The first time it hit me that I was in love with you I was drunk and a little tired. I think I might've told you 10 times in a row that I did love you. But I love our love and the way we love each other. Like when you come over and I do that annoying thing when I'm still getting ready and its boring for a while but you still tell me I'm beautiful when I'm done
Or like when the first time you spent the night and I already had a contact case and solution waiting for you before we went to sleep.
And how you still let me put on my loud 90s r&b; and get my favorite song stuck in your head even tho you dont like it
and hating how jealous you are but want me all to yourself
and feeling a little weird when we're not together.. little love sick might be coming down with the flu
and i wanna write you notes all the time and leave them in your backpack and all over your room and probably run out of ink because itll be too much
and spending hours on the phone not saying anything
and spending those one month anniversaries together even tho they aint really anniversarys
and how sometimes i st st stutter trying to tell you i love you
and sometimes i wonder if i got hit by a car and lost my memory would we fall in love all over again and would it still feel the same
this is the love I want but i have a boyfriend so I'll share this love with him
Jan 29, 2016
Jan 29, 2016 at 3:27 PM UTC
I once heard someone say not to make homes out of people.
I couldn't quite grasp the idea of what that had meant until I planted seeds of myself in skin that wasn't mine and in a body I didn't own.
I slowly started to see the roots forming around your ribcage, all the way through to your smile and the lines on your hands.
When I was with you I could see the flowers sprouting out through your mouth exploding into more with each laugh. And when you'd kiss me I'd feel the roots in my soil growing stronger.
You were the most iridescent flower I had ever made a home of.
Jan 29, 2016
Jan 29, 2016 at 2:32 PM UTC
It was a rainy day outside, I was in sixth grade and going to this cafe every morning had become a routine since I moved in with you. It didn't last very long, but I cherished those moments with you in that cafe. It wasn't a surprise, I had kept any moments such as this close to my heart. Thats the truth, dishonestly I lied and said I didn't care about your absence in my life. I missed you but, I'd never say it out loud. I wanted to tell you my secrets. I wanted to tell you every play, running meet, job and phase you've missed since I'd last seen you. How many haircuts do you think I've had since we'd last been face to face? Did you get my prom pictures? Did you hear about the trip we're supposed to take up there? You know my hair is curly like yours right? Often times family members tell me I look like you and I do this thing where I rub my tummy and tia sally told me I got that from you. Sometimes when I've had a long day I go home and read your letters in hope that I find some clarity. It only ever makes me feel nostalgic and reminisce times when I still had my grandmother in my life. The sun shining down on my face while I'm sitting on a blanket outside playing with my toys. It reminds me of my mom spending every last penny of her savings on the funeral. Transitioning from my childhood and entering adulthood at a much too young age. Witnessing the changed from people who were seemingly what I thought were average turn into irrational and odd humans. Everything was altering so quickly and rapidly. We do the best we can. I'm not angry anymore, I dont hate you. I'm glad you're still alive so we can revisit Rosie's.
Jan 26, 2016
Jan 26, 2016 at 9:38 PM UTC
*i wanted it to be you
i still want it to be you
but it never will be*
Sep 14, 2015
Sep 14, 2015 at 7:58 PM UTC
Eberyday i get up
Brush my teeth
Get dressed
Have breakfast
Go to work
And hope to overtake your heart with a tiny little blink of the eye or a touch of my fingertips to your shoulder.
Everyday.
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 12:57 PM UTC
I don't miss your stupid Jetta.
I don't miss your green eyes.
I don't miss you ignoring me and making me feel small. I definitely do not miss the broken promises and the way you lost interest so fast but, mostly I can honestly say, for the first time in weeks, I really don't miss you.
I used to hope for you to come back but, do me a favor and please don't.
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 12:43 PM UTC
I always said that I could never fall for someone in one night
But that night I fell for you
Your wide brown eyes
And your mouse brown hair
Softened something within me
Sadly,
You wish I was older
And I wish you were younger
Then we could have fallen deeper
Into each other
The way we want to
To feel a love so pure
It would be impossible to ask for more
But now we have parted ways
Never to cross paths again
Still I think about that kiss
And the butterflies that fluttered within the cavities of my body when you held me
But age isn't just a number
It comes between
I wish it didn't
But it does
Sep 8, 2015
Sep 8, 2015 at 2:29 AM UTC
you are eighteen and you're in love
with a boy who hates his birthday.
you don't know it yet,
but the world gets so much bigger than the back of his car.
you think he needs you to be happy and so does he
but both of you are wrong.
it'll take you almost a year to stop crying.
and then you don't talk for another three
and when you finally do,
he thinks he still knows you,
but your heart is heavier than it was then.
and you **** him because you're lonely
but it isn't the same.
neither of you can fake love.
at least he still makes you laugh.
you'll pretend it's enough
because at least he's a body.
at least you're not by yourself.
at least you're alive
and you're good at *******
because bodies are distractions
from the things we hide inside them.
you have him inside you
and he wants to gut you of your ugly, your sad.
he scrambles for an excuse not to stay the night
and you laugh.
you know what this is and how it goes
and you both love someone else.
you swear you won't **** him again
but you do anyway because you're still lonely
and you like the way his hands fit around your neck.
you **** him because it's good for your art
and you get bored of your own hands on your body
and you're fine with letting him feel useful.
and you think about when you were sixteen
and how *** was supposed to be special
and it makes you cry
because you're not who you wanted to be.
it makes you cry, because the world got so much bigger
after you left the backseat of his car.
the world is so big and you don't know
how it ended up on your shoulders.
you would have died for him.
you have been ready to die for every person you have ever loved.
you have dreams where he dies
and you can't save him.
you have dreams where people die
and you can't save them
and you're the one who tied your hands.
your mangled heart and all its bleeding.
nobody asked you to die.
what good is all the love in your chest
if you don't leave any for yourself?
- m.f.
Sep 8, 2015
Sep 8, 2015 at 1:57 AM UTC