some night i just stay up till 4 in the morning
i don't know why
but i like the sound of morning
i like it when the sun just starts to rise
and i like the smell of the ground
and when the very first rays of light
caress my eyes
that is when, i know
i can sleep quietly
beneath the sounds of the city
beneath this world
broken beyond repair
May 24, 2014
May 24, 2014 at 1:32 AM UTC
- be patient, for hell knows i am not.
- let me have my freedom. i am a wild, flowering vine, do not trim me to fit into your garden.
- when you kiss me do it gratefully. be grateful that i will share my fire with you, and not burn you down to ashes instead.
- bite my lips, and do not be afraid to dare. jump into the unknowing with me.
i like surprises.
- get drunk with me. drink whiskey in wine glasses, get drunk with me and write on my body in a pen, covering me with your drunken scrawl. let me show you parts of myself that have never been kissed by the sun.
- hold onto my waist with strong hands, do not be afraid to put your fingers on my skin. do it, and do it surely. do not touch me lightly, do it with a purpose. be strong, yet be fragile. i am not delicate, yet handle me with care.
- kiss my neck, graze your lips all over my body. let me feel you like rain on my body, a steady thrum.
- do not for a second have the impression that you are ever using me. you are a silly boy and i am a dreaming girl, who walks fast, who has a whole world in her mind. believe me, you will know if you are ever even a tiny portion of it.
i'll probably just end up using you.
i know what i want.
and do not assume that you are always it.
- speak to me like your words are roses, that graze my skin under soft cotton sheets. do not hold anything back, say everything that can possibly fit in your mouth, and do not be surprised if i leave you when petals become thorns.
- i am not attached to you.
i have a whole life ahead of me, and i want to experience every moment of it, living so thoroughly that i will not miss even a second.
i want to see the world, walk barefoot in the most remote places, i want to love and much as i can.
i want to kiss strangers, i want to make love in France with a beret on, i want to drink coffee in the shower, and i want to listen to vinyl late into the night, dancing with the music pulling me to and fro, that is enough.
i do not need you there to step on my feet.
- if you want to enchant me, do not speak unsure or shyly, move as if your fingernails could cause hurricane, and hold me in your arms like i am a storm just waiting to rain down its fury.
kiss me like i am a volcano, at any moment ready to erupt. however do not be cautious of this fact.
be ready to throw yourself in.
- speak french to me.
- even though it is dangerous to be attached to me (like driving a car over a cliff, to end up barely alive sinking into the restless ocean, actually), you must treat me with the utmost respect.
i will not always be happy and kind, but i will kiss you often, and i'll like touching you, and i'll like your bare, raw skin, bleeding on the pages of your journal in the late dusk of the oncoming night.
however if you think that i am your plaything, that you are using me, that i am a flimsy, easy girl, then you are deathly mistaken, prey only to your childish ignorance.
i am the universe.
i am so vast, you will never know even half of me.
i am an elaborate piece of art.
you are only a part of this journey i call my life.
- i will love you, but only if you understand that i am an endless book of poetry,
a whole bottle of wine,
a masterpiece made of golden flesh, blood of fire,
and each of my bones are engraved with stories to tell,
and i crave this life more than i will ever crave any dependency on people who i know can never
give me exactly what i want.
because i am incredibly brilliant and endless, and i hold every word to
pleasure you,
and destroy you,
on my mere tongue.
Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 4:17 PM UTC
Who would love a girl
Who spends most of the time
Reading books
Or fantasizing about worlds
That doesn't exist?
Who would love a girl
who isn't exactly pretty
Or talented
Nor smart?
Who would love a girl
Who let's opportunities pass
Because she's too awkward?
Who would love a girl
Whose mind is so confusing
But finds peace in it?
Who would love a girl
Whose self-esteem is
Non-existent?
And who would love a girl
Who doesn't know
How to socialize
And prefers silence?
exactly
Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 4:17 PM UTC
sometimes its easier for somebody to see what's wrong
when they can't hear you sob like
a hyperventilating storm
--------
i know you want to tear out your organs with your nails,
but please hold onto your insides for me,
because you are enough.
you are whole without needing love from people
who don't matter.
and you can't forget it, because you don't need approval from anybody but yourself.
and i want you to know
i'll never forget that time when we we're drunk and stumbling
and i saw that you had white scars slashed on your legs too,
and knew that I wasn't alone
because we knew one another's pain and we loved eachother for it anyway.
you are kind,
remember it. you are strong like a steel whip in the cold icy
morning of a december winter, but you are soft and kind and you are warm
like strawberry vanilla popsicles dripping and summer heat sweltering,
and please
never forget to be kind
to yourself
especially.
