If someone prays to be loved, do you think God gives them love, or does He give them the opportunity to love themselves?
If someone prays to be chosen, do you think God makes someone choose them, or does He give them the opportunity to choose themselves?
If someone prays to feel enough, do you think God fills them with instant confidence, or does He give them the opportunity to see their own worth?
May 16
May 16, 2026 at 2:10 AM UTC
Let’s admit it.
October Monday.
I think I knew it
from the first day I saw you.
The idea of you.
You were never going to be
someone else’s.
Knowing the ending from the beginning.
Knowing the ending from the beginning.
I knew it from the start.
You’re attractive to everyone.
Impressive to everyone.
There are other girls too.
Maybe it was just curiosity.
Would someone like you
ever be interested in me?
I don’t even know you.
Maybe that’s the limerence.
How could everything about you
feel like pulse?
James Franco eyes.
Those brown eyes.
I look away,
but they still follow me home.
James Franco eyes.
Late night smile.
You turn into light
inside my mind.
Every time our eyes met,
the song was always playing.
Funny thing is,
I don’t even know
which song it was anymore.
I got a new puzzle.
Separated it by colors.
Funny.
We were the same color.
We fell side by side.
(Or at least I thought so.)
Everything I learned about you
made me like you more.
But the thing is,
there was no actual information.
Just the source itself.
And somehow that was enough.
That spring morning,
I knew I had to end it.
I knew I shouldn’t wait for you.
I had to get you out of my head.
Decisions, decisions.
Until I saw you again.
Until my eyes met yours.
I lost.
I lost.
Maybe the worst part
was knowing from the beginning.
Still,
I watched it happen anyway.
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 10:31 AM UTC
I didn’t come
because it was too much.
I didn’t speak
because it was too much.
I didn’t throw myself
into your eyes.
Not too little.
Too much.
Deep enough
to think about everything at once.
You were never the wrong person,
just the person meant to leave.
The exact person needed
to teach something painful.
Not for yesterday.
Not for tomorrow.
Not for this life.
Uncertainty tsunami.
End.
Don’t end.
Come.
Don’t come.
Look at me.
Don’t look at me.
Everything from you
burns straight through me.
Did it have to happen like this?
Why you?
Why not you?
All the answers stay open.
About you.
About us.
Was this a game to you?
Sometimes it felt that way.
Like there was never fear
of hurting me.
Just because you looked exciting,
huge enough to destroy my home
and everything living inside me,
didn’t mean you were good for me.
Didn’t mean
you belonged to me.
Begging for it to end.
Begging for it not to end.
Begging you to come.
Begging you not to come.
Running from myself to you,
from you back to myself.
Circles inside circles.
You confuse my mind.
Head pressed into the bed,
still unable to solve you.
Because this was the first.
The first confusion.
The first uncertainty.
The first tsunami.
Everything from you
burns me alive.
Stay.
Don’t stay.
Wanting you gone.
Wanting you here.
And no longer knowing
what to do with that feeling.
Sometimes people try
to outrun tsunamis.
But eventually waves fade
on their own.
Maybe they were never meant
to drown anyone.
Maybe they came
to clear the way.
And maybe the house
had to collapse first
so something stronger
could finally be rebuilt.
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 10:19 AM UTC
Wanting to be discovered
down to the deepest parts,
to have everything known
and still not forgotten.
Not compliments,
but questions.
Not to be desired,
but wondered about.
Not a problem to solve,
a soul to understand.
Not cold, just distant.
Not shallow, but deep.
You stand there looking at me,
but distance changes nothing.
No one becomes yours
just from being watched.
The eyes love beauty,
the mind loves understanding,
but the soul only loves
what resembles itself.
Some things need time
before they bloom.
If everything happened instantly,
nothing would feel valuable.
Not faces, but souls
become ugly.
People chosen like colors
from a palette.
And from above,
everything looks like art.
Let there be art
inside your eyes.
Look into hazel eyes,
touch brown hair.
A forest somewhere around us,
branches moving in the wind,
someone climbing a tree
just to be remembered.
How can something be ugly
when somebody once loved it?
A face a mother smiles at,
a face where someone found beauty.
