there's no use in pretending
i just can't do it anymore
i can't hide what i'm feeling
i'm ending this war
there's no way to save me
i'm falling fast
everything that i thought i could be
well it just didn't last
no motivation and no light
nothing but heartache
it all ends tonight
there's nothing left to fake
there are so many people i'll let go
so many goodbyes
i've moved on, and they will too
there are no more tears to cry
to all my family
especially my dad
i'm so very sorry
i know you must be mad
there was nothing that you could do
it was all on me
i'm sorry for hurting you
in time you'll see
i tried everything i could
to stop the pain in me
it was too dark from where i stood
and i found i couldn't see
not everybody makes it through
this crazy thing called life
i wasn't as strong as any of you
there was just so much strife
i got a little lost inside myself
and started to enjoy the pain
i stopped wanting help
i've literally lost the game
if i had some advice to give
it would be this
learn to live
and learn to miss
because every dark and gloomy day
is so much worse alone
you lose the words to say
don't leave me on my own
when you shut everybody out
the darkness eats away at you
taking away all you once felt
leaving only blue
soon all that's left
is a shadow of who you once were
all you can do is hope you'll be missed
of this i'm sure
in the end
every day was the same
and i lost the will to mend
there was no end to pain
i've struggled so much
over the years
not one thing as such
causing never ending tears
i was addicted to cutting
watching my blood run
using a little sharp thing
to stop all the numb
i started to eat a lot less too
trying to lose a little weight
it wasn't obvious to you
all of my self-hate
i wanted so badly to run away
and start my life again
so i had to pray
that this wasn't a sin
i disappointed a lot of people
i led them astray
now i'm going to hell
i just can't stay
there's so much more
that i should write down
about how none of you saw
my lifeless body drown
i was a little mad
that you couldn't see
that all the happiness you had
couldn't be found in me
none of what's happened is your fault
you're not the ones to blame
if this story's to be told
i manifested my own pain.
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 2:18 AM UTC
If I were a Wordsmith, with power in my pen,
I would write your demise, a slow, painful end.
I would cut you so deep, with my words you would bleed,
The pain overwhelming, with each word that you read.
You would choke on every promise that you had ever broken,
You would hear me loud and clear, though no words ever spoken.
My emotions catch fire, and now your suffocating,
You begin to understand, but all this time I've spent waiting,
Has made me cold and numb to all you may need,
Your cries fuel my fire, my thoughts gasoline.
If I were a wordsmith, with power in my pen,
I would make you feel the pain and the weight of your sin.
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 1:14 AM UTC
I love you, I love you, I love you, I DO.
I love you, I love you, I love you, IT'S TRUE.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, YOU ****
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, YOU ****
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, your gone...
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, come home...
I love you, I hate you, I miss you, You see?
I love you, I hate you, I miss you, that's me :)
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 11:54 PM UTC
I have the power to make boys feel like MEN!
Yet I've lost all control to someone like him.
He will either be a lesson learned or the death that I crave,
Either way I'm still broken, because he turned away.
I have the power to make men feel like KINGS!
Yet like a caged bird, my sorrows I sing.
I lost all my worth, when he closed that door,
I need him to love me, of this I am sure.
I have the power to make kings feel like GODS!
Yet I cry alone in the dark, what are the odds.
I hurt myself just to make sure I am alive,
Because I'm convinced, I can no longer survive.
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 11:48 PM UTC
When I was fourteen, I wore lots of make-up,
My skirts were too short, I looked like a ****
I had no fears, no worries brought me down,
And boys knew they'd get lucky when I was around.
My best friend, however, was always bare faced,
Her clothes were so bland, she was easily erased.
She stressed little things, like good grades and college,
And she brought the boys down with her exceeding knowledge.
When I was fourteen, I was ***** by a man,
I was loaded, I asked for it, though it wasn't my plan.
I was dressed like a ***** and I teased him til he was begging,
So I wasn't surprised when he held me down, and RIPPED through my leggings.
