palms were shaking, reaching for mine
finger tips met, our bodies aligned.
thoughts were obliterated,
the moment was untainted,
breath was so hushed,
cheeks were so flushed,
for just a second you were so close,
then suddenly your love was lost.
and as you slept, so serene
my heart ached and tears rained.
Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 6:47 PM UTC
the irony is plain to see.
i am awake as you sleep.
and in the light i see the world,
you get mad when your coffee is cold.
the darkness harbors your peace,
your dreams cower behind your sleep.
unlike yours, my dreams live.
your world is one that never gives.
while you find safety in your sleep,
i lay awake and softly weep.
for all the anger, fear, and pain,
leaves you when your dreams reign.
and as you oh so sweetly rest,
your demons wreak havoc.
and i am here to see it all,
my pretty peace with sun does fall.
I'm awake far past my turn,
i watch all your bridges burn.
its ironic, im so good at heart.
but im cursed as an insomniac whose afraid of your dark.
Jul 1, 2014
Jul 1, 2014 at 12:21 AM UTC
lights out.
blankets on.
eyes closed.
then there's ME.
lights off,
blankets on,
eyes open.
dreams,
behind closed doors.
they escape,
when the doors flutter open.
then there's ME.
dreams,
guests not captives of sleep.
they escape,
behind closed doors.
Jun 26, 2014
Jun 26, 2014 at 10:32 PM UTC
Three small words,
one huge meaning,
hide on my tongue,
always fleeting.
when i see you they clammer inside,
"Should we introduce our selves? No, lets hide"
They want to meet you,
but they're quite scared
that you won't like them,
and they'll be embarrassed
Maybe someday
They'll be brave
May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 10:40 PM UTC
Pound after wretched pound.
i live on the scale.
the pain in my receding belly becomes comfort.
the mirror tells me I'm fat.
but when i lay curled up in bed,
i feel so small.
so insignificant.
so imperfect.
concern from friends and family,
worried doctors,
they're working against me.
i thought they wanted to help,
but ana whispered the truth in my ear.
they
want
me
fatter.
why else would they shove food at me.
months after i met ana.
I'm thinner.
no, not happy, but im reaching my goal.
she helps me.
she haunts me.
I'm slower. I'm hurting.
I'm never good enough for her.
try harder.
eat less.
If you don't feel fragile,
you're probably fat.
i can't escape her.
I'm so hungry.
I'm so cold.
I'm so alone.
everything makes me angry.
why bother living?
I don't care if I die as long as I'm thin.
The doctors said I might die anyways.
All I have left is ana.
her hold on me is strong.
stronger than me.
being thin is all that matters.
not love.
not life.
not even family.
they just want to make me fat
and I would rather die.
Mar 22, 2014
Mar 22, 2014 at 10:22 PM UTC
the skeletons in my closet
stopped rattling their cracked bones
because now they know they're vanquished.
and I'm not lonely, just alone.
the demons that used to haunt
my once tired, hurting heart
fear my renewed confidence
and from my soul they begin to part.
Mar 22, 2014
Mar 22, 2014 at 9:53 PM UTC
Emptiness consumes me at night,
my soul tends to then hide.
I lay my head down on my pillow,
Soon i weep more than a willow.
His face haunts my demolished heart,
what i held together now falls apart.
First I see what It used to be,
loving hands and words so sweet.
Then i hear what it became,
his voice once loving screams my name.
Anger replaces his love,
another scream and then a shove.
I scream back because I'm hurting,
tears fall and now I'm learning,
a philandering heart cannot be healed,
but I from the truth I did shield.
It's my fault, but he lied,
I hurt him when i yelled, but I'm the one that died.
And when he was in recovery, i loved him,
but my support was too weak, so someone else "helped" him.
The horrors he put me through never leave my head.
After he betrayed me I had wished that I was dead.
Nobody really knew, Nobody understood.
That I would have left him earlier if I thought I could.
I used to cry for him, now Its because of what he did.
Nightmares called to me, everywhere I hid.
In my world he tore a whole,
where he tossed my tattered soul.
Even now, so much later,
He remains my tormentor.
Feb 16, 2014
Feb 16, 2014 at 9:09 PM UTC
There's a deep silence
screaming
pounding at your temples
begging you to **** it.
Smash it with your voice
a simple sigh will do the trick
or maybe laughter.
choose your weapon.
Desperate to die
preparing for impact
silence screams
"I'M READY"
And you're ready too
so you aim
and fire a word
and all to late you see
SILENCE WAS YOU
Jan 1, 2014
Jan 1, 2014 at 10:02 PM UTC
I know the monsters that hide,
Beneath my dreams and bed.
I know they are no match,
For the demons in my head.
Something in me shattered,
long ago when i was small.
It created an abyss,
And in the demons would crawl.
From apartment to apartment,
These demons and i traveled.
They told me i was the death,
Of my own dreams that were unraveled.
These demons, oh! These demons,
Were determined to ruin my health.
And in the 7th grade,
They made me starve myself.
Slowly i began to hate,
Everything i had become.
And the year i sliced my skin,
I knew the demons won.
But that was just a battle,
And i was about to declare war.
Many years I wasted,
In agony and fear.
And I knew from the beginning,
Life wouldn't be so pure.
Now i understand,
That what i have become,
Is fixable with time,
And **** I'm still so young.
Jan 1, 2014
Jan 1, 2014 at 9:46 PM UTC
god **** the way you made me smile.
god **** the way you held me close.
god **** the way you had me falling.
god **** the way you made me love you.
and now, you seem so distant.
and now, you dont even care.
and now, you used me until i was spent.
and now, tears fall among my hair.
Oct 19, 2013
Oct 19, 2013 at 11:42 PM UTC