ali - Hello Poetry

Have you ever questioned your attachment to the unattainable? Why do we always want what we cannot have? Desire those who do not requite? So many bodies of water and I chose the one that travelled at altitudes above my reach. It was the rain that told me the change was coming. After all you always altered as the seasons did. And a girl who has live through the seasons, surely knows that they never last. Must melt into the other no matter how stubborn the wind. But I never saw this one coming. Maybe I did, maybe I ignored the chinooks Let them slip past my peripheral. Turned away from the horizon, compelling myself to let the sound of the raindrops ease my paranoia... If I could, I would go back to before the water started falling. I would accept the cold. No: I love you. No: It’s going to be okay. No: Trust me. Still the rain came. You covered the erratic land of my mind, There was a bit of you in every part of me. A touch here, Another there. Water seeped through fences, Saturated the soil, lending temporary anticipation to the life hidden there. You did not care that you saw the approach of the sun before I, For you, it was easier to let me believe in a happy ending. You continued to fall; All the while your love was sinking into the storm drain that is your indecision. I asked you about the sun, And you laughed Fell softly in reassurance. Knew I was foolish enough to believe that the rain would stay. It was the rain that told me the change was coming. After all, the sun had always commanded your path And a girl who has experienced the drought before surely knows to avoid direct exposure. But feet tire from travel, weaken from weight of empty palms, that used to be filled of untroubled optimism. I could not follow the nimbus anymore I asked for a goodbye, But it was just gone. I saw the sun as it rose. Felt its blistering heat. Sensed the water fade as it moved from the east to the west. Taking everything that I was promised I could keep. Life shriveled, parched and hopeless. Searching for the source that gave it it's name. I guess I should have realized your capacity for deception When I told you spring was my favourite season, And I saw the umbrella in your hand.

0

May 11, 2014

May 11, 2014 at 1:45 PM UTC

spring one year ago

Have you ever questioned your attachment to the unattainable? Why do we always want what we cannot have? Desire those who do not requite? So many bodies of water and I chose the one that travelled at altitudes above my reach. It was the rain that told me the change was coming. After all you always altered as the seasons did. And a girl who has live through the seasons, surely knows that they never last. Must melt into the other no matter how stubborn the wind. But I never saw this one coming. Maybe I did, maybe I ignored the chinooks Let them slip past my peripheral. Turned away from the horizon, compelling myself to let the sound of the raindrops ease my paranoia... If I could, I would go back to before the water started falling. I would accept the cold. No: I love you. No: It’s going to be okay. No: Trust me. Still the rain came. You covered the erratic land of my mind, There was a bit of you in every part of me. A touch here, Another there. Water seeped through fences, Saturated the soil, lending temporary anticipation to the life hidden there. You did not care that you saw the approach of the sun before I, For you, it was easier to let me believe in a happy ending. You continued to fall; All the while your love was sinking into the storm drain that is your indecision. I asked you about the sun, And you laughed Fell softly in reassurance. Knew I was foolish enough to believe that the rain would stay. It was the rain that told me the change was coming. After all, the sun had always commanded your path And a girl who has experienced the drought before surely knows to avoid direct exposure. But feet tire from travel, weaken from weight of empty palms, that used to be filled of untroubled optimism. I could not follow the nimbus anymore I asked for a goodbye, But it was just gone. I saw the sun as it rose. Felt its blistering heat. Sensed the water fade as it moved from the east to the west. Taking everything that I was promised I could keep. Life shriveled, parched and hopeless. Searching for the source that gave it it's name. I guess I should have realized your capacity for deception When I told you spring was my favourite season, And I saw the umbrella in your hand.

47

It was the rain that told me the change was coming. After all you always altered as the seasons did. If I could, I would go back to before the water started falling. I would accept the cold. No: I love you. No: It’s going to be okay. No: Trust me. Still the rain came. You covered the erratic land of my mind, There was a bit of you in every part of me. A touch here, Another there. Until there was nothing left. You did not care that you saw the approach of the sun before I, For you, it was easier to let me believe in a happy ending. You continued to fall; All the while your love was sinking into the storm drain that is your indecision. I asked you about the sun, And you laughed Fell softly in reassurance. Knew I was foolish enough to believe that the rain would stay. It was the rain that told me the change was coming. I asked for a goodbye, But it was just gone. I saw the sun as it rose. Felt its blistering heat. Sensed the water fade as it moved from the east to the west. Taking everything that I was promised I could keep. I guess I should have realized your capacity for deception When I told you spring was my favourite season, And I saw the umbrella in your hand.

