there's blood on my sheets
and blood on my arm
and nothing I can say
will bring you harm
you will never love me
you will never care enough
for me to stop all this pain
for me to be tough
it would be so easy
if I could yell at you
but you're untouchable
and so blinded with your view
everything looks great right now
but I don't think it will last
you just think about the moment
you ignore the past
you can't pretend it didn't happen
the pain you've caused isn't over
you have to pay for your actions
this won't hit you until you're sober
you have broken me in two
and you never stopped to check
if I had mended in any way
but I've just stayed a wreck
I'm lost without you
but I'm lost in my own mind
it's a vast ocean of terror
rough, stormy, and never kind
I'm done waiting on your lifeboat
I know it won't come
but sure go back to her
go back where you're from
make her so happy
enjoy the good times
because just you wait
things will not stay in line
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 9:11 AM UTC
I think his name in my sleep
It is on repeat as I drift between consciousness and somewhere else
But I can never let him know that his name is a mantra
I repeat to help me get through the days
But I have been realizing that the more I say it
The less meaning it has
His name stops having an affect
I've gotten to the place where I hate hearing it
But I love it
I say it to remind me of the pain
And remind me of my love
My love unreturned
How could someone get me to care so ******* much
And then turn around and pretend nothing changed
But so much has, my love. So much has
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 12:25 AM UTC
I'm in love with someone who doesn't care
Is there anything worse?
He promised he would always be there
But he ******* lied
He wrote his name on my brain
But I couldn't even tell him mine
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 12:22 AM UTC
People wonder why I build so many walls
I just tell them, look around!
Do you see anyone left?
Everyone who could get into my walls
whispered the words I long to hear
"I'll always be here. I'm not leaving"
To get through my password protected gates
And then they look around
Sight see
Explore
Find nothing except burnt and broken pieces
But my pieces don't fit together anymore
I am not a puzzle that just takes concentration
I cannot be fixed by any one person
I can promise you that the damage you do
Will be exceeded by the next one
They will not be able to fix me either
I'm sorry
I'm sorry you can't figure me out
I'm sorry you left me with more scars than you found me with
I'm sorry I don't know how to value myself
I'm sorry I can't relate to someone more put together
You were the puzzle I wanted to solve
But you did your own solving
You came to me less broken
And expected me to be the same glued together creation
I wanted you to be my glue
But you aren't glue
You're a sledge hammer
You aren't sure where to pound to help out
So you just start beating and beating
And breaking and breaking
Shattering the few pieces left
And then walking out of my walls
Wondering why
You couldn't fix my puzzle
With a hammer
Sep 3, 2014
Sep 3, 2014 at 2:05 AM UTC
loving you is a delicate affair
I go months thinking you don't care
only to have you texting me sweet things
I feel like you're making me dance on strings
balancing on what I want and what is right
my future with you is never bright
but why is it all I desire?
you leave a ******* fire
all over the people you touch
maybe I just care about you too much
the burns I suffer are only surface
without the pain I have no purpose
I wish you could just leave me alone
but my heart is for you to own
no one else can get through
my walls are not new
they have become so thick
but for you they opened like a trick
they will open whenever you ask
please. please come back.
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 9:06 PM UTC
You stung me
Like the blade I use to carve my arms
You stung me
Like the insults I give myself constantly
You stung me
Like when they left, every last one of them
You stung me
By saying you wouldn't leave, but did anyway
You stung me
Nothing hurts quite as much as when
You stung me
You left
You stung me
You knew everything
But you left
And now I'm alone
Stung
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 12:12 AM UTC
I wish my weight would just walk away
as easily as you did
I wish my scars would heal as fast
as easily as you got over me
I wish my heart didn't ache
as much as my head does
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 8:14 PM UTC
I've spent restless nights writing poems to and about you with heavy eyelids; poems you'll never read, poems I'll never have the guts to let you read, poems you'll never even know about.
I've described every single part, perk, quality of you with the most beautiful words I can find in the dictionary because you don't deserve simple, ordinary words.
Even your flaws are beautiful.
And still, I cannot string any of the million words in any language together to describe you or my love for you perfectly.
And I write about you like you sank your paintbrush in a cup of universe and created hundreds of galaxies; like you placed the stars in the sky, neatly arranged them into beautiful constellations.
Here is yet another poem for and about you, written with eyelids as heavy as the ocean at 3:36 in the morning, after deciding there was no way I could sleep as my mind was still awake and thinking about you- as always.
Jun 22, 2014
Jun 22, 2014 at 8:40 PM UTC
She is a miasma of regret and gin
My resurrection Mary bound by sin
We all have white mice and black dogs
We all have white mice and black dogs
We all have songs we cannot sing
Burdens to bare upon our wings
She is a gilded crown one cannot wear
A ghostly smile, a forbidden stare
Dancing graveyard tangos before mother lune
She swirls and cascades and flies up to the moon
Her smile the jagged blade that ripped her wrist
And yet her shadow still persists
A spectre of memory upon my pealing wall
A heartbeat echoing from beneath the floor
A happiness known only to be ******
Inundated by **** and sand
She comes to me with wailing moans
The intolerable moments I am alone
She comes to me with obscene plans
And how I long to take her hand
To take the claw, take the blade
Bid adieu to sweat and shade
Oh bells and flame and an absence of pain
That endless slumber, oblivion, peace
Where broken girls find sweet relief
To be judged by lord on high, to be saved
To find the comfort I forever crave
To hug once more that girl I loved
Who visits me from far above
But she is a spectre of my dreams
My ignoble suffering, my pain and though it seems
She offers paradise she offers nothing but
She is an absence, a fissure, an empty plot
Where does that ****** maiden dwell?
There is no heaven, there is no hell
There is but this moment now, this moment now
For she is gone, and take note how
She cannot suffer, but nor delight
In warm winds nor the sordid ballet of night
In songs that come from god’s own choir
Or the devils dance of deep desire
Where live your smiles, if not on my own lips?
What persistence have you, if I did not exist?
She is dead
She has ceased to be
While every moment moves in me
Her waters still, mine swarm and flow
Onwards and upwards with any dream to know
So yes I dream of death, for she is sweet
To remember why my life I keep
A toast, a cavalcade of praise and love
I send to thee up high above
But understand why, my darling friend, I cannot follow
For I still long to taste tomorrow
Jun 22, 2014
Jun 22, 2014 at 8:36 PM UTC