Not harsh, just principled.
Not bad, but good.
Too deep to see the ending,
blue like the sky before rain.
Not a problem to solve,
a soul to understand.
You stand there looking,
but distance still remains.
Not faces, but souls
become ugly.
People arranged like colors
inside somebody else’s painting.
And maybe all of this
was art from the beginning.
Some things need time
before they bloom.
If they arrived too quickly,
they would never stay precious.
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 10:13 AM UTC
Kinda looks like your mind came undone
Did the game break when I stayed myself?
Did it break when I stopped giving you my smile?
Or when I remembered who I was all the while?
I stay myself inside my lines
Trying to protect this heart of mine
While you moved so careless through my pain
Never seeing what remained
Couldn’t read me through the haze
Maybe I’m just hard to trace
Why’s everything with you this hard?
Why do I keep tearing myself apart?
It’s not flowing, with you it freezes
Turning in circles but never reaches me
Like the night keeps chasing daylight
Night and day in each other’s eyes
Don’t tell me you never noticed me there
Scanning the room with your careful stare
Knowing where I sit, who I’m talking to
Don’t lie like I never mattered to you
I know this game, I know that role
Looking untouched while losing control
This whole thing pulls me under slow
Two black holes that can’t let go
Never meant to be each other’s home
I fought myself to get to you
But something inside me wouldn’t move
Until I saw there was nothing to win
Nothing worth destroying myself within
Until I saw nobody chose me back
Just a twist of fate that we both lived
You don’t even have to say a thing
You’re just enjoying the in-between
Living inside this twisted game
Locking yourself before it becomes real
Moon and sun
Moon and sun
Guess I was blinded by my own light all along
Thought you were the sun that would light up my night
Mistook the moon for sunlight
Love keeps spilling out of me somehow
Onto you or someone else around
No matter where it goes or leaves
It always stays inside of me
x nursena
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 10:08 AM UTC
Looking for character
in a beautiful face
Looking for a beautiful soul
in a beautiful body
Never thought you needed
the persona you were trying to show
Never thought you were weak
Never thought there was so much unknown
Knew from the start
why you were chosen
Didn’t always understand
what you did and why it happened
But there was a reflection
somewhere inside you
How can two things never look alike
and still reflect the same view?
Our shadows don’t leave us
yours and mine
Maybe if we stood
in the right places, at the right time
We would become
one shadow
Thought gods had no fears
Thought a man was a god though
It took time to see
that you were scared of something too
What you fear is visible
as clearly as what pulls you
While somehow
there was never a full view of me
Only fragments were noticed
never the whole of me
Our shadows don’t leave us
yours and mine
Maybe if we stood
in the right places, at the right time
We would become
one shadow
Thought gods had no fears
Thought a man was a god though
Searching for depth
inside a beautiful face
Searching for a beautiful soul
inside a beautiful body’s shape
But there is nothing good here
not in this darkness
And love cannot survive here
not inside this darkness
Our shadows don’t leave us
yours and mine
Maybe if we stood
in the right places, at the right time
We would become
one shadow
But love cannot survive
in this darkness
Not here.
x nursena
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 10:01 AM UTC
You looked like the boy
everybody wanted close
warm enough to feel familiar
too wanted to truly hold
Like a star from far away
beautiful enough to watch for hours
too precious to ever touch
too bright to ever be ours
It was easy to romanticize you
small moments became galaxies in my head
While you looked happy with everybody else
I felt smaller instead
And maybe I fell for a version
that only lived in my mind
maybe I loved the idea
because that version of me felt alive
While lighting up the lights
how do you turn them off at the same time?
Red lights, red lights
like lighthouses in the night
Now there’s no mystery, no magic left
you spilled it all into the light
If this is who you really are
then the dream was mine
I can’t tell if I miss you
or the meaning I gave you
Maybe I built a whole world
from eye contact and silence too
Two black holes in a galaxy
mistaking destruction for gravity
pulling light out of each other
without even realizing the tragedy
Then I saw you out in the open
and the wonder slowly died
No curiosity, no mystery
just a truth I couldn’t hide
What are you running from?
Why do you waste yourself like that?
