when you hear your alarm go off the first time,
and then the second time,
and the third you finally open your eyes to
find yourself surrounded by the same four walls as yesterday -
it's okay if you press snooze again.
it's okay to go back to bed today.
but you don't.
when you're putting on your mascara,
and then your eyeliner,
and all the other crap that makes you feel pretty -
it's okay if you cry it all off.
it's okay to go back to bed today.
but you don't.
when you're putting on your favourite jeans,
and your comfy sweater,
and they just don't fit the same as they used to
because you're not the same as you once were -
it's okay to try something different.
it's also okay to just go back to bed today.
but you don't.
when you're walking down the hallway to your first class,
and then your second one and it's all just as dreadful,
and you can't concentrate on anything other than
just picking up one foot after the other, just getting there -
it's okay to just be present physically for today, if that's all you can manage.
but maybe, it would be okay if you just went back to bed today.
but you don't.
when you get home and your mom calls you for dinner,
once, twice, and three times,
but you're just not hungry and you're not sure you can
keep up the stone face you've been wearing all day -
it's okay to ask her to save some for you to have later.
just go back to bed, just give yourself some room to breathe.
but you don't.
every day, you fight the same battle.
and if it feels like you're not making any progress,
just remember that you didn't go back to bed -
and you could have -
but you didn't.
Nov 11, 2014
Nov 11, 2014 at 12:43 AM UTC
where do you go?
when all the doors have been slammed in your face,
when you hold on just a second too long,
and you're dragged in by the undertow
in such a deadly embrace,
where do you go?
when your eyes have drained of passion -
the kind that drove you to the fight you never forfeit,
when you lose all you love, and everything you know
where does your broken heart take you then?
where do you go?
when your panic room is exactly how it sounds,
no longer built for safety but for keeping
all your darkness contained within,
letting madness ensue underneath your skin
where the shadows have no bounds.
where do you go?
when you're lost, but you know the feeling
and you know exactly where you are, cause
when in this deadly embrace,
is where we find ourselves -
hiding.
Nov 11, 2014
Nov 11, 2014 at 12:21 AM UTC
I wanted to write about how much I loved
the way your fingers move quietly down your guitar
as it gently weeps, but I could only remember the way
those same hands left bruises on my body
and left me sobbing at 2am.
I tried to write with ink how much I missed you,
but I scribe only with spilled blood.
This is what it was, and always will be.
Strum you do, on your guitar so lovingly
and my heart strings too - more reckless with each beat.
Raise the tempo, my heart rate too.
I want to forgive,
and forget the way this music used to move us,
but my love,
I ******* hate you.
Nov 11, 2014
Nov 11, 2014 at 12:01 AM UTC
what happened to you that burned
a fire in your gut, you look
like you breathed in a forest fire
overnight an forgot how to
exhale anything but ash and dust.
you look to be in pain, like
your lungs are rubbing together
like two pieces of sandpaper.
I can see you need help
to put yourself out, but
I can't get too close
without burning myself.
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 12:43 PM UTC
clever boy, honest heart
a voice of well kept notes, and an unsound mind
in grieving, in loss you sang
never silenced, always tested
songbird, keep on singing.
string each note together as you always have
in beauty and even darkness, you sang
so full of love and life
songbird, keep on singing.
clever boy, broken heart
composing music, but never yourself
songbird, keep on singing
and hiding behind your art.
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 2:44 PM UTC
I fell in love with someone who gave me everything.
He held me closer than I'd ever known, and right there - breathing in his musk, I was not afraid. I was indestructible.
But he didn't love me, and it broke my heart.
People are not safe havens.
I fell in love with someone who took everything.
He left me empty-handed, but with a few scars to show for it. The apologies came in fistfuls, and my forgiveness never did.
He loved me, and it broke my heart.
But people are not prisons, either.
I've had to try and fail at love in a million ways, but you learn to fall apart gracefully.
People are just people,
and you are in control of your life.
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 11:40 PM UTC
Despite every massacre of yourself,
you are still ******* here.
Doesn't that count for anything?
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 11:09 PM UTC
If you're not sure something is right for you anymore, end it.
Leave.
Whether it's a relationship, home, your job or the person you've become —
Just leave.
Nothing leads you down the right path better than missing something,
Or not missing it at all.
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 11:08 PM UTC
In between. That’s what I’ve always been.
In between jobs, in between destinations. In between breaths, heartbreaks — myself and what I want.
Never quite there yet, never too far gone.
Just in between.
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 1:16 PM UTC
That’s the problem with people.
They don’t realize that they exist outside of their own little worlds.
When you broke my heart, did you realize the sound of your voice was already embedded into my memory?
When you kissed her right in front of me, did you know a whole universe collapsed inside of me?
Did you care?
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 1:15 PM UTC