aguda - Hello Poetry

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0

Mar 9, 2020

Mar 9, 2020 at 10:23 AM UTC

aguda

oct 16 2019

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41

On a blisteringly hot Thursday afternoon I could feel tiny ***** dripping down my calf Underneath my dark jeans My sweaty palms lubricating the balance beam of summer I was teetering on today I walked briskly in the same direction as men in suits Away from the city And in the opposite direction of kids my age, mainly girls ******** clad in clothing reminiscent of decades prior Heading to one or two of several bars That just happened to not care how old you were Every day I would ask myself what stopped me From conforming to what I thought I really wanted I could very simply turn right around Lose a few layers And play dress up in a magical city I did not know my way around I used to think I wasn’t alone, just lonely but for weeks I was truly alone But I was not lonely in Boston I was alone but I sure as hell wasn’t lonely I fed on the city I drank up every glass building overlooking the charles river The stench of homeless men pitching camp in front of the world’s most prestigious university Every ****** museum that looked the exact same as the last one The rain felt different on my skin and petrichor snaked through every car on the train Masked the smell of armpit and business and medicine and education One day I promised myself I would sit cross legged on a stool At one or two of several bars ******** clad in clothing reminiscent of decades prior And order a whiskey neat Or on the rocks or whatever And wait until I became lonely For real lonely So that ordering a whiskey neat the second night And the night after Was okay

0

Mar 9, 2020

Mar 9, 2020 at 10:19 AM UTC

aguda

lonely

On a blisteringly hot Thursday afternoon I could feel tiny ***** dripping down my calf Underneath my dark jeans My sweaty palms lubricating the balance beam of summer I was teetering on today I walked briskly in the same direction as men in suits Away from the city And in the opposite direction of kids my age, mainly girls ******** clad in clothing reminiscent of decades prior Heading to one or two of several bars That just happened to not care how old you were Every day I would ask myself what stopped me From conforming to what I thought I really wanted I could very simply turn right around Lose a few layers And play dress up in a magical city I did not know my way around I used to think I wasn’t alone, just lonely but for weeks I was truly alone But I was not lonely in Boston I was alone but I sure as hell wasn’t lonely I fed on the city I drank up every glass building overlooking the charles river The stench of homeless men pitching camp in front of the world’s most prestigious university Every ****** museum that looked the exact same as the last one The rain felt different on my skin and petrichor snaked through every car on the train Masked the smell of armpit and business and medicine and education One day I promised myself I would sit cross legged on a stool At one or two of several bars ******** clad in clothing reminiscent of decades prior And order a whiskey neat Or on the rocks or whatever And wait until I became lonely For real lonely So that ordering a whiskey neat the second night And the night after Was okay

34

If we were to get into ur ****** accident prone car And you would put your hand behind my head rest as you backed out of the parking lot where would we go Where could we go? Well we could go to the lake I said I’d jump in with my clothes on But we both know I would never I would joke about how ur socks didn’t match but I wouldn’t really care just needed to make conversation But it wasn’t awkward We watched as our shadows plunged into the water As the sun plunged into the horizons and paint splatters of stars in unpolluted skies... Maybe you would play super rich kids When it got so dark that I could close my eyes and see sparks And we could sing the lyrics satirically because our monetary value was nothing We were simply children thinking it mattered But it wasn’t supposed to be awkward the way it was I woke up and u were staring straight into my eyes You said You took the funk out my soul

0

Mar 9, 2020

Mar 9, 2020 at 10:18 AM UTC

aguda

i long for you

If we were to get into ur ****** accident prone car And you would put your hand behind my head rest as you backed out of the parking lot where would we go Where could we go? Well we could go to the lake I said I’d jump in with my clothes on But we both know I would never I would joke about how ur socks didn’t match but I wouldn’t really care just needed to make conversation But it wasn’t awkward We watched as our shadows plunged into the water As the sun plunged into the horizons and paint splatters of stars in unpolluted skies... Maybe you would play super rich kids When it got so dark that I could close my eyes and see sparks And we could sing the lyrics satirically because our monetary value was nothing We were simply children thinking it mattered But it wasn’t supposed to be awkward the way it was I woke up and u were staring straight into my eyes You said You took the funk out my soul

20

My dad let me drive his expensive German car Except by myself even though I wasn’t old enough i came to a complete stop at every stop sign And checked my mirrors and my blind spots And at every spot light I made sure my foot was on the brake In case my mind decided to change my mind the ravens picked up on my intrusive thoughts Stepped on the brake for me Turned on my indicator Moved the windshield wipers so the breadcrumbs would fall to the side And then they would eat them up And the car wheels would smash their bodies into smithereens What if I swerved right instead of left The windows were cracked so that The pressure wouldn’t trap me as the car sunk into the abyss That was the pool of lethe Maybe I would forget the route And take another one home Park in the garage And then hand my dad the keys Until the next time, he said

0

Mar 9, 2020

Mar 9, 2020 at 10:17 AM UTC

aguda

sunday drive

My dad let me drive his expensive German car Except by myself even though I wasn’t old enough i came to a complete stop at every stop sign And checked my mirrors and my blind spots And at every spot light I made sure my foot was on the brake In case my mind decided to change my mind the ravens picked up on my intrusive thoughts Stepped on the brake for me Turned on my indicator Moved the windshield wipers so the breadcrumbs would fall to the side And then they would eat them up And the car wheels would smash their bodies into smithereens What if I swerved right instead of left The windows were cracked so that The pressure wouldn’t trap me as the car sunk into the abyss That was the pool of lethe Maybe I would forget the route And take another one home Park in the garage And then hand my dad the keys Until the next time, he said

