I can't really rhyme very well,
or write.
so... apologies.
[verse 1]
finally asking for some help
and swallowing my pride
friends won’t listen to me
and I’m stabbed in my backside
scared of my own shadow
and watching my every move
giving it my all despite
knowing you’ll disapprove
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
[verse 2]
writing my own hero
that I thought I’d always need.
giving him the deepest,
darkest flaws inside of me.
broken hearts and promises,
makeshift therapy.
run into burning buildings
always voluntarily
working from dawn to dusk,
told secrets I cannot keep,
work always follows me home
so I cry myself to sleep.
writing to escape this ****** reality
while I sit in silence
and question my sexuality
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
[verse 3]
sleepless nights, stick & pokes
unblocking my ex
bloodshot eyes, fake smiles,
fill the void with meaningless ***
always stopped when I said no,
but never heard a yes.
stepped outside to call his wife;
left me a crying mess.
total disassociation
lie, say that I’m fine.
googling ptsd
but denying what I find.
exploited daddy issues,
making myself small.
the silent contemplation
of ending it all.
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
hey, what can you say?
we were overdue.
but it’ll be over soon.
just wait.
ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da
Jan 1, 2022
Jan 1, 2022 at 11:52 PM UTC
I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else.
I have loved a lot of people
I have a lot of love to give
But he—
He has my heart. He has all my love. I would give anything
/to have him right here, in my arms,
making me feel like I’m gonna be alright
But instead, I've got about 4000 miles
separating him from me.
Every ******* love song on the radio is about him.
Everywhere I look, I see people together.
They’re so happy;
Holding each other, kissing one another
Not even realizing how lucky they are.
All I want is him
I just want his company
His laughter filling my ears
His arms around my body
I just want him
Is that so ******* hard?
Why is that so ******* impossible?
It’s not ******* fair
Dec 2, 2020
Dec 2, 2020 at 10:29 AM UTC
Thank you for loving me.
For greeting me with a smile,
For encouraging me,
For picking me up when I fall down,
For forgiving my mistakes,
And reminding me I am not my faults.
Thank you for hearing me,
For listening,
For taking action,
For your careful word choice.
Thank you for reading me.
For listening to what I wasn’t saying.
For picking up but I wasn’t laying down.
Thank you for staying by my side.
For fighting for me,
For taking up a war you didn’t have to fight.
Thank you for teaching me.
For explaining so thoroughly,
For waiting so patiently,
For understanding my misspoken words,
For knowing me.
Thank you for taking the time to truly understand me.
Thank you for seeing me —
As a person,
As a gentle soul,
As an emotional teenager,
And not brushing me
Like you so easily could’ve.
Thank you for loving me
Even when it was hard.
Jul 3, 2020
Jul 3, 2020 at 6:37 PM UTC
Today we said goodbye for the last time.
After this, we’re off to better and greater things.
Your face glowed in the summer sun.
My heart melted on the hot blacktop.
I wanted to tell you how I felt —
my words
not the whispers
not rumors
that you must’ve heard in the hallways.
I wanted to show you all that I’ve been hiding
but when I started to speak, you said ‘goodbye.’
You wished me good luck
as we took a quick photo.
I’ve never seen you
look so beautiful.
I’ve never felt
so crushingly devastated.
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 4:59 PM UTC
I’m laying in bed,
clutching my pillow
wishing it was you.
I never realized how cold,
lonely,
sad
these blankets have always been.
I’m laying in bed,
eyes wide open,
unable to sleep.
I never realized how cold,
lonely,
sad
I am without you
Oct 21, 2019
Oct 21, 2019 at 11:06 AM UTC
it’s half past one
and I’m laying in bed
wide awake.
I’m thinking of you,
your smile,
your lips,
your bright eyes,
your love.
it’s half past seven
and you best be out of bed,
just barely awake.
I hope you’re thinking of me,
my smile,
my lips,
my bright eyes,
my love.
the ocean between us
breaks my heart
but you know I’d give
every piece to you
Oct 12, 2019
Oct 12, 2019 at 1:59 AM UTC
1. Life is not fair. You will face challenges and the world will try to knock you down. Stand strong.
2. You most valuable possession is your voice. Don’t let anyone steal it. Use it. Make yourself heard. Be proud.
3. You are so much more than your body. You are healthy. You are strong. You don’t need to be thin to be beautiful.
4. Love always wins. One day, you will meet the love of your life. Things will not be perfect, but they will be good. You will be joyful.
5. You are not your parents. You are not their mistakes. You don’t need to please their every expectation. You are not going to be perfect. But you are their daughter, and know that they did their best.