You looked untouchable before
now I can only see the cracks
You showed me what I shouldn’t become
a reflection I denied
You made me question everything
and my respect slowly died
don’t hate you
just can’t romanticize you anymore.
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 9:55 AM UTC
My parasocial fantasy,
spotlight on you.
And all I saw
was everything you had.
Everything you had
was all I could see.
I liked the way
you looked at me.
Too good to ever be mine,
too big to fit inside my life.
You were gigantic in my mind
until I finally saw your picture.
You’re not the person in my head.
The thing that kept me alive
for seven months
wasn’t you.
Is it my fault?
Did I exaggerate you,
or did you exaggerate yourself?
I can’t tell the difference anymore.
Back away, back away.
I’m running from you,
from myself, from myself.
Running from me,
from you, from you.
Reality line crossed again.
Dreams feel real
and reality feels fake.
We’re the same, we’re different.
A mirror
and a projector.
My mind filled
every empty space,
and now it’s all undoing
on its own.
Masks are falling
one by one.
A mirror
and a projector.
My dreams reflected
the person you already were.
Every blank space
my brain completed for you.
But slowly,
everything unravels by itself,
and who you are
starts showing through.
When you notice me pulling away,
you push yourself
back into my sight.
You do the things
I always wanted,
wrong way,
wrong time.
But now I’ve seen it.
I can’t pretend
I didn’t.
Why won’t you
just let me go?
Why can’t I
just like you and leave?
Am I just another piece
inside your machine?
What are you checking
over your shoulder for?
I can feel myself
inside your head.
Is it your ego,
or are you just insecure?
Reality line crossed again.
Dreams feel real
and reality feels fake.
We’re the same, we’re different.
A mirror
and a projector.
My mind filled
every empty space,
and now it’s all undoing
on its own.
Masks are falling
one by one.
A mirror
and a projector.
(too Jung, too Jung)
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 9:43 AM UTC
While I look at you
I see you looking at somebody else
Just like somebody else
Keeps looking at me
Triangles inside triangles
They pierce through me
I don’t think I can take it anymore
Now I can’t breathe
When I was younger
It was easier to ignore
I wished you were mine
That you liked me back in time
That you would choose me
That I could fit inside this city
I loved you from afar
I never had a name to call
You screamed at me
That I would never be yours
But there was no sound
Nowhere had a sound
You looked at me
But you never saw me
Your eyes wandered over me
Again and again endlessly
But they never stayed with me
Having a crush
Isn’t romantic anymore
Like it once was before
Every girl I talk to about you
Ends up fascinated by you
I see it in their eyes
Like all the strangers do
Proximity-distance paradox
You sit right beside me
And never speak
Still feeling impossibly weak
We never needed to talk
Probably for different reasons
But we both knew the ending
Long before the leaving
Attention isn’t love
Looking isn’t desire
Desire isn’t love
And love isn’t fire
Maybe I wanted you
To escape from myself
What’s strange is
By looking at me
You showed me
How I should look at myself
And there was no sound
Nowhere had a sound.
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 9:37 AM UTC
You don’t respect me
Just because I can’t get over you
What am I living through?
God, what am I even living through?
You look at me
Like you want to look into my blood
And when you look at me
Do the girls come to your mind again?
Am I part of the crowd to you?
Or the one outside of it?
I was Finding Nemo
Bleeding in front of a shark
A fish is bleeding inside your net
And it gives you pleasure
I think there were others too
There always were
I thought
The treasure at the bottom of the ocean
Was you
MY bLOodVE
MY bLOodVE
Without touching me
Without even trying
I hate
The effect you have on me
MY bLOodVE
You keep looking into my blood
You asked
How this could even happen
How we keep running into each other
Again and again
Something is being pushed into our eyes from above
From above
Do you see what’s being shown?
I resisted seeing it
And now it’s too bright to even look at
Maybe I wanted you
To escape from myself
What’s strange is
You held a flashlight
To the things at the bottom of the water
You reminded me
What I should never accept
What I never wanted
MY bLOodVE
MY bLOodVE
Without touching me
Without even trying
I hate
The effect you have on me
MY bLOodVE
You keep looking into my blood
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 9:08 AM UTC