You were both hell and heaven
Fire arose within
Every word you said, every breath taken
was passion
and heat
Like the kind we shared between the sheets.
But there was hurt in your eyes
You couldn’t imagine being a sinner
Every night,
You lay by my side
I told you I was no good.
You told them “there’s nothing I wouldn’t give her.”
For a second I thought I was being saved.
It felt religious believing with you
Courageous game, but we still played.
It was a dangerous world for us fools
Every piece of you was lost in a prayer.
My love for you was The Enemy.
And, my love, He was cruel.
Tears streamed down when I speak,
with my palms together,
I knelt down and repeat;
This man is a soul
I am nothing but a body
Never met a god
This life has been sold,
Never to what I thought.
I’ve lied in bed with what scares me most!
I have sinned, I have sinned!
But please, hear me out, first—
with a benevolent grin
He took me in—
Don’t forgive me, father
I’m a sin.
Apr 5, 2018
Apr 5, 2018 at 12:45 AM UTC
All I know is that, I never want to one day look back and think, "once upon a time," about you
Because I want you to be my "happily ever after."
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 1:29 AM UTC
She said, I love you, sometimes
I hate when you cry
Never have I met a man
Who wanted so badly to die.
I told her, I don’t know what to do
My earth doesn’t rotate without you.
Never have I met a woman
Who I wanted so badly to dig into.
I know she doesn't like me.
I know marriage together is highly unlikely.
But when our stars fall onto the ground
I know with open arms
she's waiting to catch them all
and pop them right into her eyes.
Shimmering me with hope
I'm buzzed with lust
Not everything that falls resembles tears and cries.
I’m missing something,
She said.
A piece of you
The part that wants to be dead
I say,
My dream, it’s all in my head
This is all pretend.
I can’t imagine an even duller life
Without her.
I can’t imagine if she found a better lover.
Secretly wish she’d **** herself with me.
Together we’ll land
SPLAT
from the highest building in the city.
She won’t cry with me
She won’t die with me
She doesn’t love me
Although, sometimes I don’t love her.
Yet, I can’t imagine if she died.
I can’t imagine if I actually pulled the trigger
Together, while she backs out
at the count of three.
I’d say, the voices told me to do it
I want to be free.
After all, baby, I always promised you a land
That’s for only you and me.
The loneliness kicks in
I’m back to the start.
I’m still aching, in my poor little heart.
Remembering her embrace
And how I ruined her always.
Maybe I never deserved her in the first place.
I was more drawn to my sadness
That I couldn’t seem to manage
Her at her worst
And see she, too, is damaged.
I told her,
To me, love’s never been as simple
as four letters
I can’t even define it
**** not with my life.
Not even if you paid me a million and two cents.
Told her,
With you, things make more sense
A lot more than in my head.
You can simplify it for me, can’t you baby?
Simplify love for me in bed.
You see, she's never loved anyone before.
Not her mother nor her father.
When I asked her why, cold
she answered,
Why bother?
She said, I love you, to an extent.
Just as long as we pretend
I’ll always be with you
Until the very end.
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 3:59 AM UTC
Orange sunsets, burning hues, are you mine?
I lay across your lap, drunk and heavy
filled with sweet pink wine.
Spring is near, our bodies are closer.
Church bells ring; I pray for you.
Baby's got something to show her.
Some kind of summer in his eyes.
I can't shake this feeling
he's telling me lies.
This rainy weather's got me feeling blue.
As winter ends, I'm still thinking of you.
Dear, let's get out of this mess before the seasons change
and so does my mind.
Love letters from across oceans;
I'm sorry for leaving you behind.
But you let me go first.
Over and over again,
Yet, this time's the worst.
If you meet me again,
let it be before the shaky leaves, cold dirt, and hazel vibes.
I can't bear Autumn arriving and falling for You again.
Mar 12, 2016
Mar 12, 2016 at 2:58 AM UTC
I am the wind that can carry you, but won't let anyone blow me away.
Mar 12, 2016
Mar 12, 2016 at 12:11 AM UTC
You’d wake up before sunrise
because you said you couldn’t sleep.
