ash-saveman
20/Genderqueer
I'm in highschool / I love the arts / I've been writing as long as I can remember / I'm depressed, have several anxiety disorders and bipolar / / After about 4 years of not writing I'm back. No longer in highschool. Turns out not bipolar, just misdiagnosed
Mother knows
Stranger in my bedroom
Please don't touch me
"Oh but I already have"
Mommy don't leave me
It hurts
Don't want to be touched there
"You mean like this?"
No stop
I cry
He will be back
Face smothered
Can't breathe
Please don't **** me
Be thankful
No one else could love you
Look at you pathetic mess
Please not again
Face in pillow
Hand on my throat
Knife near by
Heart pounding
Mouth dry
Tears streaming
I said no
Please stop
Don't hurt me
Hard thrusts
Body bleeding
I cant sleep
Apr 5, 2020
Apr 5, 2020 at 2:56 PM UTC
Slash slash
Knife in hand
Slash slash
Thoughts in head
Slash slash
Skin red
Slash slash
Wake up dead
Apr 5, 2020
Apr 5, 2020 at 2:46 PM UTC
Stay up
Always late
Eyes open
Heart pounding
Wide awake
Please go away
Voices in my head
Can not be left
Body shaking
Blood dripping
Not okay
Not okay
Apr 5, 2020
Apr 5, 2020 at 2:44 PM UTC
I'm in love
My soul burns
I'm in love
I look into soultry dark eyes
I hear the soft whispers of his voice,
Feel the touch of his breathe dancing across my neck
I'm in love
My heart aches
His passion burns me
His distance freezes me
The dark abyss inside grows deeper
I'm all alone
My feelings swirl
I'm all alone
Darkness spreads
Loneliness grips
I'm all alone
No one wants me
Feb 13, 2020
Feb 13, 2020 at 11:07 AM UTC
Peeking out of the darkness
Hidden for so long
Fleeing
Running
Always escaping
Always alone
Longing for connection
Peeking, is anyone there?
Moving
Swirling
The darkness flows with me
Can you see it?
Can you see me peeking through the darkness?
Feb 12, 2020
Feb 12, 2020 at 10:09 PM UTC
Imagining his voice,
his scent,
the way he would cup my face,
his control.
Reliving the ****
reliving the abuse
Hating myself
I did this
I should have left
A year ago
it hurts
Don't talk about it
it never happened
Scared
comming out
I was ***** and abused by my boyfriend
said he loved me
used me and threw me out for the next
took my virginity
my innocence
my body
held onto my mind
he dosen't let go
his face haunts me every day,
moving to the otherside of the world and he stays put in me
Hating myself for being *****
Feb 21, 2016
Feb 21, 2016 at 5:47 PM UTC
beautiful
deep
purtruding
marks
****
pain
past
anguish
memories
roadmaps
bodies
skin
human
Feb 21, 2016
Feb 21, 2016 at 5:34 PM UTC
I know a girl made out of rose petals
she has words seared into her
her heart pricked with thorns
fingers trace her skin, soft, delicate petals
it crumples and falls away, reveling a cold void underneath where she has been hurt too often;
the coldness seeps out;
the words roar to life, consume her
she falls away, gone to the wind.
Feb 21, 2016
Feb 21, 2016 at 5:27 PM UTC
What it feels like to od
Your mind is screaming, fingers fumbling
You poor down the pills
Throat burning, but all you can think about is pooring down more
***** covers your body
Everything shaking, spinning, darking
You lose focus on everything but the white, red, and blue pills
almost patriotic
The ***** dosen't stop
you try to keep it down, but it burns it way up and out
Soon whole pills come up
this just makes you more determined to swallow more
You just want it to end, no matter the pain
Hearing gunshots out your window, wishing it was you
Layng there, weak, covered in your own *****
then suddenly dog barking EMTs running through the house shining a Flash light in your face,
Screaming "what did you take!"
blank stare, mind too foggy
again "what did you take!"
mind reeling, stomach lurching, vomiting
screaming again
"*Into the bag. ***** into to the bag, we need to analize it*"
****** into and amulance
you're too young, you're too young, you're too...
black out
Feb 21, 2016
Feb 21, 2016 at 5:14 PM UTC
The truth about love
Is that there is no truth
Love is a chemical imbalance in the head
It doesn't last and always leaves depression in it's wake
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 3:27 PM UTC