Clouded by thoughts
Repressed them inside.
Never showing it,
With a Nonchalant face
Showing a nonchalant life.
The back of my mind,
A dark dangerous place.
Before I walk back there,
Numb yourself,
To numb my life.
I cloud my thoughts
Before I go inside.
Drinking to show,
Never to live.
Make them see,
My nonchalant face,
So they see,
My nonchalant life.
Feb 12, 2019
Feb 12, 2019 at 3:12 PM UTC
If you’ve ever seen me
Felt or heard from me,
There has been nothing
Impossible as it goes by
As it clears up and you see
The feeling has almost ceased.
If I ever saw you
Felt or heard,
There was something
Almost impossible as it stroke me
Somebody who I could see
And felt that pleasuring feeling.
People don’t belong to people
Bonding as if they belong together
The moments that seem to last forever
Unforgettable as a habit
Unchanging as time goes by
The images I create
The feelings that I made
Who has never been seen
Never been heard from.
Almost like they never exists
When existence is all we have
Was it real?
What was real?
Am I crazy?
Or just a lonely nobody.
Somebody who never existed.
From someone who exists
To someone who may had existed
Or to you who doesn’t know they exist
The beyond is Infinite as death is inevitable,
Time goes by as it goes.
Forevermore,
As nevermore.
Never forget,
You exist.
Mar 4, 2018
Mar 4, 2018 at 12:36 PM UTC
Why the heart wants the unobtainable.
I long for that meaning.
It gains nothing.
It tears the insides.
It hurts.
Only in silence I cry
Gaining nothing,
Only hurting.
It seems like eons have passed,
Times by the times again,
I end lying here.
Silently in pain,
Masking the days.
I lose hope.
It only hurts,
Nothing gained.
Only in silence,
Only to pain.
Nov 13, 2017
Nov 13, 2017 at 11:09 PM UTC
To picture my life differently...
To dream that better life,
I can't cope with this.
Forcing that change,
I destroy my future.
Happy days,
Happy dreams.
I'm stuck in my head
But when I drink those drinks...
I am free
It's no wonder why I'm alone.
How can others love me,
When one hates themselves?
Still in the past,
Nothing has changed.
I dream of a home,
Only to dream.
I drink to be free,
Only it burns.
It's no wonder why I'm alone.
Sep 18, 2017
Sep 18, 2017 at 9:41 AM UTC
Alone again,
I saw the horizon,
It was close...
I could feel it.
Again,
It was hope,
just a dream.
Happiness filled my soul,
I could almost be in.
I could feel the world again.
I was almost there
Only to wake up.
Staring at the pictures,
Watching the videos again.
I always doubted
I would've came back,
To this deep cavern.
I was wrong.
Hoping...
It won't hurt as bad this time.
I had hope,
I stopped dreaming,
I hate it.
Never again,
Forever again.
I was closed...
But I opened myself up...
only for a moment.
It was a mistake.
I after seeing the moments again,
I hate it.
Wish I could press rewind.
Tell myself, close that door.
Loose that hope,
Loose the feeling.
Forever again,
Alone.
Aug 26, 2017
Aug 26, 2017 at 7:53 PM UTC
Hello brother...
I hope you are happy
up in the clouds...
high above the sadness...
I am still here...
holding on...
hoping for the open future...
I am trying....
to hold on.
I try....
as doubtfulness falls down my eyes...
It doesnt matter how far our story goes...
it just matters how its told...
Aug 20, 2017
Aug 20, 2017 at 6:33 AM UTC
Actions from years ago,
Actions to the beyond.
All maybe different,
But all for the same reason.
The lights of the Sun,
The shadow of the Moon,
All different ways,
All are the same.
The ugliness of the world.
The beauty of people.
Judgement rises,
As love falls.
Lonliness is the shadow.
Friendship is my light.
Tears that fell.
Laughters that rose.
The meaning, it is different.
But it is for the same reason.
A dreamer dreams.
A life lives.
A life lives...
A dreamer, that dreams...
Love drives me.
But loneliness rules.
The smallest sparks,
Engulf my life.
Slow down I must.
I live for it though.
I dream of that day.
I live for that moment.
Those moments.
To close my eyes,
Being loved.
One day,
One night.
I can see her,
I can hear her.
Only a dream,
In my dreams...
Different days,
Same routine.
I see it,
I feel it.
One day...
Someday...
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 7:34 AM UTC
I sit in this empty room.
My music, the only voice to be heard.
I hear the memories,
The moments.
As I drink it down,
The memories feel so near...
But they are gone forever.
The moments I remember,
Gone forever.
Time goes by, as I sit here.
Only to remember
Over and over again.
The smell is so sweet,
The dreams
I only weap.
Only remembering,
Forever gone.
The beauty,
I can still see.
Stuck,
Trapped in my mind.
Never to be spoken,
But only to be seen.
The angels they look.
They cry,
Seeing what could be.
I drink this drink,
Only to remember,
Only to feel again.
The purpose not to destroy,
But to live again.
I sit here,
In this dark lonely room.
Only to dream,
Never to live.
Only to feel,
The life of life,
What could have been.
Aug 10, 2017
Aug 10, 2017 at 3:44 AM UTC
The person I needed
When I was in my most Vulnerable.
Having those thoughts,
Wanting that door open.
No one knew.
I was alone.
Stuck with my mind,
I fought the keep it inside,
Not to show my weakness
The weakness of crying for help.
I tried to be tough,
Act like everything was good.
Detaching myself,
From myself.
To make it easier I guess
To forget who I was,
Where I was,
and Why I was.
I wanted to be,
Nothing.
In the past,
Almost opening that door,
No one knew,
I was going to open the door,
No one knew,
I wanted to open,
And be gone.
Thinking back,
Thinking at that moment,
The moment,
I heard he opened his door,
I didn't know why.
Then I thought,
If he could open it.
Maybe I could to.
May 22, 2017
May 22, 2017 at 8:57 AM UTC
I stare up into the dark abyss and wonder, why? why am I here? why am I self tortured. I am supposed to love myself, am I not? Then why am I here, wondering why, Why am I here? The wonder, so big/ Almost endless, I kinda want to cry. Not for any meaning, but I just really just don't know why. I do as i think feels right, what others tell me what is right. Don't mess up, don't be late, don't stop caring for others. But why? Why must I do? I may never find an answer to this question, even in my final moments. Just ignore it, carry on with my day.
Feb 3, 2017
Feb 3, 2017 at 1:13 PM UTC