--------
please try to stop ******* everything up.
you make things hard on yourself, and maybe if you just learned to let go
and accept that your problems are no more important than every other single living being on this earth, maybe you'd smile a little more. your smile is beautiful, and i don't think you know that. life treats you so well, you just have to open your eyes and
WAKE UP.
you have to escape your little world sometimes,
and admit that we're all breathing in the same atmosphere into our lungs.
you can get better so easily,
you just have to let yourself.
because i know,
you aren't letting yourself heal.
let that small peach tree grow it's roots.
--------
giving yourself away to boys who only care about your body, won't make them care about your feelings. drinking until you fall asleep wont make the world disappear, it'll just make your memories sink to the bottom; you need to filter them out.
don't be afraid anymore, be real. be who you are under those layers of flesh and bones,
be the soul that screams and hammers to be let out. you are so real.
and worthwhile.
so many people care about you,
you are something magnificent and
it's not your fault. to be free, you need to stop blaming things on yourself.
let it go from your clenched palms, because things are getting better just as long as you make them that way.
i feel like you forget how strong you are, how you have so much power in those long, pale fingers. how you can create and destroy with the mere movements of your tongue.
i don't want you to forget that what you hide inside you is something gleaming and vast, and you should pull away the blinds
and let the sun shine through.
--------
i feel horrible because i was the girl who taught you that feeling was a horrible thing to do.
that because you let yourself
get too emotional over the fact that
i was too unattached to love you in the way you wanted me to,
and every time we tried, i would runaway from your waiting lips
and laugh like venom dripping behind closed doors to hide
from your confrontation about why i never wanted to let people love me
and return it.
now, you walk with a metal shield up
i remember you said a long time ago
“now i know every girl will be like you,
and i don't want to try ever again.”
i wish you would still tear up to really good music,
and let your barriers down.
because it's not true, there are women
who will treat you right,
and love your bad jokes,
and not lead you treacherously into their traps of poison and bones.
be true to the boy you harbor so reluctantly in your tough exterior
because i can still see him in your eyes when you smile,
and he's beautiful.
--------
you think that the words you write have nothing to do with what you hold inside.
you're wrong about that.
you are the things you imagine yourself to be, but you have to release them from the fear tight in your chest.
you aren't damaged, but people will see yourself that way if you hold your body like that. straighten your spine, darling, and pierce their eyes with the knowledge that you are
beautiful like vines crawling up gracefully over a window
you are smart like the cinnamon colored pages of old books,
you are mysterious like the deepest parts of the ocean,
and alluring like the soft, midnight tide.
nobody forgets about you, you aren't small in anybody's mind.
nobody thinks that your ordinary, they think you're fantastic,
and you need to break all your mirrors
and with scarlet dripping from your knuckles like rivers
on ice
you need to admit that you don't need them.
it makes me so happy to see you slowly blossoming
into the wild rose i know you are.
take care of yourself,
because that is the only way anybody else will be able to care for
you.
your soul is huge like the
morning sky
let yourself feel it.
--------
find your voice, and speak clearly to people who are shaking your boundaries, and tell them to BACK OFF.
yell it if you have to,
stop letting them invade you and squeeze your insides like they even have
any right to.
scream into their faces that you are not weak,
and let loose your mean side a little bit.
never let yourself be taken advantage of.
look into peoples eyes,
and search desperately for their truths.
if they don't hold their vulnerability raw and beating in their palms,
then they're not worth it.
never expend your energy to make somebody else feel better.
you can share with them your happiness, but never give it away;
because you are not an empty girl.
you are a fulfilled girl bursting at the seams with things it means
to be completely alive
and laughing
and feeling.
don't hide that.
people think its nice to be hurt
and it's so mature and creative and artsy to be damaged.
they think its romantic when you can be
“saved”
by a stupid prince who wont give you **** but a plastic crown and sore hips.
DO NOT GIVE INTO THAT ********
your eyes crinkle when you smile,
and you have small teeth that are like
waxing moons.
nobody wants to be happy
because they think it wont last,
because they think its not beautiful
but you my dear are living proof.
Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 4:12 PM UTC
i don't want to smell alcohol
on your breath when you kiss me,
i want to taste the hours that you waited
and to feel how much you missed me.
i don't want to breathe in smoke
when i bury my face into your chest,
i want to hear your barely-beating heart
and feel it pulsate in the warmth of your flesh.
i don't want to see the moon & stars
swirl like diamonds against the onyx sky,
unless i can do so in the comfort of your arms
and have your fingers interwoven with mine.
i don't even want my morning coffee
unless you're the one that brings it to me,
having learned to make it just the way i like it
and committed my preferences to your memory.
i don't want sunrises or sunsets
if i can't watch them dance upon your skin,
or love you between dove-white sheets
on saturday mornings at half-past ten.
i don't want to see the day i become old & grey
an early grave i would sooner invite,
than to live to greet old age without you
by my side to guide me into eternal night.
- m.f.
Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 4:09 PM UTC