he tells me to **** my fears
i try, i try my best to **** them
i lean over them in the darkness of the night
thinking to stab them
with the sharpest of the knives
i hold it tightly in my hand
i expect them to put up a fight
but they don't, they do nothing at all
and i realize that i cannot **** them
i cannot **** something that has been
a part of me since the beginning
so i pull up the trunk from under the bed
and lock them away and tell them to be quite.
he tells me again to **** all my fears
i tell him they are dead, yes i lie
he buys it easily and i secretly smile
i hate my fears yet they feel like the only thing
that is truly mine.
Oct 18, 2015
Oct 18, 2015 at 4:12 PM UTC
I wish I could tear my skin away to show you the scars unseen.
So you could see how my hearts been beaten and battered,
Stomped, forgotten,
And worst of all,
ripped apart.
If you could see the story of my heart,
Yours would cry for mine.
But this thick skin doesn't open up easily,
Or for just anyone.
It protects so that my heart sustains no more injuries or pain.
Aug 16, 2015
Aug 16, 2015 at 4:45 PM UTC
I remember
The first time
When I was ten
I learned about
Depression
Anxiety
Self harm
Anorexia
Suicide
I remember
Thinking
Why would
Anyone do this
To themselves
It's so
Dumb
And three years
Later
I am
In the shower
Contemplating
My
Life
May 2, 2015
May 2, 2015 at 10:33 PM UTC
There's a thin line keeping my sanity together.
Over the years, it didn't break;
It didn't rust.
It remained intact for my own purposes.
And then all of a sudden, a piece of metal broke through it.
Its cold surface mocked me;
belittled me.
A reminder that even a thin piece of thread,
bound to surpass ages,
had a weakness.
A blade can cut through everything when it pleases.
And it cut through me,
slicing my personality in two,
dividing my soul in half.
The good and the bad,
separating itself from my body,
unable to be whole,
ever again.
May 2, 2015
May 2, 2015 at 10:32 PM UTC
When I was little, like all kids
I was afraid of the monster that
Lived under the bed.
Now that I am older
I am still afraid of monsters,
But now they don’t live under the bed.
My monster live in me.
Me who feeds the beast
Who screams at two in the morning.
Humans don’t make good cages,
Our bones are just too weak
To hold up against this burden.
I know because most days, when dawn
Awakes to kiss the horizon,
I am still at war to keep the beast within.
So when people ask me about the scars,
The ones that litter my wrist, my thighs, my back,
What am I suppose to say, but casualties of war.
Because this is the greatest battle
I have ever known:
The Battle of Monster in my Head.
May 2, 2015
May 2, 2015 at 10:29 PM UTC
A self destructive terrorist an anti social embarrassment
not one to sport a bomber vest but the first to volunteer to jump off a cliff not wanting to please god up above just pleading to end his own life due to lack of love this isn't a terrorist in the sense of harmful to others he only harms himself when he can escape the company of others surrounded by many yet he is alone could never harm a fly but he'll wage war on himself he'll draw plans on his wrist with the razors of bliss and drop bombs of pills into the abyss no children will die no mothers will cry just another heart failure in the works the city will stand and the man will fall he has finally won the war as he breathes his last breath he was just a normal man not a killer he's not the only one the self destructive terrorist he hides in everyone
May 2, 2015
May 2, 2015 at 10:26 PM UTC
I can feel the changes...
all around me.
Subtle in some,
drastic in others
...but none are left untouched.
I am kicking and screaming,
attempting to hold on to
... ghosts...
of those that once were
my foundation.
Even the closest...
Have unfamiliar sides emerging.
How silly of me....
to refuse to move too.
How arrogant,
to believe
that I would not be left behind
or made a fool
by holding on...
I am uncomfortable...
floating randomly...,
with no purpose...,
no destination...,
no sense of "home"
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 3:03 PM UTC
i used to think
that words
are the easiest to deliver
i could say i love you
without even knowing why
i could say the truth
without even thinking if it really is
now all of it is as difficult
as I was to believe in fairy tale
now all i could think about
is how will i ever say those words
without affecting the world
without hurting someone
without doubting myself
I remained silent
and those words i wanted to say
left unspoken- shallow
i used to think
that words
are the easiest to deliver
now they're far beyond my reach
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 3:01 PM UTC
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 2:53 PM UTC