I’m sorry.
I tend to break hearts often.
May I just say that, my heart has five walls guarded by knights in black protecting it.
You only made it pass the first wall.
My heart is a stranger to everyone even myself.
She doesn’t speak to people she doesn’t know.
She carries herself like the First Lady
And these days, she’s been too busy for anyone.
You see, she is wise.
She has been in pieces more times than a puzzle.
She has been abandoned as if she was an orphan.
She’s very hard.
More hard than any crip or blood.
But might I add..
When she does wanna welcome someone,
She welcomes them with arms wide open.
So open that if she had wings,
She would soar through the sky.
When she lets down her walls,
You will see the most beautiful place ever.
Lost upon all the heart breaks and disappointments.
You will see her and wonder why she is so guarded.
She is guarded because she knows that people will not take care of her, like her.
So I’m sorry for breaking your heart multiple times.
These days, I just can’t get a hold of my heart.
@ashtonbrehite
Jul 1, 2019
Jul 1, 2019 at 10:19 AM UTC
they say that home is where the heart is.
but lately, my heart has been shattered to a million pieces
I can't seem to put them together anymore.
I'm so tired of looking through the mess
to find the piece that is supposed to connect here.
my home hasn't felt like home in years.
this house is losing value.
because ever since you left,
the grass hasn't been mowed.
the shingles hasn't been replaced.
and I just found out today,
that my roof has a leak.
I can't seem to find the piece.
or peace.
which ever one will bring you back,
because this house is not a home without you.
the neighbors have been talking,
and I think they want me off their street.
but I just can't find the peace.
or piece.
which ever one will bring you back,
because this house is not a home..
without you.
Jul 27, 2018
Jul 27, 2018 at 7:56 PM UTC
I see you.
Not just the face you make when I say that.
Like, it’s not obvious that I actually see you
But I see the girl that just wants to be free.
I see the girl that just wants to love.
Me for me.
You for you.
I see the girl that’s been through so much hurt and pain
But is still willing to put her heart on the line
Like she’s gonna win the lottery.
You were never careful at picking your numbers.
But you picked me and you thought maybe this time you’ll get lucky.
Maybe this time you will hit the jackpot.
But darling, I’m telling you that luck doesn’t have anything to do with it.
I see you.
I see you when you smile but you just want to scream.
I see you when you laugh but you just want to cry.
I see you every time you’re willing to love again.
But no one is willing to love you back.
I see you like the wind.
not actually the wind itself
But when it’s so strong,
The trees look as if they’re dancing to their favorite song.
I see you like the rain.
But before it falls,
Because you’re determination fills the sky all at once.
I see you darling...
& I know that you’re just trying to see yourself.
Jul 27, 2018
Jul 27, 2018 at 7:46 PM UTC
There's a girl that I follow on Instagram that is still in high school.
I don't know her real name, or where she lives but I see her post about her life and her problems.
Tonight I engaged with her and it was truly a blast from the past.
The problems that seem SO huge and forever are actually meaningless.
I tried to tell her that in a subtle way but of course she said she felt like she was going to throw up, and cry her eyes out
so I told her it's okay to feel that way.
An unrequited crush on one of her friends that is also dating one of her friends.
Lol geez.
I wanted to tell her to enjoy herself, enjoy that drama, and everything that comes with being a teenager.
I wanted to tell her life was only going to get harder and one day her problems would involve money, and figuring out where exactly you went wrong, why your life isn't what you had planned.
But of course I didn't. I'm not an *******
I'm sure she hears that all the time and doesn't believe it anyway..
and why take away someone's hope and that wide eyed excitement for the world.
That is the best feeling.
Just the best.
Apr 6, 2018
Apr 6, 2018 at 5:33 AM UTC
You are so beautiful R.
I am tangled between your words and your character.
I am deeply in like with everything in between.
I am writing this to you because I can never speak the words I am typing. I can never be "up front with you" as you put it but baby, I'm telling you that I am up front with you. I am saying the words without you listening. I am speaking loud and clear. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL MY DEAR. YOU ARE AMAZING. ANYONE WOULD BE A FOOL NOT TO SEE THE BEAUTY THAT LIES WITHIN YOU. I SEE A GIRL THAT IS AFRAID OF ANYTHING THAT STANDS UP TO HER BUT I AM TELLING YOU THAT I AM HERE. I AM HERE TO SUPPORT AND TO BACK YOU UP 1000% OF THE WAY. I AM HERE TO SAY THAT I AM WILLING TO PUT MY LIFE ON THE LINE FOR YOU AND JUST FOR YOU. CAN I BE HONEST? I LOVE WHEN YOU SING TO ME. YOUR VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL EVEN IF IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL TO ANYONE ELSE. I AM HERE TO LISTEN. I JUST WANT YOU TO BE YOURSELF AND TO CATCH EVERYTHING I AM THROWING YOUR WAY. CAN YOU THROW IT BACK THOUGH? I AM NOT A WIDE RECEIVER BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST TO CATCH A HAIL MARY FROM EITHER SIDE OF THE FIELD. BABY LET ME BE YOUR STAR AND I'LL LET YOU BE THE FILM THAT I STAR ON. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL R AND I HOPE ONE DAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I'M NOT JUST SPEAKING ABOUT YOUR LOOKS.
