today its self-hatred
tomorrow its love
maybe I feel overweight
or fall back into old habits of
destruction.
sad nights where I lie and wait for something other than numb,
good nights where I lay with friends laughing over something dumb
Even though the happy emotions come they do not keep the darkness from creeping up behind me and whispering in my ear the old morbid thoughts I always used to hear. then the dark clouds fade away into the brightest day where nothing could ever go wrong until instantly and randomly my moods change. I'm sick of laughing till I cry and crying till I laugh. this illness thinks my life is a game but there's nothing I can do to fight back.
Apr 26, 2019
Apr 26, 2019 at 1:50 AM UTC
Even when we are miles away I will still have the comfort of looking up at the stars knowing that wherever you are we are looking up at the same sky.
Jan 12, 2019
Jan 12, 2019 at 10:15 PM UTC
Dying
is like sleeping,
with no more dreams
to rush inside
and shake you up,
night after night.
And all those
memories you stored
in archive shelves
of blood and bone
will be by then
forever lost.
Jan 5, 2018
Jan 5, 2018 at 3:05 AM UTC
you pushed yourself onto me after school in a hallway
your breathe smelled like like ****
you stroked my hair and asked if i was single while calling me baby girl but I didn't have the power to lie and say no instead a lifeless yes was forced out of my mouth
you an eighteen year old stranger taking advantage of me a fifteen year old. I was only 15 when I was ruined by you. A fifteen year old girl already struggling, a girl who only wanted to go home and cry when you pushed yourself onto me kissing my head, my neck I was paralyzed you pushed me up against those lockers as I pushed back my tears.
Jan 4, 2018
Jan 4, 2018 at 12:07 AM UTC
Used her two fingers to write down her digits
Texted him while she leaned against the bathroom stall
Laughed at his joke while she coughed up her food
Cried because of him when she still wasn’t thin enough
Jan 3, 2018
Jan 3, 2018 at 11:50 PM UTC
P r e t t y p e o p l e
W i t h p r e t t y w o r d s
B u t t h e y a r e u g l y
T h e i r s p e e c h i s s l u r r e d
They never show
Their real emotion
While people watch
Their every motion
Everything they have
Is fake
If they'd notice
They would break
They're living in
A fake reality
They need to wake up
To actuality
We always talk
Behind their backs
If they knew
They would crack
They think we love them
They think they're pretty
But they really don't
Deserve our pity
P r e t t y p e o p l e
W i t h p r e t t y w o r d s
B u t t h e y a r e u g l y
T h e i r s p e e c h i s s l u r r e d
Dec 27, 2017
Dec 27, 2017 at 2:00 PM UTC
I have so many dreams with you in them.
Against my better judgement you find your way in and grace my sleeping subconscious with that amazing smile.
I reach for your hand and it feels so real, so close I can close my fingers and feel home again.
But before my palm touches yours my body shoots me awake like it's saying "don't drink that poison kid it'll only make it worse."
When I see your face I feel my heart and mind leave my body.
My heart runs forward, my mind runs away, and my body is left in the middle wondering why.
Why it had to be this way, when I know why.
What I could've done, when I know there's nothing.
I know it doesn't work that way.
I know I became the most annoying thing on earth to you after you left.
When I freaked out when you wouldn't text back in five minutes.
When I tried too hard to have your attention.
I was left clawing at the door trying to get it open again.
When it was already sealed over with bricks I couldn't break.
The glowing entrance sign's lights died out and in the dark I wept to make noise to keep me sane.
I told the wall I loved it in hopes of hearing it echo back to me if I screamed loud enough.
But here in the fallout of it all, Silence is much more comforting.
Feeling my heartbeat steady to a stop.
The feeling of your lips on mine is long gone but sometimes in those dreams I can almost feel it again and it makes everything else numb.
But before that thought has time to manifest I'm awake.
I wish I didn't have to call those dreams nightmares.
But they hurt so **** much.
Dec 14, 2017
Dec 14, 2017 at 12:05 AM UTC
You went away
It’s my fault.
You hated me
I feel your pain.
You cursed me
I deserve it.
You wanted to **** me
Please, do it. I hate to see you hate me.
Nov 26, 2017
Nov 26, 2017 at 8:50 PM UTC
Take another sip
see what happens
to your family, your friends
Because while you drown in *****
they are drowning in sorrow
and when you remove your lips from that bottle
you do not find
peace, tranquility, happiness
instead you find
regret, anger, and sadness
So tell me why
Why are we addicted to the things that will **** us and pain the outside world
Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 12:18 AM UTC