Not that you liked watching outside
nor the light creep,
and you certainly were't interested
in watching the earth bloom.
There was nothing magnificent enough out there
nor in the bedroom.
You couldn't speak to me; said it was too early.
"There's no place like home."
"I've got to get out of here."
You swore to yourself you'd be gone
by the end of the year.
So yes, it's my fault, I can't be what you need.
I can't compare to the beauty of what your reality seeks.
Then I guess i'm not meant for you;
I'm not your friend
your addiction
nor as strong as your ****
The sky was inadequate
without the stars;
nothing compared to the way they gleam.
But you’d say that I’m the one
with no dreams.
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 7:13 PM UTC
Never known what a goodbye was until I was too close to a fire.
Not in the same way I burned your sweater.
That didn't matter,
it didn't make it any better.
But, in a way where I felt the burn and stinging sensation in my eyes
and all I wanted was to pour water into it
to take out the fire.
That must be what it's like; for all those goodbyes.
I felt a familiar spark
like that night, as I left your car in the park.
You told me you couldn't have me in that way.
Those words burned me;
it stung me that I could no longer stay.
Who knew that night would be the last time I saw your face
and the last time you'd see mine.
I have never known what a goodbye was.
After all, you never once gave me the time.
You'd leave and you'd come
as you please.
No goodbyes or welcomes.
No hand waves or begging on your knees.
I have never known what a goodbye was,
so I never did let go.
But now I realize that goodbye
was hidden in everything I know.
Apr 1, 2015
Apr 1, 2015 at 8:58 PM UTC
I didn't know how to tell him he hasn't been my everything
in a very long time.
That I had found a man
who I can actually call mine.
My own--
The way he's had his own woman on the side.
The truth is, both our places have been replaced on the throne.
He was no longer my king.
I was no longer his anything.
I haven't been his for awhile.
And he hasn't noticed I've been gone.
Nothing could bring me back, not even that dazzling smile.
And he hasn't noticed everything's wrong.
He no longer phones me yearly for an invitation inside the newly aged me.
We have disconnected; no longer "we"
He's let me go; let me go to be.
Has he not realized he has lost me?
To another man whose arms let me in since I've lost my home.
The best I've discovered since being alone.
I still don't know if I should tell him I won't be returning any longer.
Sorry to tell him that another man has made me stronger.
I know he'd understand and he'd be so proud.
I'd like to thank him for what I have found.
He's taught me a valuable lesson in who to become.
I haven't written to him in months,
thinking about him has become numb.
I hope this is the final letter
To wish me to get better.
I'll tell him, my new man, all about the one I carry deep within;
how he was
my soul
my home
my truth
How I could have loved him; I never loved him.
He'll never be the man who's kept me up for so long.
But it's time to move on,
for he's now to whom I belong.
*So, darling, i'll bury you deep.
All mine to keep.
I'll keep you safe.
No one else can take your place.
Light of my life.
Forever I'll stay true.
Don't worry about me.
I'll never forget you.*
Mar 22, 2015
Mar 22, 2015 at 4:52 AM UTC
I don't know why I did it/ There are people angry at me for things I didn't do/ But when I stop giving a **** they ask me why don't I care/ When I try again, I'm told that i'm not trying/ I know what it's like to ruin yourself just to be noticed/ I know what it's like to dig yourself deep just to convince everyone you're not doing so well/ I know what it's like to find comfort in that hell hole because you know you won't be able to find that same comfort in an alternate situation/ You might think I found my answer, but i'm really still questioning myself and my next move/ I don't know why...
Jan 11, 2015
Jan 11, 2015 at 9:57 PM UTC
Tell me i'm worth keeping around.
Tell me i'm worth every step.
Tell me i'm not mediocre.
Tell me i'm not someone you regret.
Tell me you're not tired of me.
Tell me you'd still care about me
even if I slip away.
Tell me if you even want me to stay.
Dec 14, 2014
Dec 14, 2014 at 1:39 AM UTC