Mar 23, 2018
Mar 23, 2018 at 6:49 PM UTC
This is not my poem
Sure I sat here and wrote it down,
but its not my poem.
Yes, yes I took the time to memorise it so I could see my words reflected in the expressions on your face as I read aloud...
but its not my poem.
This is your poem
You wrote this
You wrote this with your smile
the curve of your lips wrote this
the sparkle in your eyes punctuated every line and measured every pause, perfectly.
Your lips formed every word, sounded every syllable, created the melody that echos in my head as I write YOUR poem.
The rise and fall of your chest first catches my breath, then takes it away completely. Sensibilities and caution tumble down your back like rain in a warm summer shower that falls from a star filled sky, the heavens have opened. My heavens have opened. Caution is now a distant memory, like something once heard but long forgotten, something you knew you once knew but know you no longer have to remember so while there is at least an awareness of it, its passing will not be mourned.
And there, pooled in the small of your back, nestled just above the curve of your buttocks, lies hope.
The hope that the beauty I see in you, in us, in everything since we met isn't a mirage, isnt a projection of some one sided fantasy but that its real. That its as real for you as it for me and that I'm not alone. That I'm not alone in the way I feel and the way I think and the way........ the way.....the way I love. Its hope that knowing how I feel, how much I'm in love, in love with you, the hope that hearing me say out loud the very thing that I've had to fight telling you on a daily basis hasn't scared the **** out of you the way finally admitting it to you has me.
But this isn't my poem.
This is your poem.
You wrote it
and its my gift to you.
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 1:19 PM UTC
i kissed her soft lips and said goodbye
not knowing that same day will be so tragic.
my mom had just kicked me out for being a ****
as she called it.
so i went to a "trusted" friends house
to spend the night.
it was a he and he knew everything about me,
even how i loved to "scissor"
as he called it.
i thought i knew everything about him too,
but that night was different.
that night he had wide eyes
and his entire demeanor had changed.
i didn't know this he
but where else could i go?
he gave me a "warm" blanket
and a "fluffy" pillow as i laid uncomfortable on the floor.
he asked,
"why did you come here and not go to your girlfriend's?"
i answered,
"her parents doesn't know about us."
and he laughed.
i dosed off.
that night i felt a presence i never felt before in my life.
the blanket became "cold"
and the pillow became "flat"
he became a "monster"
he covered my mouth with his hand
and told me to let him "finish"
i tried to scream
and i tried to move
but his heavy body would not allow any of that
that night i lost a "part" of me
that night i lost a "trusted" friend
that night i never want to "recall"
because that night was never "who i am"
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 1:10 PM UTC
Sometimes i feel like my life is controlled by a substance so powerful that if i tried to fight it, it would be like tying a rope around my neck and pulling it until i collapse onto the ground. Have you ever felt as if your life isn’t yours? Well, that’s how i feel 99% of the time. I feel like I’m living for someone else but not myself. I wake myself up for someone else every morning just to walk into someone else’s building to sit at someone’s else’s computer and type someone else’s words. My life isn’t really mine. Don’t get me wrong, the words I’m typing now is my words but maybe that’s why they’re so inappropriate. Maybe my words are so inappropriate that there’s no way i could ever type my own words. I need help but i wouldn’t dare ask for it. I feel alone surrounded by hundreds of people. Is that normal? Is it normal to feel alone whenever I’m out with my friends? Maybe i should try to fight this substance. They will call it suicide but I’ll call it death on arrival because i didnt choose to come into this world and i didn’t choose to leave it. Someone else chose it for me. Someone else will say that i had a lot of issues but what someone else doesn’t know is that someone else is the cause of my issues. Someone else said that I could never survive someone else’s world but what if i never had a chance at surviving either. Someone else had a good chance at surviving but blew someone else’s brain onto the concrete just so someone else would take them out of this world. Someone else cried when someone else left but would someone else cry if i leave? Would someone else come to my rescue because someone else promised me they would save me?
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 5:49 AM UTC
To My Lover,
my one and always;
the dance hall is empty without
our swing.
Come back to me, darling,
Let us waltz the halls again,
without a care in the world,
except for the fear of stepping on
our toes.
I've loved you since our first touch,
and since then, you have had
my heart in your cold hands,
let me warm them...
come and dance with me.
I want my arms around your waist.
Your hands on my neck.
Feb 10, 2018
Feb 10, 2018 at 6:44 AM UTC