Have you ever questioned your attachment to the unattainable?
Why do we always want what we cannot have?
Desire those who do not requite?
So many bodies of water and I chose the one that travelled at altitudes above my reach.
It was the rain that told me the change was coming.
After all you always altered as the seasons did.
And a girl who has live through the seasons, surely knows that they never last.
Must melt into the other no matter how stubborn the wind.
But I never saw this one coming.
Maybe I did, maybe I ignored the chinooks
Let them slip past my peripheral.
Turned away from the horizon, compelling myself to let the sound of the raindrops ease my paranoia...
If I could, I would go back to before the water started falling.
I would accept the cold.
No: I love you.
No: It’s going to be okay.
No: Trust me.
Still the rain came.
You covered the erratic land of my mind,
There was a bit of you in every part of me.
A touch here,
Another there.
Water seeped through fences,
Saturated the soil, lending temporary anticipation to the life hidden there.
You did not care that you saw the approach of the sun before I,
For you, it was easier to let me believe in a happy ending.
You continued to fall;
All the while your love was sinking into the storm drain that is your indecision.
I asked you about the sun,
And you laughed
Fell softly in reassurance.
Knew I was foolish enough to believe that the rain would stay.
It was the rain that told me the change was coming.
After all, the sun had always commanded your path
And a girl who has experienced the drought before surely knows to avoid direct exposure.
But feet tire from travel, weaken from weight of empty palms, that used to be filled of untroubled optimism.
I could not follow the nimbus anymore
I asked for a goodbye,
But it was just gone.
I saw the sun as it rose.
Felt its blistering heat.
Sensed the water fade as it moved from the east to the west.
Taking everything that I was promised I could keep.
Life shriveled, parched and hopeless. Searching for the source that gave it it's name.
I guess I should have realized your capacity for deception
When I told you spring was my favourite season,
And I saw the umbrella in your hand.
May 11, 2014
May 11, 2014 at 1:45 PM UTC
Put me on your assembly-line.
Manufacture me limb by limb.
Make me transparent to all of the pain I used to know,
love me like the back-beat to your favorite songs,
let your passion move me,
and I will
do the
same.
Apr 11, 2014
Apr 11, 2014 at 11:19 AM UTC
Sometimes I believe that I am crazy.
Not crazy in love, or crazy smart.
But downright, medication provoking insanity.
Questioning myself, back and forth.
There are two of me.
She smiles and does what she is told.
I break out of my close entrapment and let her see the real world.
The world that has no answers,
the world that has such strict boundaries on what is "normal."
What is normal?
They say that I can still be like them.
They say that medication will take me away,
and leave her by herself.
She is the real crazy one: the complacent conformist.
And so she smiles and keeps our mouth closed.
Apr 11, 2014
Apr 11, 2014 at 11:16 AM UTC
It was the rain that told me the change was coming.
After all you always altered as the seasons did.
If I could, I would go back to before the water started falling.
I would accept the cold.
No: I love you.
No: It’s going to be okay.
No: Trust me.
Still the rain came.
You covered the erratic land of my mind,
There was a bit of you in every part of me.
A touch here,
Another there.
Until there was nothing left.
You did not care that you saw the approach of the sun before I,
For you, it was easier to let me believe in a happy ending.
You continued to fall;
All the while your love was sinking into the storm drain that is your indecision.
I asked you about the sun,
And you laughed
Fell softly in reassurance.
Knew I was foolish enough to believe that the rain would stay.
It was the rain that told me the change was coming.
I asked for a goodbye,
But it was just gone.
I saw the sun as it rose.
Felt its blistering heat.
Sensed the water fade as it moved from the east to the west.
Taking everything that I was promised I could keep.
I guess I should have realized your capacity for deception
When I told you spring was my favourite season,
And I saw the umbrella in your hand.
