I have a guilty pleasure, one most peculiar,
I've taken time to think about time and time again,
I still don't have answer for this problem however.
December cold, sleet hitting people on the streets,
I felt a chill down my spine while walking, one of a unconscious retreat,
I faded out, losing any feeling in myself,
and watched the movie from the front row seat of my mind.
There I was, looking around as if trying to hide,
When a man appeared, smile and gun in hand.
One, two, he tried to shoot,
Three, four, he lying on the floor,
Five, six, his arms broke like ****** sticks,
Seven, eight, another punch would decide his mangled state,
Nine, ten... I came back to, watching in horror what I did.
His body lay broken on the floor, his gun wrenched inside his mouth and forcefully shoved in,
His hands both squished with imprint of my shoe,
His neck was twisted, like a gnarled branch,
And his arms were ripped out of their sockets, blood dripping and pouring out on the floor from both limbs.
As I stood there, blood, shock, and terror covering my face,
I told myself that nothing would happen countless times,
And walked away, no traces except for images in my brain.
Yet tonight I stare up at that moon once more,
Ah, the movie's about to start again...
Feb 15, 2013
Feb 15, 2013 at 1:47 PM UTC
Look at me,
what do you see?
A mirror image cracked?
Hear me out,
even if you have a doubt.
Am I even wanted?
Give me some reason to believe,
that you actually love me.
I am your son,
but you seem so done...
with me.
You gave me reason to suspect that every thing was fine,
but you made me feel like I couldn't stop dying.
Your jealousy of me is so dumb,
Im not as strong as you, like a little crumb.
It wasn't until now that I had to take time to think,
and realize that everything was going down the sink.
You wanted me to be proud of you,
when it should've been the other way around.
I've done nothing that would make you think,
that all I want to do is smoke and drink.
I know I'm not perfect,
but I know you're not either.
I used to think you hated me,
mostly because I wasn't what you wanted me to be.
Then I realized after so long,
that I was horribly wrong.
It's your fault for feeling this way,
and the way that you've treated me to this day.
You make me wanna puke,
every time I hear your name.
You didn't have everything when you young,
and now your feelings are ever-so stung.
I started off with everything,
a family, fun, and freedom.
You, not so much.
I can understand that you didn't like it back then,
and I'd be here for you if you didn't push me away back then.
Your hatred of my life that's more fortunate than yours,
can only be measured by the amount yelling you've done in your mind's tours.
I can't believe I'm the only one,
to realize this huge lie.
You've given me every reason to want to cry.
I can't even be proud of a man,
who's still a child to his kin.
Even the child finally knows,
his reason of why hate flows.
You scare me in every way,
I wouldn't even be able to talk to you any day.
You're a bomb ready to blow,
and I'm a light with the right fire that glows.
Why can't you be proud of your kid,
whom works independently to get through life?
Who's never drank, smoked, or taken advantage of.
Why is it that every time I try to talk,
I'm the one who's accused of yelling or getting out of hand,
when you're the one who intimidates me to no freaking end.
I can't take this lie anymore,
my mind is too tired and sore.
My heart no longer longs for the stepdad you are,
you've changed and taken it way too far.
I know that I'm not perfect and I have mistakes,
but let me live a little and learn a little,
and try to be your friend and your son,
so that I can still be here for you,
and still love you as a father.
But now I can't stand it,
you've used your time up,
I've gone away now,
and want nothing to do with you.
Feb 4, 2012
Feb 4, 2012 at 9:35 PM UTC
I try,
I really do.
but no matter how many times,
I'll still never be as good as new.
I wish I could show you the self that isn't scarred up,
that still has that happiness in it.
This body is just torn up and destroyed,
so please don't give me another hit.
I wanna feel special,
when I'm around you I DO.
You aren't as proud as I am though,
feelings that are dying to a few.
I'm starting to had doubts mixed with sadness,
concurring thoughts that contradict madness.
Stabilize my brain once more,
support thoughts that are fadless.
I suppose we'll see again,
my thoughts are about to die.
Can't we find a larger room,
so I can just have space to lie?
I don't need much to live,
but too much to die.
I have to stay up,
my brain is still alive.
Jul 31, 2011
Jul 31, 2011 at 5:36 PM UTC
This can't be much more simple and easier to understand,
words simply slide out of my mouth and reach the ground.
Tasteless contradictories tickle your ear as you try to scream your demand,
I can't help but giggle so sadistically at your voice's sound.
"Leave me alone, I didn't want this!",
Screams your hoarse lungs.
"Maybe thinking it through would've put you in less ****
filters my voice like a thousand love songs.
Crying deeply and in immense confusion you run,
I can't help but notice the overflow of regret swallowing your soul.
Solemnly you will stand there for another half of a second to process what I sung,
and you can definitely feel my eyes suddenly turn cold.
"Are you sad or happy?",
you ask in sorrowful tears.
"I can see you are just trying to sappy."
I giggle loudly at the thought of you trying to conquer your fears.
"Once upon a time..." says you, you idiot,
"You can think it, but it will never come true. Lies were made to strike down you."
"So why not a happy ending?" you ask, trying to escape it,
"Because," I began, "I hold the happy, but you have the ending, and nothing will bring them together, in all truth."
"Violence was created from your eyes, as you sought out your happy,
However, that happy was me, which you deliberately threw away.
Why now, of all times, have you come to ask for it all shabby,
When I no longer see you as you, but as an angel gone horribly astray?"
"I'm tired of the lies and of the "I don't care"'s,
I want you to see what will really rip you apart inside.
I want everything to fall so you can take it in really deep, in a scared stare,
I want you to see this true nightmare that I can become, when from me, all my happiness was pried."
With that I walked away, knowing what hurt,
hand in hand with another lady that made me happy.