23

My mother would say many things to me Not particularly nice things She’d call me impotent and ungrateful Big words with little meaning I knew she was wrong But deep deep down I still knew she was wrong You thought I was going to say she was right, right? Wrong I would never speak back Because I would say things I wouldn’t necessarily regret but Things I would understand that she wouldn’t And I felt bad I felt shameful for playing a game she didn’t know the rules to After all it’s not like I was going to explain to her What logic and reason were Sometimes I would say things They would snake out of my mouth like rancid smoke And I didn’t even mean them I just knew they would sound satisfying Like cutting all the way through a carrot Hearing the knife hit the cutting board in a comfortable thump! My words evaded me When I’m afraid I lose my mind It’s fine it happens all the time One day I won’t have a mother to not say things to Maybe I’ll learn One day

0

Mar 9, 2020

Mar 9, 2020 at 10:17 AM UTC

aguda

my mother

My mother would say many things to me Not particularly nice things She’d call me impotent and ungrateful Big words with little meaning I knew she was wrong But deep deep down I still knew she was wrong You thought I was going to say she was right, right? Wrong I would never speak back Because I would say things I wouldn’t necessarily regret but Things I would understand that she wouldn’t And I felt bad I felt shameful for playing a game she didn’t know the rules to After all it’s not like I was going to explain to her What logic and reason were Sometimes I would say things They would snake out of my mouth like rancid smoke And I didn’t even mean them I just knew they would sound satisfying Like cutting all the way through a carrot Hearing the knife hit the cutting board in a comfortable thump! My words evaded me When I’m afraid I lose my mind It’s fine it happens all the time One day I won’t have a mother to not say things to Maybe I’ll learn One day

28

I looked up and I couldn’t see the end of it but I knew it was there Sunshine glimmered against the surface like Cling wrap Infinite horizons meant intrusive thoughts If only I could bring myself to jump Small children giggled in a row Stumbling over each other’s oblivious actions on the dirt-caked path Brought a smile to my face because they couldn’t help it Panting puppy dogs sent a haze of debris into the air Enticed the girls, sitting on a blanket Who didn’t care to understand the appeal of fishing Families of several walked by substance abuse and crude jokes Disapproving looks but no one really cared The sky was cloudless but the air was smoke ridden We took a short nap The sun set over the train tracks so the sky never turned pretty But the melted blue meant we were to go now So we walked past gurgling babies and smiling mommies on the dingy trail And drove home with the windows down and it was an icy wind that bit our earlobes The speaker screamed hey good lookin and we sang as we became enveloped in the Blanket of wilderness

0

Mar 9, 2020

Mar 9, 2020 at 10:15 AM UTC

aguda

when the weather was warm

I looked up and I couldn’t see the end of it but I knew it was there Sunshine glimmered against the surface like Cling wrap Infinite horizons meant intrusive thoughts If only I could bring myself to jump Small children giggled in a row Stumbling over each other’s oblivious actions on the dirt-caked path Brought a smile to my face because they couldn’t help it Panting puppy dogs sent a haze of debris into the air Enticed the girls, sitting on a blanket Who didn’t care to understand the appeal of fishing Families of several walked by substance abuse and crude jokes Disapproving looks but no one really cared The sky was cloudless but the air was smoke ridden We took a short nap The sun set over the train tracks so the sky never turned pretty But the melted blue meant we were to go now So we walked past gurgling babies and smiling mommies on the dingy trail And drove home with the windows down and it was an icy wind that bit our earlobes The speaker screamed hey good lookin and we sang as we became enveloped in the Blanket of wilderness

21

Specificity is the mother of my demons and I live my life like A vague ascetic the gap between expectation and reality is where the pain is

0

Aug 18, 2019

Aug 18, 2019 at 11:30 PM UTC

aguda

devil's in the details

Specificity is the mother of my demons and I live my life like A vague ascetic the gap between expectation and reality is where the pain is

3

When I taste tequila He says the burn is okay and normal the caveats of my tongue are pressed with the bitter solace You don’t know how bad I need you you are my Irish cream, my guilty pleasure Dancing with the devil but instead dancing with you but is that the same thing the moshpit of our own twisted minds and our consciouses are two twisted sweaty bodies whiskey and red wine and champagne and all that Why do I write about males Hot commodity I will pretend before I admit and admit before I realize i can hear my pupils dilating

0

Aug 18, 2019

Aug 18, 2019 at 11:29 PM UTC

aguda

dangerous

When I taste tequila He says the burn is okay and normal the caveats of my tongue are pressed with the bitter solace You don’t know how bad I need you you are my Irish cream, my guilty pleasure Dancing with the devil but instead dancing with you but is that the same thing the moshpit of our own twisted minds and our consciouses are two twisted sweaty bodies whiskey and red wine and champagne and all that Why do I write about males Hot commodity I will pretend before I admit and admit before I realize i can hear my pupils dilating

11

you have wanderers’ eyes with impossibly long eyelashes high voltage in my lips my teeth jitter with each word but i have nothing left to say i wish I cared more but damage control matters more

0

Aug 18, 2019

Aug 18, 2019 at 11:28 PM UTC

aguda

but was it actually nice while it lasted?

you have wanderers’ eyes with impossibly long eyelashes high voltage in my lips my teeth jitter with each word but i have nothing left to say i wish I cared more but damage control matters more

8

what could have been a glance of longing Is now A gaze deep into glazed Passive eyes With Impossibly long eyelashes

0

Aug 18, 2019

Aug 18, 2019 at 11:28 PM UTC

aguda

was nice while it lasted

what could have been a glance of longing Is now A gaze deep into glazed Passive eyes With Impossibly long eyelashes

7