One more year
This is how it’s supposed to go
I should be on track
Right?
Wrong
One more month
Something’s missing
But we can replace it
Right?
Wrong
One more week
The Monday through Friday drag
Two days of rest is enough
Right?
wrong
One more day
It’s just the same thing
So it can't possibly hurt
Right?
Wrong
One more breath
It’s the same air
So there’s no way it’s poisoned
Right?
Wrong
One last second
What’s going wrong?
This should be okay
Right?
Wrong
Crash.
Nov 2, 2010
Nov 2, 2010 at 3:18 PM UTC
They say she was beautiful
And they regret the past tense
In which they speak
They say she was beautiful
And I try to remember
If it’s the truth
They say she was beautiful
That she was beautiful
Until she was no longer anything at all
And now I am here
And I cannot fill her place
For she walked in the sun
And the light burns my skin
And she danced on the wind
But I cannot fly
And she sang to the stars
But I have no voice
For I am just the broken home
In which she used to live
I am nothing but a shell
Empty
Because she is gone
They say she was beautiful
But now she is dead
And I am all that is left
Oct 2, 2010
Oct 2, 2010 at 5:53 AM UTC
Wake up.
Get in the shower.
Barely awake.
Get dressed.
Old jeans, baggy t-shirt.
Eat breakfast.
One piece of bread.
Take pills.
Go to school.
Bell one, history class.
Talk about a million things that’ll never happen to you.
Bell two, math class.
Bend numbers to make them say what we want.
To make them make sense.
Bell three, dress out.
Run track in circles.
Going no where.
Lunch.
Not hungry, don’t eat.
Give away all my food.
Go to the bathroom.
Sit in a stall just to be alone.
Cry.
Fourth bell, English.
Read some of my poetry to the class.
Get funny looks.
Realize that I sound like a freak.
Shuffle back to seat awkwardly.
Go home.
Don’t talk on the bus.
Listen to sad songs.
Text boyfriend.
Tell him how I feel awful.
Worry about him.
Cause he feels awful too.
Blow off homework.
Band practice at church.
Cry when I try to sing.
Where is God?
Come home.
Mom makes me eat.
“You’re wasting away.”
No, mom.
I’m already gone.
Take more pills.
Try to fall asleep.
Lay there.
Wish I wasn’t alone.
Crying optional.
Pray to a god I don’t believe in.
Just hope that he gets better.
Listen to iPod.
To keep the silence away.
Fall asleep, finally.
Wake up an hour later.
Then 2 hours later after that.
Repeat.
Sep 17, 2010
Sep 17, 2010 at 6:45 PM UTC
I am drowning in a sea of nonexistence
For I am fading
but no one can see it
I am empty inside
There is nothing left
All they see is the broken shell
Of the girl I have become
So I put on a smile
And don’t let them see
What’s missing
I don’t let them see
How everything I try to fill my void with
Comes back out as a spray of *****
How my emptiness is stronger than any substance
Stronger than any pill they choose to fill it
I don’t let them see
Anything but my smile
And my lies
I can’t help it
For as they say
All the world’s a stage
No wonder I’m acting
Sep 3, 2010
Sep 3, 2010 at 9:32 AM UTC
I don’t laugh so much as I used to
And I'm begging somebody to see
The brokenness hiding behind my eyes
And the demons that wrestle with me
What I’d give to be telling the truth
When I tell everyone I’m okay
As it is all they can do is sit back
And watch me as I fade
The clock is broken beyond repair
And there’s no stopping it now
And I won’t deny that I'm really scared
I need you to save me somehow
As my sadness leads me to hate myself
And the hatred just makes me more sad
Cause when it comes to life I’ve got everything
When others could carry all that they had
So one last wish I’ve finally made
Watch me as I fade
Aug 28, 2010
Aug 28, 2010 at 3:48 PM UTC
I never had trouble believing in the light
Until darkness filled my eyes
My life’s eternal day was an endless fight
As I stood choking on my lies
My wooden world consumed by the sun the world sent
I rolled around in ashes- the only thing that’s left
The skin over my heart replaced with scar tissue
And I know it’s permanent
To think I never thought his world was wooden too
He’s the phoenix after my fire
And we started to rebuild everything I knew
Left my wounded heart and made my home in his
Clinging to the smile after every single kiss
I don’t know why but then in time
He left his heart in search of mine
40 days and a night with the plans it mars
Until reaching my splinters and lovely scars
Disbelief at the disfigurement he didn’t see
When he rested his spotlight solely on me
He sung his song and spoke the sky
Found in my heart the will to fly
Such the way my story has went
How I found out my scar tissue
Wasn’t permanent
Aug 27, 2010
Aug 27, 2010 at 3:44 AM UTC