Yes, I know this sounds just plain out absurd,
but listen. Stay away from those who make you snappy.
Apr 11, 2011
Apr 11, 2011 at 9:42 AM UTC
She hides behind a cloak of whispers and lies,
so demanding of men in nice suits and ties.
Her face so relaxed but in disgust at all,
trust me when I say she won't care if you are short or tall.
Her words fly out of her mouth so consistently,
hypocrisy is a normal thing that happens so insistently.
She finds the bitter ones sweet and the sweet ones annoying,
but luck has it that their hearts is what she is toying.
She'll lay down her head and stare at the sky,
but why not read a book instead of crying over a guy?
You talk as if your words are so much better,
so I really hope you read this letter.
You lied to me and then said that lying was bad,
yet you repeat it over and over so now I am mad.
Wishing guarentees you nothing but silence and wasted time,
you won't learn this you drug-driven mime.
You will silently follow the crowd and do whatever it does,
but for God's sake, don't say I do so too, it insults and creates foes.
My main pleasure is to please the child in my heart,
you aim for the men to get into your legs that are apart.
You feast on attention and try to act all dignified,
I at least act like me, and what I am signified.
My only words are this, and it is quite simple to feel,
shut up. To you, I don't have to kneel.
Your words mean nothing and nothing at all,
so there is no point in trying to stall.
Seeing as your actions led you astray and fell of path,
I guess I will do much better Pre-K math.
...
*****
Apr 11, 2011
Apr 11, 2011 at 9:18 AM UTC
So here I am, knife in hand, and feeling angry,
my mind is swollen with yours which is so mangy.
Oh hey look, a butterfly flies past my eyes,
so beautifully that I begin to skip towards it's cries.
I turn around and I want to burn you all down,
every last person should be buried in the ground!
Suddenly I cry and weep about how lonely I am,
my ideas are like checkered maps of a mind that is in a cram.
**** I hate you so much!
Why don't you die like the others and such!?
B-but I love you and I could never think that.
I can't seem to stop wearing this huge schizophrenic hat.
I want to rip your throat out,
and shove your leg down your trachea spout.
Then I want to hug and cherish you forever,
I don't know who I am, I swear.
Mar 4, 2011
Mar 4, 2011 at 6:26 PM UTC
It couldn't possibly be so drastically simple to figure out it was blue,
even when at the tip of my tongue laid the words **** you."
Even more so is that I can't stand my strength,
even when I can hold up or can't even understand my sanity's length.
This scream that deepens in my throat every day I feel growing colder,
it jabs at my lips waiting to be set free and set everything a solder.
On the brightside my sanity has escaped my eyes,
and turn into something that you couldn't even recognize.
My voice has slipped out of my ear,
and all I can hear are the voices of the morals of my fear.
My thoughts have become somewhat of a sin,
they were never nice to me anyways before that end.
I could never so calmly say "I love you." to anyone anymore,
with so much ******** that you have injected in to my life forevermore.
It becomes so hard to breathe,
from all this disease.
I can't even speak that is just kills me,
even when I mouth the words "Flee.".
Even with your dismay from the shattered skies,
it just seems to fade and fall away from all of your lies.
A hopeless dream comes true and burns in hell,
it is just another of heaven to sell.
So rip out another pitiful excuse you son of a *****
I'm not scared of you and neither is my killing itch.
Drenched in this aching of hatred,
Sorrow was my deal that was just sacred.
Sep 28, 2010
Sep 28, 2010 at 4:03 PM UTC
The knife cuts so deeply into your skin,
so silently is seeps into your arm,
like the words you sold to me in my sin,
but I'm the one you want to harm.
This saw blade buzzes on your arms and legs,
violently ripping them apart so graciously,
like when you used to pull mine in your begs,
so now you get your own medicine only more tenaciously.
I take these tweezers and so gently pluck out your eyes,
and all I can hear are your lying screams,
"Oh don't hurt me, they weren't lies!,
it is just a coincidence that they line up with the seams!"
I am getting weary of your voice,
once felt good to hear so I will just sew it up shut,
you can only cry now but that is just your choice,
like you "always did" like a little ****
I want you to digest my voice and hear it in pain,
this was the only time I could let you know it,
I will just rip your stomach open and let it breathe while you are still sane,
hold on though because I am not just done with you yet.
Finally and lastly with hatred seeping from my skin,
I take this scalpel and carve out your heart,
don't worry Christian for I have already repent for this sin,
and these last words just seemed so smart:
"I love you, but remember my darling,
you said your heart was mine,
you told me no matter your snarling,
your heart was forever mine."
Aug 15, 2010
Aug 15, 2010 at 3:54 PM UTC
Frozen roses,
burning lilies,
singing in poses,
look at them like you are special.
You were in my eyes,
but you threw that away,
for lustful lies,
scars across your back...
So ***** this,
I am a promise you wanted,
something you can spoil like ****
I can't say no to it though.
Aug 9, 2010
Aug 9, 2010 at 2:39 PM UTC
The hidden dawn,
it is creeping behind my back,
like a nefarious fawn,
ready to leap and attack.
My skin holds all the scars,
the ones that we endured together,
no matter what tars,
we promised to be forever.
Save me from this insanity,
it's eating me away,
my friends and family,
they have gone astray!
I walk down this hall once more,
I look behind me and see a figure,
his face holds memories of gore,
and I just run away from this fear.
I can't escape from this hell,
he knows my every move,
I trip and look and at that moment I could tell,
it was me in front that stood.
Save me from this insanity,
it's eating me away,
my friends and family,
they have gone astray!
I finally realize and start to laugh,
it creeps inside of me,
it's divine hatred is a craft,
until I can no longer see.
Aug 9, 2010
Aug 9, 2010 at 6:59 AM UTC