"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Dec 27, 2014
Dec 27, 2014 at 1:02 AM UTC
I am seeking order in this chaos, symphonies in inexpressible thoughts
I am trying to attune myself to a reality I can’t hear.
Days pass darkly, tonelessly.
In my head, a cacophony of sounds are violent.
Broken strings of violins, the keys of a piano whose keys have been
Kissed by death. My heart has never known silence -
Reverberating within me is the sound
Of a bird that never learnt to sing, only scream.
I want things finer than words. Instead of this stasis – I crave orchestral magic. I don’t mind if everything I touch turns into a tragedy,
As long as it is art:
I want to master the laws of beauty, and then destroy them.
Aug 24, 2014
Aug 24, 2014 at 1:24 PM UTC
The moon is beautiful in her solitude.
From afar she is like a pearl, pure white
Like milk.
Though she knows multitudes:
She is not white like a pearl, smooth like
silk.
Surfaces are cratered, tumultuous, grey and not white.
Sometimes she is shy, disappearing behind clouds and shadowed trees,
As if she were scared of her own light.
She waxes, she wanes, she decreases
And fades, only to become brighter than ever.
She knows what it is like to be ever -changing, outshining everything in
Her splendor.
Like her, I want to illuminate dark skies.
Aug 22, 2014
Aug 22, 2014 at 7:37 AM UTC
I breathe in the fumes
Intoxicated states of pure bliss
In the form of headaches
I feel quietly numb.
Huffing away the days
To forget what's going wrong
In my solvent haze
I remember you have gone.
I breathe in the fumes
I medicate myself with bleach
These tendencies last weeks
I fear it may be my last breath it takes.
Aug 21, 2014
Aug 21, 2014 at 4:45 PM UTC
I slam the breaks on my mind
Reverse. Reverse. Reverse.
Back to a time where everything was trivial.
Where it didn't matter if I tripped up
Cut my knees
Cause they could heal...
Broken things could be repaired.
And now I wonder
Am I too far gone to mend my self?
My troubled head
And fix the way I think about life
I often dwell on death instead.
They tell me: imagine the things you say to yourself now
Are what you are saying to your childhood self
Are these things ok to say to a child?
Or should you shut your mouth?
I slam the accelerator of my mind
Forward. Forward. Forward.
Towards a brighter time ahead.
Where it doesn't matter if I mess up
Be reckless
Cause in time things will heal.
Broken things can be repaired.
Aug 21, 2014
Aug 21, 2014 at 2:25 PM UTC
The sky is empty –
I am ****** down here.
Hell is in my heart,
It is burning through my blood.
Its relentless beating, scorching
Will leave me to ashes;
I am ****** to myself.
The sky is empty –
The world is divinely alone.
Sadness greets me like a lover,
It is omnipresent, it listens, it watches
It envelopes me like a dark cloak
Its gentle familiarity
Is my favourite sin.
I clasp my hands together just to feel I am living,
That I exist in my skin.
The sky is empty –
I shed a tear,
a drop of holy water.
I have felt. I am cleansed. In the depths of my misery,
I am blessed.
It is nighttime.
I contemplate the
dark sky, with its distant stars.
I create the world again.
Let there be light, I say.
Aug 21, 2014
Aug 21, 2014 at 1:50 PM UTC
It's not yet winter but the cold has crept in
And wilted the flowers that grew in the spring
I saw death in the darkness
He said "hello" to me
As he plucked all the leaves from the branches of trees.
But I also saw life in the faces of those
Holding hands and laughing as though waiting for snow
Maybe death is a gift - oh I know this is true
It gives us a chance to live life to the full.
Life forms come out of hiding after winter has gone
From their slumber awake but their journeys move on
Because time waits for no one, they say time heals wounds
I don't want to compare you to creatures
But there's an animal in you.
You can ravage the beauty like winter does too
But there will always be beauty in a world without you.
Aug 20, 2014
Aug 20, 2014 at 3:39 AM UTC
A serenade to the crowd
The applaud white noise to my ears
As I perform to please
To tempt, to tease.
Divine indulgence
A guilty pleasure they seek
I undress myself with grace
I pout, I pose with ease.
Its only art
And baby I play a character so well
A show-stopper
They swoon, but they never tell.
Aug 20, 2014
Aug 20, 2014 at 3:39 AM UTC
Waiting, Words, nothing,
****** mouth, ****** brain,
Inadequate heart,
we are in battle again.
The girl who seeks solace in words but cannot speak them.
My words mean nothing.
It all means nothing.
I sometimes think, when my inaudible voice fails me
You must know
How intensely I have replied;
does it not show in my eyes?
All the while my face is like a stone.
It is all a show.
You could not really know, how my mind, it tears and rips itself apart screaming shouting wailing crying
Its helpless vacillations
Of emotion
Its indecisiveness
It is a curse,
To feel so deeply, to hurt and hate and cry and love so much
And to never be able to convey anything.
Aug 19, 2014
Aug 19, 2014 at 7:06 AM UTC