alyssa-faye-heckart - Hello Poetry

I have said I’m sorry So many Times So many different Ways That once upon a time my mouth forgot how to make other shapes And I’ve had to work on rebuilding Brick by brick So many times that I fear this red clay Will never leave my nails And I promised that I would better at Anticipating So that I could break the windows of this home before anyone else had a chance to even pick up a stone Once upon a time I made my resolution Under the fireworks And god, I’m T r y i n g And other people aren’t homes But this space is so much more comfortable With a few other souls. I don’t mean to run, But sometimes I just have to go. But, Have a cup of coffee with me sometime, Don’t forget your jacket, I miss you, This made me think of you, Remember that time we danced in the rain? I’ll see you soon, And if you didn’t hear me say it earlier, love you.

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Nov 14, 2017

Nov 14, 2017 at 3:24 PM UTC

Said

I have said I’m sorry So many Times So many different Ways That once upon a time my mouth forgot how to make other shapes And I’ve had to work on rebuilding Brick by brick So many times that I fear this red clay Will never leave my nails And I promised that I would better at Anticipating So that I could break the windows of this home before anyone else had a chance to even pick up a stone Once upon a time I made my resolution Under the fireworks And god, I’m T r y i n g And other people aren’t homes But this space is so much more comfortable With a few other souls. I don’t mean to run, But sometimes I just have to go. But, Have a cup of coffee with me sometime, Don’t forget your jacket, I miss you, This made me think of you, Remember that time we danced in the rain? I’ll see you soon, And if you didn’t hear me say it earlier, love you.

32

There are days when this depression is a Whisper A ghost hiding in the corner That feeling that you just can’t shake but never See That buzz in the back of your Skull a bee’s nest There are days when I say I’m okay and I Mean it And there are days the covers are lined with lead I’ve never been a weightlifter but I know the Feeling of crushed lungs This bed is an ocean and I am out to sea With no anchor Rough water Tossed overboard There are days when this depression is standing On the shore, yelling “You should have learned to swim” But thank the Universe For handing you a life jacket and a map to me. -Alyssa Faye Heckart

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Nov 3, 2017

Nov 3, 2017 at 11:11 PM UTC

There Are Days

There are days when this depression is a Whisper A ghost hiding in the corner That feeling that you just can’t shake but never See That buzz in the back of your Skull a bee’s nest There are days when I say I’m okay and I Mean it And there are days the covers are lined with lead I’ve never been a weightlifter but I know the Feeling of crushed lungs This bed is an ocean and I am out to sea With no anchor Rough water Tossed overboard There are days when this depression is standing On the shore, yelling “You should have learned to swim” But thank the Universe For handing you a life jacket and a map to me. -Alyssa Faye Heckart

23

Lately, there are more nights than not when my body doesn't feel like home my skin just seems like sets of walls that I don't know, and how can I invite someone in when I cant even find the key to unlock the front door? And I know that homes aren't made from other people, and I thought I knew every piece of chipped paint, every section of snagged carpet, but I've found ghosts wandering the halls, and I just need a place to stay for now.

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Jul 13, 2017

Jul 13, 2017 at 2:12 AM UTC

Longing

Lately, there are more nights than not when my body doesn't feel like home my skin just seems like sets of walls that I don't know, and how can I invite someone in when I cant even find the key to unlock the front door? And I know that homes aren't made from other people, and I thought I knew every piece of chipped paint, every section of snagged carpet, but I've found ghosts wandering the halls, and I just need a place to stay for now.

17

I read Harry Potter when I was a little girl, listened closely as my father did all the voices, just right every time, Knew that magic wasn't really real, but knew it felt like it could be, carved a symbol made from story into my forearm as a reminder that magic is what you make of it and home is never as far away as it seems, and I sometimes forgot what faith felt like, wondering how I ever believed that magic could be more than just words printed on a page. Now every time you whisper my name, I am reminded that all magic needs is someone to believe.

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Jul 12, 2017

Jul 12, 2017 at 12:00 AM UTC

Part One

I read Harry Potter when I was a little girl, listened closely as my father did all the voices, just right every time, Knew that magic wasn't really real, but knew it felt like it could be, carved a symbol made from story into my forearm as a reminder that magic is what you make of it and home is never as far away as it seems, and I sometimes forgot what faith felt like, wondering how I ever believed that magic could be more than just words printed on a page. Now every time you whisper my name, I am reminded that all magic needs is someone to believe.

17

I have been so many things. I was crafted from dirt roads and bathed in starry nights. Given hair the color of too much sun. I once surrounded myself with city walls just to see if I was carved from stone, or if my limbs could rival twisted steel. Passed by buildings with far too many windows, just to see if I could spot myself in the glass. I have planted seeds and hoped to see them sprout in hours, just so I could believe I could find myself as fast. I have learned that gardens don't grow in hours, that life can take days weeks or even months to see the sun. And my bones are buried deep. I can only keep reaching towards the light.

