I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 2:53 PM UTC
"I know it is weak of me to give up, I didn't want to; but its like drowning.
Nobody wishes to die, alone in a cold dark room. But there is only so long they can keep their head above the waves until they realize that no one is coming to save them, and they are never going to find their way back to shore. Sooner or later, the body gives up, it can't endure anymore. Maybe it could fight to suffer one or two moons, but for what point? The ending is the same. Its not that death suddenly becomes an attractive thought, Its just the notion of living is so much uglier.
I used to feel like i was drowning, ........... so i stopped trying to swim."
Mar 25, 2015
Mar 25, 2015 at 9:33 PM UTC
And then I found out how hard it is to really change.
Even hell can get comfy once you've settled in.
I just wanted the lonely inside me to leave.
No matter how ****** you get,
there's always hell when you come back down.
The funny thing is, all I ever wanted I already had.
There's glimpses of heaven in every day.
In the friends I have, the music I make, the love that I feel.
I just had to start again.
Mar 25, 2015
Mar 25, 2015 at 9:18 PM UTC
The monster in me is never satisfied, it constantly is tearing me apart and there is nothing I can do; except of course keep ingesting the sickness that has already spread throughout my soul. I will forever need a substance to stay alive. Sobriety leads to these deafening screams in the pit of my stomach, this vice silences the screams, at least for a little while.
Mar 25, 2015
Mar 25, 2015 at 9:08 PM UTC