abs_jords - Hello Poetry

The season has changed the colours are bright the calm sway of a breeze forces leaves to take flight The blanket that comforts the sky leaves frost over thickening blades the crimson bonfire blaze lights the sky for days Pumpkins and apple pies grace October with glee the sweet smoke of burning wood gently caress my fears to free Conkers fall at my feet kissed by natures protective force the mellowed sweetness and starry skies softly lighten winter’s course

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Oct 24, 2017

Oct 24, 2017 at 9:37 AM UTC

Autumn

The season has changed the colours are bright the calm sway of a breeze forces leaves to take flight The blanket that comforts the sky leaves frost over thickening blades the crimson bonfire blaze lights the sky for days Pumpkins and apple pies grace October with glee the sweet smoke of burning wood gently caress my fears to free Conkers fall at my feet kissed by natures protective force the mellowed sweetness and starry skies softly lighten winter’s course

16

I wish I could be free, like a leaf on a tree, falling to the ground I wish I could drift away in the wind far away from the depts of my pain The bruises of knowing that this terror won’t rest sends my brain into fury, my mind a complete mess The outside world frightens me, I’m not brave, I’m not strong I’m lost, I just want to be free This web of fear ignites my thoughts constant, oppressive, it won’t stop it just haunts My daily life torn apart by myself submerged into darkness, consumed by my health As I lie awake at 2am, because I lost the ability to sleep Racing feelings twist and turn around my head I worn, I’m tired, I’m just full of dread You can’t run, you can’t hide You’re always a step behind the panic that builds within my body I’m drowning, you just can’t see it I feel invisible sometimes, completely isolated like the silence will never end I don’t think I can escape I’m to far gone to mend I’m overwhelmed and worthless I can’t do anything right I want to escape, hide away I don’t deserve to the see the light I wonder constantly what people think of me, What they say about me My heart is in my throat, it’s too hard to breathe All I want is to disappear, I’m not allowed to be free I overthink every word, every action I question This demon living inside my head, fuels my depression I’m vulnerable, alone, a failure, a fake All I’m good at is making stupid mistakes This is anxiety at its worst next time you presume I fine Take a minute to understand that inside I’m fighting the eternal curse I live with the hope that I will get better That this fear inside will not last forever

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Oct 23, 2017

Oct 23, 2017 at 11:47 AM UTC

Anxiety

I wish I could be free, like a leaf on a tree, falling to the ground I wish I could drift away in the wind far away from the depts of my pain The bruises of knowing that this terror won’t rest sends my brain into fury, my mind a complete mess The outside world frightens me, I’m not brave, I’m not strong I’m lost, I just want to be free This web of fear ignites my thoughts constant, oppressive, it won’t stop it just haunts My daily life torn apart by myself submerged into darkness, consumed by my health As I lie awake at 2am, because I lost the ability to sleep Racing feelings twist and turn around my head I worn, I’m tired, I’m just full of dread You can’t run, you can’t hide You’re always a step behind the panic that builds within my body I’m drowning, you just can’t see it I feel invisible sometimes, completely isolated like the silence will never end I don’t think I can escape I’m to far gone to mend I’m overwhelmed and worthless I can’t do anything right I want to escape, hide away I don’t deserve to the see the light I wonder constantly what people think of me, What they say about me My heart is in my throat, it’s too hard to breathe All I want is to disappear, I’m not allowed to be free I overthink every word, every action I question This demon living inside my head, fuels my depression I’m vulnerable, alone, a failure, a fake All I’m good at is making stupid mistakes This is anxiety at its worst next time you presume I fine Take a minute to understand that inside I’m fighting the eternal curse I live with the hope that I will get better That this fear inside will not last forever

42

I sat staring into space, My life a mess my mind a state. Listening to this voice in my head, I followed its demand, to destruction I was led ‘Don’t eat’ it said ‘it will make you fat’, therefore I listened and with that, my body became frail, freezing and tired. I was left alone to suffer, broken and battered. ‘Don’t add milk, skip your snack, you don’t need lunch, it will make you fat’. ‘Think about your figure, your stomach your legs, your unworthy already your better of dead’ As weight I lost, my happiness disappeared. Feeling numb was an emotion I began to not fear. Hunger became normal, a comfort a ‘pleasure’ Just throw it away, it will make you look ‘better’. ‘You are disgusting and worthless’, it penetrated my thoughts A disease, an illness harnessed its grip on my mind. Abbi had gone, eyes glazed over, my skin all grey, a corpse I embodied. It pulled me backwards, isolation was key, but the voice didn't care as it was harming me. My mind, my body, soul all blurred into one, a girl that was once happy had completely gone. Anxiety spiralled my life out of control, fooled me in thinking I could still withhold, the anguish, the terror that my eating disorder craved, I wanted nothing more than to finally cave. For too long, I watched others suffer, screaming and shouting ‘just eat, what’s the matter’. A simple comment made me change, ‘STOP killing yourself, you can get through the pain’ So body, I think this is terribly overdue, I’m sorry for putting you in so much pain, abusing you. I began feeding you with food, a nutrient, a need. And with that I started putting on weight, to get healthy, strong, NOT FAT! Guilt was intense, relapse a strong thought I struggled to prevent. But Rex is weak and I am strong, So I keep eating and fighting, I’m not going to respond. My dreams are more important that looking a certain way. I want to live my life without a voice dictating what I do or say. Living rather than dying, happy rather than sad. A simple diction of acceptance, I had to finally grab. Abbi Jordan, 17 years old. In recovery and fighting, 6 months and counting.

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Oct 21, 2017

Oct 21, 2017 at 7:12 AM UTC

Dear Rex

I sat staring into space, My life a mess my mind a state. Listening to this voice in my head, I followed its demand, to destruction I was led ‘Don’t eat’ it said ‘it will make you fat’, therefore I listened and with that, my body became frail, freezing and tired. I was left alone to suffer, broken and battered. ‘Don’t add milk, skip your snack, you don’t need lunch, it will make you fat’. ‘Think about your figure, your stomach your legs, your unworthy already your better of dead’ As weight I lost, my happiness disappeared. Feeling numb was an emotion I began to not fear. Hunger became normal, a comfort a ‘pleasure’ Just throw it away, it will make you look ‘better’. ‘You are disgusting and worthless’, it penetrated my thoughts A disease, an illness harnessed its grip on my mind. Abbi had gone, eyes glazed over, my skin all grey, a corpse I embodied. It pulled me backwards, isolation was key, but the voice didn't care as it was harming me. My mind, my body, soul all blurred into one, a girl that was once happy had completely gone. Anxiety spiralled my life out of control, fooled me in thinking I could still withhold, the anguish, the terror that my eating disorder craved, I wanted nothing more than to finally cave. For too long, I watched others suffer, screaming and shouting ‘just eat, what’s the matter’. A simple comment made me change, ‘STOP killing yourself, you can get through the pain’ So body, I think this is terribly overdue, I’m sorry for putting you in so much pain, abusing you. I began feeding you with food, a nutrient, a need. And with that I started putting on weight, to get healthy, strong, NOT FAT! Guilt was intense, relapse a strong thought I struggled to prevent. But Rex is weak and I am strong, So I keep eating and fighting, I’m not going to respond. My dreams are more important that looking a certain way. I want to live my life without a voice dictating what I do or say. Living rather than dying, happy rather than sad. A simple diction of acceptance, I had to finally grab. Abbi Jordan, 17 years old. In recovery and fighting, 6 months and counting.

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