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Apr 3, 2017

Apr 3, 2017 at 1:17 AM UTC

Origins

I have been so many things. I was crafted from dirt roads and bathed in starry nights. Given hair the color of too much sun. I once surrounded myself with city walls just to see if I was carved from stone, or if my limbs could rival twisted steel. Passed by buildings with far too many windows, just to see if I could spot myself in the glass. I have planted seeds and hoped to see them sprout in hours, just so I could believe I could find myself as fast. I have learned that gardens don't grow in hours, that life can take days weeks or even months to see the sun. And my bones are buried deep. I can only keep reaching towards the light.

29

From a young age I made myself Hard To handle. Said that I would be impossible To love Because that was Easier Than getting Hurt again. "It will be a challenge To find someone who can H a n d l e Me Because girls like me are H a r d To love". But laying next to You I have never felt so Soft.

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Mar 19, 2017

Mar 19, 2017 at 1:52 AM UTC

Change.

From a young age I made myself Hard To handle. Said that I would be impossible To love Because that was Easier Than getting Hurt again. "It will be a challenge To find someone who can H a n d l e Me Because girls like me are H a r d To love". But laying next to You I have never felt so Soft.

21

I have never, In my whole Life, Needed anyone. By as we lay here, Tracing lazy circles on each other's skin, I can think of so many other things I've been Wrong about.

0

Mar 4, 2017

Mar 4, 2017 at 6:24 PM UTC

So maybe.

I have never, In my whole Life, Needed anyone. By as we lay here, Tracing lazy circles on each other's skin, I can think of so many other things I've been Wrong about.

8

And sometimes, It is all I can do To just be. To just breathe. I am not always Sunshine and "Well look who it is?" Some days I am just "Sorry" and "I'm trying my best". Some days I am sugar and cream in my coffee, And some days I am Full to the brim Cup after cup of sorrow and "No, I'm just tired". No, I'm just tired. No, I'm just tired.

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Jan 31, 2017

Jan 31, 2017 at 12:45 AM UTC

Premature.

And sometimes, It is all I can do To just be. To just breathe. I am not always Sunshine and "Well look who it is?" Some days I am just "Sorry" and "I'm trying my best". Some days I am sugar and cream in my coffee, And some days I am Full to the brim Cup after cup of sorrow and "No, I'm just tired". No, I'm just tired. No, I'm just tired.

17

And maybe I was born With this feeling at home in my bones. This weight This constant thought That I am not Enough. Or maybe it's a Poison. Trapped in my veins from the first time I was Bitten By words far sharper than my Thick skin Could handle. So I am stuck. Between the notion that I am a forest Rooted in sorrow Or a Patient Waiting for exsanguination So that the poison is pushed out And I can begin to Flow Again.

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Oct 27, 2016

Oct 27, 2016 at 12:34 AM UTC

Ebb.

And maybe I was born With this feeling at home in my bones. This weight This constant thought That I am not Enough. Or maybe it's a Poison. Trapped in my veins from the first time I was Bitten By words far sharper than my Thick skin Could handle. So I am stuck. Between the notion that I am a forest Rooted in sorrow Or a Patient Waiting for exsanguination So that the poison is pushed out And I can begin to Flow Again.

23

One day, it will happen. Love will open the door and walk into your life. Silent, unannounced. Like a house guest you didn't know was coming. At first, Love may be quiet, Speaking only in questions, learning about you. It will ask that you let it in, give it the key to the gate you have built around your scarred heart. And you will refuse. And Love will not push. Instead, Love will pull. Prying fears from your mind, and taking tears from your eyes. And Love will replace them with stars it has carried in its pocket since the moment it first learned you existed. "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Love may not show up when you expect. Where you expect. Love may not be as you have always pictured. It will find you when you least expect it. In a coffee shop, On the way home. In the smile of a stranger that you swear you've seen before. Love will meet you exactly where you are meant to be. And you will recognize Love, and you will remember Love, for part of your soul was placed in Love's heart when it was first given breath. Love will find you where you are. And you will feel the whole world change.

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May 1, 2016

May 1, 2016 at 10:21 AM UTC

For You, For Love

One day, it will happen. Love will open the door and walk into your life. Silent, unannounced. Like a house guest you didn't know was coming. At first, Love may be quiet, Speaking only in questions, learning about you. It will ask that you let it in, give it the key to the gate you have built around your scarred heart. And you will refuse. And Love will not push. Instead, Love will pull. Prying fears from your mind, and taking tears from your eyes. And Love will replace them with stars it has carried in its pocket since the moment it first learned you existed. "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Love may not show up when you expect. Where you expect. Love may not be as you have always pictured. It will find you when you least expect it. In a coffee shop, On the way home. In the smile of a stranger that you swear you've seen before. Love will meet you exactly where you are meant to be. And you will recognize Love, and you will remember Love, for part of your soul was placed in Love's heart when it was first given breath. Love will find you where you are. And you will feel the whole world change.

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