Here's the thing,
I remember when I thought no one would ever. Love me.
How could they? I was afraid of being loved.
I felt unworthy because I "wasn't that great".
I felt like there was something wrong with people if they wanted me.
Did they have a past? Were they crazy? Up to no good? How could they want me?
It wasn't until I met this guy.
He was different. He saw me for being the goofy girl I seemed to be.
He allowed me to leave those thoughts and find joy in being liked.
Weeks turned into months and then years.
Now we are hunting for our first apartment!
I- the one who was "undesirable" have found a good one. And he's cute!
I can't believe it. Maybe it is true.
That you must suffer in order to understand and appreciate the pleasures in life.
And here's the thing...
I am loved.
Jun 8, 2017
Jun 8, 2017 at 12:15 AM UTC
It's been 5 years since you turned the page
But the pain doesn't fade away
I remember when you laid still in bed
Looking out the window
Eyeing the sun
As it began to fade
When you wouldn't eat
Because your tummy ached
When you held yourself
When no one else would
You looked ok
How could anyone know
That you cried each night
And felt so alone
No one thought you were hurting
You looked so strong
I'm glad you're still here
I know it's been hard throughout the years
One day I swear you'll forget the pain
You'll have so much to share
You'll get there oneday
Jun 7, 2017
Jun 7, 2017 at 11:54 PM UTC
It’s like wanting a home
Somewhere to call my own
But knowing it won’t happen
The bridges are burned
It’s feeling lucky
To have shelter
But knowing it’s not
Gonna last forever
It’s feeling uneased
When counting the months
Thinking I am too lucky
When will my luck turn
It’s seeing your goals
They are so near
God let me reach them
Before they are gone
It’s being compassionate
Wanting to help others
Knowing how desperation
Can be so unkind
It’s feeling alone
Yet forcing a smile
Because sadness is constant
Learning to mask it
Feb 5, 2017
Feb 5, 2017 at 5:14 PM UTC
I envy them
Because I’m on the outside
I look in at them
Happy and united
I eat alone
For the most part
I looked for safety
To leave that place
It wasn’t a choice
Now I’m alone
Looking in at them
I miss belonging
Being part of a family
I never get invited
To Christmas or Thanksgiving
Or any gatherings
I miss it
I see them happy
They never call or even text me
I tried for years
No one would reply me
Then one day I stopped
Choosing my sanity
It wasn’t my fault
To be bullied
Or the way they struck me
I've come a long way
The feeling in my chest has left
I use to squeeze it
To make the feeling disappear
But I stand alone
Much better than I did 3 years ago
I can smile and feel more whole
Time slowly heals
The scars slowly go
Oct 31, 2016
Oct 31, 2016 at 10:33 PM UTC
Here I am
A nurse to be
Doing this for myself
But for the man who created me
He molded me from his long work days
To playing soccer after the sun would set
He showed me what it meant
To work for my dreams
From rising above racist targeting
My dad had an accent
This didn't make him less
Than you and me
His mind is strong and full of qualities
That racism can't see
Because it blinds those who believe
I am a product of a man
With an accent different from you and me
But I am stronger
From the battles he faught
To give me my dream
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 9:38 PM UTC
There's this feeling...
Inside my chest
Happiness and joy
It fills the void
I like it
Pounding beneath my hand
So loud and bold
Don't ever go
Whenever I see his face
It comes alive
Everyone please, I'm in love!
It's him. He's the one
Inside my chest
I found my feeling
The person I love
Jul 27, 2016
Jul 27, 2016 at 11:28 PM UTC
Everything seemed to be going so well for me
I was finding myself looking forward to the things ahead of me
Until it all began again
Me worrying about the things that were out of my control
Feeling lost and alone
Because the door had closed
I wondered how I'd make it down this road
Because the last one left me so broke
And here I am
Looking down at my empty hands
Yearning for freedom
Yet holding my own
Nov 10, 2015
Nov 10, 2015 at 4:28 PM UTC
Dancing with friends
Yet feeling so alone
Because I tried to look pretty
For him tonight
Another fail
I'm not his type
He never cared
Dating is not the same
All he wanted was *** and drinks
Just a few dates
And that was it
What ever happened to innocent dating?
Time is lost with lousy guys
Losing patience every time
Tired of the same old thing
Lets go back to movies as dates
Holding hands and a warm embrace
Being free to make mistakes
That's what I liked
To date for fun
And go out as one
Brunch and all
Singing to the radio
We're still young
Let's make dating
Fun
Aug 20, 2015
Aug 20, 2015 at 1:22 AM UTC
It use to be what
Would haunt me
In my dreams
Make me cry
Waking up with blood shot eyes
I let my past creep in my mind
Let it torment me
Every night
I counted the days
It would go away
Until that day
I would pray
To see the day
When I could not wait
Now I'm here
On with life
Looking pass
That past of mine
Jul 15, 2015
Jul 15, 2015 at 12:17 AM UTC
It's just a dream
Where the demons sing
All through the night
To wake me from my sleep
I wander through the night
Figuring out where the noises ring
Half asleep and just as scared
As I wonder what lead me to these
Broken stairs
I begin to fear
The noises around me growing faint
It's just me
Trying to make it up these stairs
The American Dream
With its broken steps
How will I make it to the top
With the noises surrounding my
Every thought
As I climb
They begin to scream
Avoiding holes but hitting cracks
No one to hold
Because every individual
Is on their own.
Jun 20, 2015
Jun 20, 2015 at 4:09 PM UTC