i feel...empty
or as empty as one can feel
can anybody even feel empty?
one can't be void of emotion, can they?
to feel like that means to feel.
if you feel nothing, doesn't that mean that you feel something?
unless nothing really is nothing rather than something
i have every reason to be happy
i am beyond blessed
so why do i feel nothing?
is it just a quirk?
Oct 3, 2012
Oct 3, 2012 at 8:34 AM UTC
beautiful
yet ugly
wondrous,
yet-terrifying
proud
yet ashamed
wrist, thighs,
kept hidden
assumptions
and myths
when found
truth-hidden
forgotten
no one cares
shunned, pitied
disgust when found out
am i crazy?
maybe.
is that a bad thing?
probably.
do i care?
no.
short, beautiful scars
like a road map
show's me where i've been
how far i've come
how far i've yet to go.
i close my eyes
cut deeper, deeper
until the Demons in my head are quiet
hushed
from screeches to barely a whisper
but not silenced.
never silenced.
always there
lurking, creeping
trying to control me.
thankfully i remain in control.
i am the piolit
refusing to by hijacked
but am i in total control?
if i satisfy the Demons
am i doing the bidding of them?
or maybe am i taking control?
do the Demons control me?
i know not.
all i know:
i abhor
i adore
myself-
my scars.
Oct 3, 2012
Oct 3, 2012 at 8:29 AM UTC
You come into my life
Again
Unannounced
Random
Unwanted
After I have finally begun to heal
And you open the wound back up
Tearing
Pulling
Prying
Hurting me as you go
Not a word spoken
Just the sight of you leaves me feeling scared
Horrified
More than just a little paranoid.
What if you try to hurt me again?
You frighten me
Make me sick
Nauseous
The rank smell
The vile taste
Of *****
Making my insides cringe
You used to be there
In the innermost part of me
Physically, mentally, emotionally
You had every part of me.
It’s your fault. You, who claims he knows nothing of what he did.
“I swear, I never meant to hurt you, I’m sorry.”
********
You aren’t sorry. You know what you did. How could you not?
You know you nearly killed me with your words
That flow from your mouth
Uncontrollable
Like a raging river of lies and deceit
Untrustworthy is what you are
Is what you mean to me
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing. Not even a stranger. For I would treat
a stranger better than you.
An animal better than you
A pile of feces better than you
You are the lowest of the low
You ask me to be your “friend”
No. you don’t know the meaning of the word
How dare you try to corrupt that blessed status
You selfish, evil, conniving, *******
You can burn in Hell. In the deepest darkest parts where brimstone is so strong it engulfs you in a whirlwind of unpleasurable, rank, decaying, vile smells and tastes.
That is where you belong.
That is where you will stay
In the blacked out part of my memory, where I wish we had never happened
And I hope on day you will realize what you did
And die.
Oct 2, 2012
Oct 2, 2012 at 6:42 PM UTC
Joy and compassion
Happiness and love
Our precious Angel,
now watches us from above.
She lived for today
and looked to tomorrow
no more time could she buy or borrow
our hearts are burdened
tears fill our eyes
her tragic death
fills us up with surprise
yet..in our anguish
hope is alive!
because with God, she has eternal life!
high in the sky
somewhere above the clouds
she now lives with the master
in happiness, love, and peace she abides
with God, she will stay
and we will meet her at the Gates,
when our time comes to meet the Father and Son.
with a smile on her beautiful face
she will embrace us all
we miss her now,
but she wouldn't want us to fall
we will see her again
this is a guarantee
our dear, sweet Amanda
Forever Seventeen.
Oct 2, 2012
Oct 2, 2012 at 4:57 PM UTC
a flame burning bright
a single light in the dead of night
illuminating the dark
dancing, burning hot
shades of red
shades of orange
shades of yellow
sparking desire
moving freely.
free? as in freedom?
no! the flame is a captive!
because if it gets too strong...
disaster befalls everything it touches
such a wild flame, if allowed to breath,
would surely destroy.
a beauty, when controlled.
a nightmare when allowed to be free.
a raindrop falling from the sky
always changing.
never constant.
unreliable.
sometimes a gas
sometimes a liquid
sometimes a solid
a need for consistency lingers,
but it was not meant to be
nature is against its will
the need, the want-
it's strong...
it's just not strong enough
I'm a flame, he is rain
nature tells me to hate him.
he can destroy me
my power, my destructive force
it's nothing compared to his power
he consumes me. all of me.
leaves me burned out.
nothing.
so why, when I burn bright again, do I want that raindrop?
some sort of suicide, if that's what you want to call it.
emotional and mental suicide
I'm attracted to the very thing that could finish me.
he seeks to destroy me.
like a lion, who stalks his prey.
and with that, fear grips me...
I shrink, barley a whisper.
my brilliance dims...
and in the quiet of the starlit sky
I fade.
I seek not life.
nor death.
I live only for the chase.
my time of domination's at hand
i shall return-with a vengance
that makes babies cry
and grown men
who are trained to exterminate me
quiver in their boots.
and he shall taste fear.
i come back
not as a flame...
but as a BLAZE!!
Oct 2, 2012
Oct 2, 2012 at 4:45 PM UTC
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
hide from me what you show
Mirror, oh, cruel mirror,
why do you torture me so
Mirror mirror on the wall
you make me cry
you make me fall
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the fairest one of all?
Not me?
Not me?
Not you!
Not you!
It echos back to me.
Mirror, mirror, is it true
that you see all that I do.
Mirror, mirror is it right
that you make me hate my sight
The pain you cause it's so real
It makes me not want to feel.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
I'm not the fairest one, no, not at all.
Oct 2, 2012
Oct 2, 2012 at 4:24 PM UTC