i didn’t see it coming
they broke down a barrier
years in the making
as it stands now
nothing would keep me
from pressing the blade
deep into my skin
for once i’d succeed
if ever i freed myself
from this bed
Dec 30, 2021
Dec 30, 2021 at 7:58 PM UTC
to the author, in the light of day:
this is real.
the pain, the strain,
the loss - sans gain;
so many words
I here congeal,
I swear to you
that this is real
Dec 26, 2021
Dec 26, 2021 at 12:07 AM UTC
Rewind replay review and freeze:
The only thing common was the disappearance of me
Gone from the moment
Nothing but space
Held breath
Frozen
gulping for time
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 11:40 PM UTC
My mind is everywhere and nowhere
So close to nothingness
It would have
Could have
Ended right there
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 11:36 PM UTC
Tug of war with sleep and sight
I revert to childhood
Refusing submission to heavy lids
My eyes crave colors and light
Jul 29, 2019
Jul 29, 2019 at 10:03 PM UTC
Aching of loneliness
Hollow as isolation,
Guilty of weakness
Bubbled in distress
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 8:47 PM UTC
I do not want to be calmed.
I want the storm to continue surging in my head,
spilling surf from my eyes while tremors shake my shoulders.
I crave a continuation of this pure energy, more than I’ve experienced in months.
Let me pulse with the fury and despair simultaneously,
allow this tempestuous tantrum to expand infinitely into the night and beyond,
where rosy fingers announce the dreaded dawn.
But all too soon the quaking subsides and the sobs give way to gaping silence,
leaving behind an emptied crater too deep to fill with equally empty consolations.
So the chasm compounds.
The body submits at last to exhaustion,
and the mind is temporarily muted.
Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 1:38 AM UTC
I want to suspend
Like stars in a planetarium
Or jellyfish in the ocean
Just be moved by gentle motions or violent starbursts
Never exert energy and never think
Just be
Feeling without thought an ideal
Thought butchers feel
I may drift into sleep
And all will be looming when I wake
Tomorrow
And tomorrow
And tomorrow ever after
Jan 14, 2018
Jan 14, 2018 at 3:04 PM UTC
Seeking help and telling truths
are only a beginning.
It's much more difficult to be frank
And allow a leap of faith
Here, have my soul and please,
don't share it or tear it?
It's happened before and now
I'm hopelessly helplessly stuck.
****
Sep 15, 2017
Sep 15, 2017 at 9:33 PM UTC
I've constructed a highway
Over years and years
I've spent time blazing forward
Not daring to turn back
Mile after mile of groundwork
I've laid my track
and now that I've fallen I turn and I see
I've built no platform to save me from me
Sep 15, 2017
Sep 15, 2017 at 9:29 PM UTC