0

Apr 10, 2014

Apr 10, 2014 at 7:50 PM UTC

spring one year ago (draft)

It was the rain that told me the change was coming. After all you always altered as the seasons did. If I could, I would go back to before the water started falling. I would accept the cold. No: I love you. No: It’s going to be okay. No: Trust me. Still the rain came. You covered the erratic land of my mind, There was a bit of you in every part of me. A touch here, Another there. Until there was nothing left. You did not care that you saw the approach of the sun before I, For you, it was easier to let me believe in a happy ending. You continued to fall; All the while your love was sinking into the storm drain that is your indecision. I asked you about the sun, And you laughed Fell softly in reassurance. Knew I was foolish enough to believe that the rain would stay. It was the rain that told me the change was coming. I asked for a goodbye, But it was just gone. I saw the sun as it rose. Felt its blistering heat. Sensed the water fade as it moved from the east to the west. Taking everything that I was promised I could keep. I guess I should have realized your capacity for deception When I told you spring was my favourite season, And I saw the umbrella in your hand.

31

Brush it off Let it fall Forget the past But maybe not all Reminisce About the days When things used to work In my way In my favor In this moment I am my Only opponent Ruining my self My mental health Only my fault No one else Why do I Tend to overthink I’m going too far On the brink I’ve been through much Seen too much Pushing forward With no luck Time to let it Be, and set it Free, So I can See. And so I’ll Take a breath Let it all go Relieve the stress And watch it fall slow.

0

Mar 16, 2014

Mar 16, 2014 at 11:31 PM UTC

4/16

Brush it off Let it fall Forget the past But maybe not all Reminisce About the days When things used to work In my way In my favor In this moment I am my Only opponent Ruining my self My mental health Only my fault No one else Why do I Tend to overthink I’m going too far On the brink I’ve been through much Seen too much Pushing forward With no luck Time to let it Be, and set it Free, So I can See. And so I’ll Take a breath Let it all go Relieve the stress And watch it fall slow.

32

I have lost all hope. Maybe I've been expecting a little too much from people. I tend to do that sometimes. I am learning how to take care of myself, but I've never been the type of girl who could handle everything. Sometimes I pretend that I am her. A girl who writes inspiration and sees open doors. People want to hear what she has to say. She is important. She has seen excitement and avoided heartbreak. She has not been let go by people she cared for. She is strong and does not cry over spilt milk or lost trust. She is not me. Sometimes I forget that I've lost hope. So to remind myself I get close to people. Let them paint murals of friendship on the acidic walls of my love only to have them wash away when the storm hits. I do not agree with the quote about the past. My past has defined all that I am. It has shaped me and turned me into the person I am today. Though difficult to say sometimes I'm not sure it's the person I want to see when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I'm thankful for my forgetful mind. Even when ties are severed they leave behind structures made of stories and memories— Canvases to be painted on by the new people to come. It's only in these times, when I see the ends ending and the beginnings beginning, that I realize I am the same girl I've always been.

0

Mar 12, 2014

Mar 12, 2014 at 10:40 AM UTC

3/12

I have lost all hope. Maybe I've been expecting a little too much from people. I tend to do that sometimes. I am learning how to take care of myself, but I've never been the type of girl who could handle everything. Sometimes I pretend that I am her. A girl who writes inspiration and sees open doors. People want to hear what she has to say. She is important. She has seen excitement and avoided heartbreak. She has not been let go by people she cared for. She is strong and does not cry over spilt milk or lost trust. She is not me. Sometimes I forget that I've lost hope. So to remind myself I get close to people. Let them paint murals of friendship on the acidic walls of my love only to have them wash away when the storm hits. I do not agree with the quote about the past. My past has defined all that I am. It has shaped me and turned me into the person I am today. Though difficult to say sometimes I'm not sure it's the person I want to see when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I'm thankful for my forgetful mind. Even when ties are severed they leave behind structures made of stories and memories— Canvases to be painted on by the new people to come. It's only in these times, when I see the ends ending and the beginnings beginning, that I realize I am the same girl I've always been.

20

I am not that girl, My cuts and bruises are what make me who I am Their healing process has marked the strength I have fought to build But sometimes I wish that I was that girl The girl who someone wants to love The girl who’s someone loves them enough to allow them to stop taking care of themselves and takes care of them instead I’m so tired of being strong I’m so tired of being told I am weak because of my desires I just want to reach the next part of my life Where I realize that all the hurt was worth it To get to a point of peace I just want to be Take away all the baggage Just let me be.

0

Feb 25, 2014

Feb 25, 2014 at 7:31 PM UTC

me

I am not that girl, My cuts and bruises are what make me who I am Their healing process has marked the strength I have fought to build But sometimes I wish that I was that girl The girl who someone wants to love The girl who’s someone loves them enough to allow them to stop taking care of themselves and takes care of them instead I’m so tired of being strong I’m so tired of being told I am weak because of my desires I just want to reach the next part of my life Where I realize that all the hurt was worth it To get to a point of peace I just want to be Take away all the baggage Just let me be.