My best friend, the good girl, yeah, she was ***** too,
What I always wondered was, what did she do?
In her ugly baggy clothes, putting her books in her locker,
Though I guess she was unaware of how those boys stalked her.
When I was fourteen, the rumors began,
"Its her fault, she's to blame, she wanted to sleep with that man."
I just smiled in their face, and held my head high,
I got it, I was a **** ***** and ***** I knew that was "WHY".
My best friend didn't get it, and couldn't ignore their tales,
Her overwhelming sadness came out, in long painful wales.
Her smile so broken, the cracks were see through,
And her overdose a relief, what else could she do?
When I was fourteen, I learned a hard lesson,
It doesn't matter how you act, or the clothes that you dress in.
Neither innocence nor promiscuity will allow you escape,
Because NO still means NO, and **** still means ****
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 8:23 PM UTC
You are my master
I am your slave
I choose to kneel at your feet
Bow my head and behave.
You have taken full control
You have left me no rights
You tell me how to walk, talk, and dress
You tell me where to lay my head every night.
But all of a sudden I'm too needy
And you need your space
I was once your perfect woman
Now it is me you will replace.
To that I say good luck Sir
And I will bid you adieu
Because in my heart I know
She won't treat you like I do.
She won't obey your commands
No, she will think you are crazy
She won't cater to your every need
No, she will just think you are lazy.
She won't get that you are in charge
She won't see the warrior in you
She won't get your way of thinking
At least not like I do.
You WERE my master
I WAS your slave
I no longer kneel at your feet
Bow my head or behave
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 2:12 AM UTC
I am so pathetic
I sit alone and cry.
I am so pathetic
I no longer care to try.
I am so pathetic
Look what you have done.
I am so pathetic
You are my moon, my sky, my sun.
I am so pathetic
Why did I put you way up there?
I am so pathetic
You left me broken, bruised and bare.
I am so pathetic
I gave you total control.
I am so pathetic
You even have my soul.
I am so pathetic
What'd you say? You didn't mean it!
I am so pathetic
Probably because I still believe it.
I am so pathetic
You're sorry and don't want to fight anymore?
I am so pathetic
After all that, its still you I love and adore.
Jul 15, 2014
Jul 15, 2014 at 10:31 PM UTC
HIM
Unavailable, cocky, distant, cold.
ME
Willing, pathetic, waiting, alone.
Jul 15, 2014
Jul 15, 2014 at 10:13 PM UTC
Please don't pretend to be someone you are not.
My knight in shining armor, HA! Do you think I forgot?
The way you gave me time only when it was convenient,
Or how you said you loved me, never quite sure if you mean it.
And when I asked for attention, what was it you said?
Oh yes, I'm too needy, you'd rather do anything instead.
Let's not pretend to be something we never were.
The good never outweighed the bad, that's for sure.
We were never great, though people thought so,
We were mere actors, quick to put on a show.
And the love, well, the love was simply a prop,
But when the lights dimmed, and the people left, the love would always stop.
I will not pretend to be someone I am not.
Though I fear I've been under you so long, that may be all I've got.
But I will do my best to no longer let you hurt me,
I will be strong when you say you need me and you're sorry.
I am not convenient, I am not your runner-up,
I am strong, smart, and beautiful, I am your biggest **** up.
Jul 15, 2014
Jul 15, 2014 at 9:46 PM UTC
Why are you so sweet?
I wish you would stop
Stop telling me you love me
Stop saying I'm perfect.
Why are you so willing?
I wish you would quit
Quit being so quick to say yes
Quit saying I'm worth it.
Why are you so devoted?
I wish you would stray
Stray to the arms of another
Stray to someone who deserves it.
Why are you so you?
I wish you could change
Change into the one I love
Change into my Mr. Perfect.
Why isn't he you?
I wish he was able
Able to be sweet, willing and devoted
Able to see that I'm worth it.
Jul 15, 2014
Jul 15, 2014 at 8:45 PM UTC