Apr 10, 2014
Apr 10, 2014 at 7:50 PM UTC
Brush it off
Let it fall
Forget the past
But maybe not all
Reminisce
About the days
When things used to work
In my way
In my favor
In this moment
I am my
Only opponent
Ruining my self
My mental health
Only my fault
No one else
Why do I
Tend to overthink
I’m going too far
On the brink
I’ve been through much
Seen too much
Pushing forward
With no luck
Time to let it
Be, and set it
Free, So I can
See. And so I’ll
Take a breath
Let it all go
Relieve the stress
And watch it fall slow.
Mar 16, 2014
Mar 16, 2014 at 11:31 PM UTC
I have lost all hope.
Maybe I've been expecting a little too much from people.
I tend to do that sometimes.
I am learning how to take care of myself, but I've never been the type of girl who could handle everything.
Sometimes I pretend that I am her. A girl who writes inspiration and sees open doors.
People want to hear what she has to say.
She is important.
She has seen excitement and avoided heartbreak.
She has not been let go by people she cared for.
She is strong and does not cry over spilt milk or lost trust.
She is not me.
Sometimes I forget that I've lost hope. So to remind myself I get close to people. Let them paint murals of friendship on the acidic walls of my love only to have them wash away when the storm hits.
I do not agree with the quote about the past.
My past has defined all that I am.
It has shaped me and turned me into the person I am today.
Though difficult to say sometimes I'm not sure it's the person I want to see when I look in the mirror.
Sometimes I'm thankful for my forgetful mind.
Even when ties are severed they leave behind structures made of stories and memories—
Canvases to be painted on by the new people to come.
It's only in these times, when I see the ends ending and the beginnings beginning, that I realize I am the same girl I've always been.
Mar 12, 2014
Mar 12, 2014 at 10:40 AM UTC
I am not that girl,
My cuts and bruises are what make me who I am
Their healing process has marked the strength I have fought to build
But sometimes I wish that I was that girl
The girl who someone wants to love
The girl who’s someone loves them enough to allow them to stop taking care of themselves and takes care of them instead
I’m so tired of being strong
I’m so tired of being told I am weak because of my desires
I just want to reach the next part of my life
Where I realize that all the hurt was worth it
To get to a point of peace
I just want to be
Take away all the baggage
Just let me be.
Feb 25, 2014
Feb 25, 2014 at 7:31 PM UTC
You want to be the one they choose
Want to be the one they look to
To be they one they cherish
Be the one who makes them better
The one who they hold at night when they think about all the things they want
And realize that it's you
You want to be... The. One.
Jan 26, 2014
Jan 26, 2014 at 8:06 PM UTC
to my thirteen year old self
do not worry
they did not mean what they said that one time when they were mad and told you that you were not loved
to my thirteen year old self
do not cry
he is not the most important thing and you deserve to be treated much better than the way they treat you
to my thirteen year old self
don't lose focus
you have so much more to work for you are better than everything you tell yourself
to my thirteen year old self
pick yourself up
you are not low you are not bad you are not worth nothing you are worth so much more
to my thirteen year old self
put the bottle down
trust me the pain will get much worse and you are going to be much stronger than you'll ever believe
to my thirteen year old self
breathe
tomorrow is another day and you are getting better with each passing one. just breathe.
Dec 10, 2013
Dec 10, 2013 at 10:09 PM UTC
I used to sit quiet
never finding the ability to defend myself
My voice was an empty box that was always searching for the words to say
But lacking what it took to say them
they called me weak
then I found my courage
the only thing I could do was speak up
I refused to be treated like I wasn’t important anymore
They called me angry
They broke me
Picked, and criticized till I didn't need them to do it for me anymore
I spread out the outline of my mind and erased every self-loving part left
they called me emotional
I hurt
for I was aware of the presence of my flaws and emotional dilemmas
It was impossible to imagine that anyone was on my side when even I wasn’t
They called me sensitive
My tears fell easily
My walls had been beat so weak that even with all the strength that I could imagine they still hold none
The paint cracked and chipped at the corners of my heart, revealing the hollowness underneath
They called me dramatic
I will sit quiet
and they will not call me weak
They will find no strength imaginary or real left
Every flaw analyzed
Every action criticized
they will be satisfied for they have stripped me of everything
I will call myself nothing
Oct 10, 2013
Oct 10, 2013 at 7:49 PM UTC