As I look at the bullet, my head hurts like I've done this before.
I'm ready to end it, aside from the mess I'd leave on the floor.
My only concern of what I'd leave behind,
The burden to clean up whatever's left to find.
It'd be more than a week before anyone knew,
and only for something that I didn't do.
I used to worry bout how it'd be done,
Now I don't care; everyone else has won.
It doesn't need to mean something special to me,
Its not worth pressing on with whats destined to be.
I've held on longer than I thought I could,
It would seem much longer than I really should.
No need to see whats around the next bend,
I've turned a few corners and this is the end.
So one last pull while I'm standing tall.
I just need one, then you can have it all.
Dec 10, 2017
Dec 10, 2017 at 5:59 AM UTC
I open my broken heart and share all that I am.
Most don't even notice, but you actually seem to see.
You said that's everything you've been looking for in a man.
I didn't notice at first, now cant help but think what might be.
Conversations good and the relationships in bloom;
till you ask about the guy in the other room.
Tell me what you want me to say;
cause whats in my mind wont come out the right way.
I know its a bad idea, but I think about it anyway.
All I want is for you to stay,
but now I know you don't look at me the same way.
Maybe it was all the stress or too much to drink,
we shared a moment and a kiss, in a night of what should be bliss.
But the next morning left me not knowing what to think
I'd give everything in my life for it not to have ended like this.
You mention that its just between us, no one else should find out.
Now there's this perfect thing, we're not allowed to talk about.
Suddenly you're with a friend of mine, here in this place,
and I Have to watch you be with someone else,
all without escape.
Sep 22, 2017
Sep 22, 2017 at 4:49 AM UTC
You hit me in the heart, dead square in the chest. Wanna be a badass? put yourself to the test. Don't question me with your bullet proof vest! I'll put 2 in your head and not worry the rest.
I'll double tap when need be, but preach love is the best. I thought you you were cool, but you're just like the rest.
Don't think cause I was open, that I cant defend, cause I let you in, thinking you were a friend, that I didn't see how it could be in the end.
I might hurt for now, but I'll ******* end you. And all of those who believe that Karma is true, could only justify that what I did was due.
And when it comes to loss, no one will miss you. I know I didn't, my proofs right in plain view, everyone can see you laying there under my shoe.
I'll tell them all the tale, of how you tried and you failed... Wait, that was your plan?! So that's why I've been jailed? That's not too bad, I've no hope of bail.
Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 4:48 AM UTC
To hang with my crew, any day of the week, would leave 21yr old me, in the bathroom on his knees.
Wether we chill in the lot with a Rapper blowing trees, or moonlight the bar with lap dances and whiskey.
5am, 'In The Air', single mom feeling naughty
Next thing I knew, was at the afterparty.
Hooked up till dawn, but cant tell nobody.
Haven't shaved in a week, cant remember last sleep.
Ask me where I was and you'll never hear a peep.
Head home for an hour, change of clothes and a shower
Then back to work, cause the wicked get no rest
My tire explodes, Im on the side of the road,
and Im dressed to be sat at a desk.
Catch my breath screaming 'Fuck!', **** near hit by a truck,
as now rain pours down in my face.
Tore my shirt and late for work, god **** do I hate this place.
Now the hours feel like years, till I again have some beers and get back to where I feel like me.
6am in the bar, and just lit my cigar, and the bottle it seems is empty.
Lather, rinse and repeat, cause its only midweek
And this is how I know to mend.
What is my life? **** if I know, but a ShitShow you'd pay to attend.
Jul 28, 2015
Jul 28, 2015 at 10:08 PM UTC
If I end this life, will I be trapped in my dreams? They're always soo bad I wake up with a scream. Nightmares so real, they must belong to someone else, or was I awake, and there really is no help.
I sit in my car more alone than ever, with soo many ties I didn't mean to severe. But I shoulder the blame and take the hit, cause that's what yo do, this is ******* man **** Owning the fault I can't make amends, can't believe I lost so many friends.
