idea why I can't wear bathing suits
They don't know why I can't go swimming
The marks on my skin would shock them
& I don't need a reminder of how crazy I am
They have no idea
Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 7:32 PM UTC
Today I ended it
I left him
He told me he loves me
& didn't want to be without me
But I can't do it
I can't let him in
So like a turtle
I'll hide back in my shell
& shut out the world
I leave in 43 days
For the hospital & forced medications
& I know this is poorly written
But I feel like I lost myself
I can't do this anymore
I don't know what to do
Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 1:38 PM UTC
So now I sit
In this hospital room
"Thank god they saved you"
People keep telling me
& I fake a smile
Because I was so close
& I text all your friends
& ask how you are
I just need to hear
something
Anything
Please
Just talk to me
Because I can't live without you anymore
I miss my other half
& my best friend
My legs are covered in band aids
& my eyes are puffy from tears
& my hands are shaking
& my body is pale
& my heart misses you
So just one message
Please
I need you
Jul 3, 2014
Jul 3, 2014 at 1:52 PM UTC
I'm just so sad
& I miss you so much
But I'm used to this pain
& you don't need me anymore
So I'll cut a little deeper
& you'll continue your life
Because I'm dying slowly
& you're perfectly happy
& I'm sorry I couldn't be
What you wanted all along
Because I'm not a perfect person
But I love you so much
& I'm just sorry
Jul 2, 2014
Jul 2, 2014 at 11:22 PM UTC
Die die die
The voices whisper
But I ignore them
& keep going on my way
Die die die
They say louder
But I just begin to walk faster
They won't win
Die die die
They're screaming now
I begin to run
I don't want to die just yet
Die die die
They scream every second of the day
But once I start running
I won't stop
17 years old
& I refuse to let these voices win
I'll keep running until they give up
Even if it's forever
Die die die
They scream
No I don't want to
I scream back
I've beaten the voices
They won't win
I've finally won this race
& my life is my trophy
Dec 16, 2013
Dec 16, 2013 at 10:17 PM UTC
My special blanket
It covers my mind
I'm used to my blanket
Like a small child I carry it everywhere
My mind is a dark place
But my blanket makes it not too bad
There was a time it wasn't there
& it was a nice break
But that was just a break
A holiday
Time to get back to work
My blankets in charge
It tells me when to eat, never
It tells me when to sleep, all the time
My blanket used to give me breathing room
But now, its suffocating me
My blankets choking me
& I've stop struggling
My mind has put the blanket in total control
I shut down
I push everyone away
Even the boy I love
I know it kills him
To see me this way
But my blankets my minds dictator
It calls the shots
I love you, I promise
But this blanket will **** me in the end
Like a blanket of snow
My depression covers me
& I've let it win
Dec 13, 2013
Dec 13, 2013 at 7:45 AM UTC