You don't get to choose who you fall in love with, she says. For most, this isn't true. Millions of people know who they want to end up with for the rest of their lives. They want someone who would love them beyond what one is capable of. Someone who will tell them they mean the whole world for them. Someone who would take the risk, catch and fall. A lot of people make definite images about who they plan on falling in love with.
I didn't.
I agreed with what you whispered that night while we were on our phones, waiting to see who gets knocked out of their senses and fall soundly asleep first. I thought of it over and over and heck, it made sense. I was out of your preferences. You were too good to be mine. Yet you were madly in love with me and I was madly in love with you—
But then, why would I be surprised? You eventually left.
You came in like an earthquake, shaking my thoughts and mixing my feelings with what I stand for and I was left in a horrendous state—too damaged to ever be fixed. A passing moment you were, but what devastation you have caused. I guess, you really don't get to choose who you fall in love with. Because no matter how seemingly perfect our love was for each other, left I was with nothing but a crack right in my heart.
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I once learned that Love Waves were the most destructive surface waves ever to occur, I said.
Maybe there's a reason it was named liked that, I thought seconds after as you turned back and walked away.
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 6:41 AM UTC
I have cared, loved and cried so hard that my mother swore
I cracked the skies.
I have emptied bottles down my throat and
felt my wrists erupt like volcanoes.
I have carved the surface of my own skin;
to free myself from the burden and shackles of my own body.
I have been left countless of times by a lover who did not love me for my own personality nor loved me because I wasn't a good
enough female to have a chance in being his spouse till the Hereafter.
He told me that we weren't a match made in
Heaven nor was this universe even mine to begin with.
I have walked through the different aspects and corners of this earth,
I might have even walked through fire and water before
I could even realize that I was burning from all the
tears that broke loose from my own glands.
I've met ghosts that have brighter souls and smiles than me.
Laughters that filled their minds and hearts with never ending happiness, one in which I have always longed for.
So do not tell me that I am strong, for I am not, for as long as I am breathing.
Dec 30, 2015
Dec 30, 2015 at 11:00 PM UTC
I do not know what you see in me
Be it the good or the bad
Be it the happy or the sad
The prospect of life can be in many different ways
However you're never open to any of them;
You try to bring me down in so many ways possible,
what is it that I have that you do not?
What is it that makes me different from you;
If we're talking about how inevitable love is,
I must say that you have won.
May 24, 2015
May 24, 2015 at 5:23 AM UTC
if only i had the courage to tell you
about all the hidden thoughts and feelings
that are kept inside of me;
how much i never want to let you go
every time we part on our separate ways,
every time it’s time to say our goodbyes’
without realising that it was our last one.
if only i could turn back time to when you
were just nobody and somebody who meant
the whole world to me.
someone who was willing to sacrifice time,
effort and space for a little introvert like me.
if only and if only i could turn back time to
when i was all alone with you;
when we were speaking about the universe
and how you thought that nothing is inevitable.
when we were speaking in a series
of smiles, laughters and giggles;
as we read each other’s eyes and emotions,
making out stories and predictions of
what was going on in each other’s brains.
but there isn’t an if only, and there will never be.
May 17, 2015
May 17, 2015 at 12:53 PM UTC
What do you think about hands?”
I have no idea how about you tell me-
I could still remember how stubborn and reluctant I was;
God knows how much I just wanted you to force the words out of me,
How I wanted you to be a part of my thoughts.
Funny thing is how I finally gave in;
“I think that hands are the most inevitable creatures on earth;”
Despite that you’ve never understood what I meant,
what intention I had beneath all of those words.
As days and weeks pass, there was no ice left to break;
all that ever came out of me were tears.
I could hear my heart break as you left;
it sounded like nuclear bomb, it sounded like you.
I was so naive to allow you to do that;
to allow you to go on and be free from all of the life’s shackles.
You left me behind as if nothing happened,
after opening up to you and letting you see the
hidden parts of me filled with guilt, agony, anger, jealousy and love.
I showed you the universe, the stars and how the collided with
all of the words that I could possibly find.
Stitching them together as if they were about to
uncover a hidden message or puzzle telling you that
you were my long lost one that I have been anticipating.
“What do you think about hands?”
I ask myself again and again.
Repeating the words till my mouth feels numb from
the words that I try to make out but I just can’t.
You almost grew in the darkest parts of me.
That includes my hands, my heart and my lungs.
But you were long dead and gone even before
you could start to grow into something beautiful.
I’ll wait;
Despite the number of years that it will take
for you to realise that I have been waiting
eagerly for your arrival in my life.
Waiting for you to stay permanently and forever in my life;
no matter what the circumstances are
no matter what the life has in stored for me,
I will still wait;
and for that, my hands will always remind me of you.
May 16, 2015
May 16, 2015 at 6:19 AM UTC
I know that we didn't had anything going on or did we; just know that I get attached to moments, to those that we spent time together unravelling the secrets of the universe. Remembering how your lips curled every time I try to explain my theory to everything. How you thought that I was the most crazy, unique person that you've ever met. It's sad how things went by at the speed of light. It's as if we travelled on stars and before we know it, our time together is up. I get jitters every time you text me, thinking to myself that you still care; or don't you? "Do you not feel anything" a question I kept on asking myself over and over again ever since things got cut off. I know I'm not your priority, but do know that you're always mine, kept and locked in a tiny box deep down in my heart. You're my guilty pleasure, you're my source of happiness, and you're definitely the rose among the thorns.
May 13, 2015
May 13, 2015 at 7:17 PM UTC
Her beauty was natural with the volume turned up
She was music only I could hear
My headphones for lonely nights
A bass line that echoes my heart
Her only genre was making me smile
A one person concert every time we spoke
She needs no instruments just her lips
The only amp she needs is her soul
Cover art was the pretty dresses
Song names days we spent
The duration of an album was each season
And I wanted the summer single to never end.
May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 9:31 PM UTC
I set you free
I let you go
I wanted to be free myself
But you kept on coming back
In different shapes and forms
Everytime with a different word spoken upon your lips
I defied you in every way possible, truly I did.
But you just wouldn't leave;
And I don't know how to stop you.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 11:00 PM UTC
1. I find the little pieces of you in everyone. I met a girl yesterday, her name starts with an L, like yours, and the girl I sat next to in Starbucks was reading your favourite book and the little kid I saw in the park today kinda laughs like you.
2. I heard drowning was a peaceful way to die but thoughts of you have been twisting around my arms and pulling me under and holy **** I can't breathe. Water is burning at my throat, and my eyes feel like they're being incinerated. Everything hurts. I'm falling deeper, I'm at my breaking point. My lover finds me thrashing around in bed screaming your name. Drowning is messy.
3. I asked you for a lighter to light my cigarette with since I misplaced mine. But instead you said a collection of words that set me on fire, and you watched me burn to the ground. You could've put me out. Why didn't you just ******* put me out?
4. I guess I didn't know what I was expecting. I know life is far from what the movies you love watching come to be, I know that I won't get the girl because I'm the guy whose loved her when she stopped altogether. I know that I won't get the chance to kiss you in the rain either, but I just didn't think I would get to watch you slip through my fingers and mistake you for someone to fall asleep to when I was lonely.
5. You were never into writing or anything, your favourite hobby was breaking my heart.
May 28, 2014
May 28, 2014 at 7:17 AM UTC