I never told anyone
about the hate that came first that night-
the hate that boiled in your eyes
your chest moving quickly
as you stared down at me through oceans.
I never told anyone
about the hate that I felt
as I stumbled backwards
from hands on my chest.
I never told anyone
about the hate that made my eyes cold
and my voice hot
and my fingertips electric
as I handed back what you had thrown at me
with the force of ten beers
four shots
and your big warm hands.
I never told anyone
about the hate that made my eyes leak
and my brain spin
as I put you to bed,
avoiding bruises
as I tried to take off your shoes.
I never told anyone
about the hate I heard in my voice
when I said the words out loud-
sounds I didn’t recognize.
I never told anyone
about the hate that burned a hole in my chest
right where your head rested
when you woke up scared
in the middle of the night
and pulled me close.
I never told anyone
about the hate that crawled all over my skin
in between me
and
your arms.
May 5, 2015
May 5, 2015 at 2:12 PM UTC