14

You want to be the one they choose Want to be the one they look to To be they one they cherish Be the one who makes them better The one who they hold at night when they think about all the things they want And realize that it's you You want to be... The. One.

0

Jan 26, 2014

Jan 26, 2014 at 8:06 PM UTC

what you want

You want to be the one they choose Want to be the one they look to To be they one they cherish Be the one who makes them better The one who they hold at night when they think about all the things they want And realize that it's you You want to be... The. One.

7

to my thirteen year old self do not worry they did not mean what they said that one time when they were mad and told you that you were not loved to my thirteen year old self do not cry he is not the most important thing and you deserve to be treated much better than the way they treat you to my thirteen year old self don't lose focus you have so much more to work for you are better than everything you tell yourself to my thirteen year old self pick yourself up you are not low you are not bad you are not worth nothing you are worth so much more to my thirteen year old self put the bottle down trust me the pain will get much worse and you are going to be much stronger than you'll ever believe to my thirteen year old self breathe tomorrow is another day and you are getting better with each passing one. just breathe.

0

Dec 10, 2013

Dec 10, 2013 at 10:09 PM UTC

to my thirteen year old self

to my thirteen year old self do not worry they did not mean what they said that one time when they were mad and told you that you were not loved to my thirteen year old self do not cry he is not the most important thing and you deserve to be treated much better than the way they treat you to my thirteen year old self don't lose focus you have so much more to work for you are better than everything you tell yourself to my thirteen year old self pick yourself up you are not low you are not bad you are not worth nothing you are worth so much more to my thirteen year old self put the bottle down trust me the pain will get much worse and you are going to be much stronger than you'll ever believe to my thirteen year old self breathe tomorrow is another day and you are getting better with each passing one. just breathe.

18

I used to sit quiet never finding the ability to defend myself My voice was an empty box that was always searching for the words to say But lacking what it took to say them they called me weak then I found my courage the only thing I could do was speak up I refused to be treated like I wasn’t important anymore They called me angry They broke me Picked, and criticized till I didn't need them to do it for me anymore I spread out the outline of my mind and erased every self-loving part left they called me emotional I hurt for I was aware of the presence of my flaws and emotional dilemmas It was impossible to imagine that anyone was on my side when even I wasn’t They called me sensitive My tears fell easily My walls had been beat so weak that even with all the strength that I could imagine they still hold none The paint cracked and chipped at the corners of my heart, revealing the hollowness underneath They called me dramatic I will sit quiet and they will not call me weak They will find no strength imaginary or real left Every flaw analyzed Every action criticized they will be satisfied for they have stripped me of everything I will call myself nothing

0

Oct 10, 2013

Oct 10, 2013 at 7:49 PM UTC

nothing

I used to sit quiet never finding the ability to defend myself My voice was an empty box that was always searching for the words to say But lacking what it took to say them they called me weak then I found my courage the only thing I could do was speak up I refused to be treated like I wasn’t important anymore They called me angry They broke me Picked, and criticized till I didn't need them to do it for me anymore I spread out the outline of my mind and erased every self-loving part left they called me emotional I hurt for I was aware of the presence of my flaws and emotional dilemmas It was impossible to imagine that anyone was on my side when even I wasn’t They called me sensitive My tears fell easily My walls had been beat so weak that even with all the strength that I could imagine they still hold none The paint cracked and chipped at the corners of my heart, revealing the hollowness underneath They called me dramatic I will sit quiet and they will not call me weak They will find no strength imaginary or real left Every flaw analyzed Every action criticized they will be satisfied for they have stripped me of everything I will call myself nothing

28

I kissed your hand once, Held it against my chest, And whispered "mine" Instead of leaving the word Imprinted in your skin, I tattood it on my lips Because even now When the word seems To no longer be true I whisper it over and over Hoping it may one day Hold meaning again

0

May 17, 2013

May 17, 2013 at 12:04 AM UTC

mine

I kissed your hand once, Held it against my chest, And whispered "mine" Instead of leaving the word Imprinted in your skin, I tattood it on my lips Because even now When the word seems To no longer be true I whisper it over and over Hoping it may one day Hold meaning again

12

She used to smile and laugh And you would smile back And say I'm glad I can do that And now she cries So you put your head down And pretend that You don't see the damage But one day she'll smile again And you will turn away And ask yourself Why did I let her go?

0

May 9, 2013

May 9, 2013 at 8:56 PM UTC

then, now, soon

She used to smile and laugh And you would smile back And say I'm glad I can do that And now she cries So you put your head down And pretend that You don't see the damage But one day she'll smile again And you will turn away And ask yourself Why did I let her go?

12