The rest don't seem real, and with work crashing down, if I can't end my life I should leave this town. But I'm too broke to move with nothing to look towards, so all I can do is ******* write these words.
I'll let the drugs have their way as I put an end to this day, and hope all this ***** in my head. So if I don't wake up, pray my dreams not ****** up; at least I went out in my bed. For as much as I sleep, maybe days it'll be, fore anyone knows that I'm dead.
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 7:30 AM UTC
Behind each drag of my cigarette, I think about the years that I've got left. And where I've gotten (not) so far, I try to drown out, sitting at the bar.
Thinking bout my friend that I just buried, and another who said that he's getting married. All the family drama that's going on, and this chick at the bar that I couldn't take home.
I'm Worried bout my job that's a piece of **** and how I don't have a thing if I ******* lost it.
Then there's this girl that's a perfect fit. Problem is, to her I don't exist.
Except that I do, but just a friend. And so I know will be my end. There's nothing new around the bend. I'd give it all for a chance to mend.
But that's not to be, as cracks run deep. I'd simply settle for some decent sleep. But sow as I may, I'll just never reap, for truth be told, they say I'm a creep.
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 5:54 AM UTC
I can't tell now, if its the *** or the Tears
but I cant see straight, to face my fears.
Of losing my friend of so many years
I know you're not dead, just moving away
but now so much is missing from my day to day;
I still want to call you when plans get made.
Now there's no one left who remembers the days,
when we were more than This and making the grades.
And no more drunken nights of video games.
Now there's no one left who knows what I meant,
when I laugh alone or start talking ****
I'm just out of place / inappropriate.
People ask what I'll do when you're gone.
I crack some joke about your new cheese farm,
to hide the fact that I'm not ready to move on.
I wish you luck and all the best,
but **** you for leaving me in all of this mess!
I didn't mean to get sappy, but you get the jest.
See ya down the road buddy.
Mar 4, 2014
Mar 4, 2014 at 3:40 AM UTC
The fight avoided is already won, but don't count me out another way.
Is it the stronger man that lives with his sins, or he that can call it a day?
The deck is stacked and there's no more begins.
Like Russian Roulette, played fully packed;
The house always wins.
Feb 21, 2014
Feb 21, 2014 at 5:06 AM UTC
Another night I drink myself to sleep.
Don't know what it is, but I know this ain't it.
The uppers and downers drag me to the deep.
I know I need a change from this everyday ****
Through all the smoke and pain,
This problems held in the mirror.
I see it all with the sweet disdain.
Can't help but think of all the times held dearer.
When I think of all that has to give, I wonder what it takes to truly live.
Should I find myself again; would you think to love me then?
Cause if I can't, why should you, and if that's true, what will I do?
If it's not, what did I miss? Cause clearly what you wanted wasn't this.
As I studied the verse and chorus, it would seem your more into the rhythm.
I built my world to include an Us. But it would seem that yours includes a hymn.
At 3am, behind a cig and stiff drink, I can't help but wonder what it is that you think.
If I work toward my dreams, would I be the man that you think of.
After all I've been through, what I want the most really is love.
In my mind, that's you, but what do I know that's true?
While I'm drunk and alone, I sit by the phone, waiting for a sign that is you.
Cause all that I know, says I'm just growing old, and simply put this wont do.
Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 6:52 AM UTC
Another night out and I'm drinking alone, cause no one would join or even answer their phone.
I'll say I had a great time, but I'm The Pretender.
The high point of my night was a shot with the Bar Tender.
With Cig in my left hand, beer in my right, I sit at the bar contemplating my life.
Was it the wrong day of the wrong week? Did I use the wrong method with the wrong technique; choose wrong mix with the wrong speak?
Ignoring the scars by my open wounds, I swear I'll learn my lesson soon.
No matter the lines, You've proven my Fear: You only see reasons why You Can't be here.
Jan 3, 2014
Jan 3, 2014 at 3:47 AM UTC