6. Intelligence is not **** Confidence is not **** Self-love is not **** These are essential if you want to survive. Don’t do things to please men. Do things for yourself.
7. It is okay to be alone. As long as you are safe, you can enjoy things in your own company. Sometimes you need to focus on yourself.
8. Silence is golden. It gives you time to think. That is not always a bad thing. Learn the sound of your heart beating. It is keeping you alive.
9. Ignorance is not bliss. Educate yourself. Ask questions. Never stop learning. Keep wondering. Discover everything.
10. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone has to. Don’t change yourself to cater to other people. Do not listen to the lies they tell you. You are enough as yourself. You are perfectly okay.
Apr 8, 2019
Apr 8, 2019 at 6:07 PM UTC
Will the journey be long?
>>Yes, but you will survive.
Will it be difficult?
>>Yes, but you will win the war.
Who will help me along the way?
>>You will meet the friends you need.
Will they stay? Are they loyal?
>>The true ones never leave.
How long is it going to take?
>>Your whole life, my love.
And what if I have to rest?
>>Take all the time you need.
Mar 20, 2019
Mar 20, 2019 at 6:46 PM UTC
I believe all dogs go to Heaven and that literary classics aren’t always that great.
I believe books have the power to change minds.
I believe thunderstorms are just the angels going bowling; their strikes become lighting.
I believe my favorite yellow dress protects me angainst insecurities and my combat boots make me more confident.
I believe potatoes afe the superior vegetable and that Wendy’s fries are almost, almost as good as Chick-Fil-A’s.
I believe in parallel universes and wish on shooting stars.
I believe dreams can come true and that the subconscious reveals to us our deepest desires and biggest fears.
I believe there is a sisterhood between all women, an intuition, a responsibility to protect and hold each other accountable.
I believe artificial cherry is the best flavor of anything, but my body craves natural produce.
I believe the beauty industry is trying to **** us.
I believe every woman should have control over her own body, not the government, not somebody else’s religion.
I believe that love always wins.
I believe that people cannot meet their full potential until their physical needs are met.
I believe that young girls are tr future, and that we must be educated to take on the world, learning to save ourselves before we save this nation.
I believe one person can make a difference.
Mar 20, 2019
Mar 20, 2019 at 6:29 PM UTC
the year of anxiety and emotional breakdowns
we asked our doctors for xanax
crying ourselves to sleep
waking up at ungodly hours
using study tips we found on the internet:
quizlet, kahoots,
khan academy
replacing lunch hours with study halls
desperate to get our projects done
on time
wondering why I haven’t had my period
in months
why I can’t ever seem
to relax
or how many more productive ways
I could have spent my time today
besides calculating the lowest score I could get
but still pass the class
watching movies on netflix
like the gospel,
hunched over in bed, clad in pajamas and tear stains,
crying over my math test marked with a B
because I only feel smart
when I get a perfect grade.
if you don’t get an A,
you are failing.
by the time I was sixteen, I had already experienced
being average, meeting expectations and failing
as a child, gifted was the first word
my teachers used to describe me
which didn’t haunt me
until I found out it was supposed to
when I passed pre-calculus, my dad was so proud
he started carrying my report cards
above the visor in his car
so relieved he could stop worrying
would I get into a good college?
he saw a program on the news
about the epidemic with depression
says he is just so glad to finally see me
taking care of myself
if you develop depression
when you are already broken to begin with
you go to the hospital
if you develop depression
when you are not already broken to begin with
you get told to **** it up”
so when my grades started dropping,
everyone was disappointed in me
for being lazy
teachers who never spoke to me before
stopped me in the hall to ask if I’m okay
I say, I am sick
they say, No, you are
just incompetent
how could I not
hate myself?
with becoming the kind of mistake
people are supposed to learn from?
why would I ever want to
stop studying
when my intelligence was the most
interesting thing about me?
so, how lucky it is now,
to be boring
the way not going to guidance
is boring
the way looking at a 86%
and only seeing a B, not a failure
or fourteen points marked off
is boring
my story may not be as impressive as it used
to be, but at least there is nothing left
to count
the calculator in my head
finally stopped
I used to love the feeling of passing a hard test,
being the only one in the class to do so
not obsessed with being perfect
but afraid of being flawed
I used to take pride in being
top of the class
now, I am proud to have stopped
seeking revenge on this body
this was the year of accepting my grades
when they weren’t immaculate
without punishing myself
and I know it sounds ridiculous
but that is so hard
when I was little,
someone asked me
what I wanted to be
when I grew up
and I said,
smart
Feb 25, 2019
Feb 25, 2019 at 8:18 PM UTC