even though, deep down, i knew
smoking a single cigarette shouldn’t stain my soul with sin
but it does
but it did
drinking one, downing two, drowning three glasses of wine shouldn’t seem like satan’s communion
but it does
but it did
i thought i could get to know you, now that it shouldn’t hurt
but it does
but it did
you disappeared due to disease you didn’t think would **** you
but it did
but it did
Oct 9, 2025
Oct 9, 2025 at 7:47 PM UTC
I'm too afraid to say it
'cause that would make it real
I don't want anyone to worry,
it's really no big deal
and if you get concerned
then don't ask me how I feel
because I am choking on summer sun much too hot,
and I am dying in Arizona on a Sunday night
and I am dancing on a tabletop in a bar
and I am stealing a drag from secondhand smoke
and I won't say the word that I know is true
It's too big a mouthful
And if I can't handle it, how could you?
May 20, 2025
May 20, 2025 at 8:14 AM UTC
I am planning for a future that doesn't yet exist
I have calculated salaries I don't have
morgages for homes I don't own
hospital bills I don't yet need
I'm not sure if I have ever existed in the moment
At least,
Not this moment and not the next
I wish I could stay in my bed all day
A small patter of rain, a moment of peace, without boredom
I fail, of course,
I always seem to continue with my other plan
I keep my head down low
I keep myself shrunk into a sliver, barely a slice of a shadow
And I wonder why I'm not happy
And I wonder why nothing ever happens
And I wonder why I feel guilty all the time
May 6, 2025
May 6, 2025 at 8:42 AM UTC
I'm just
SO TIRED OF MOVING!
I could barely bring myself to
pack up my toothbrush
it has been sitting in the same orange mug
for months now and
I need to move it?
my shampoo is now zipped away in a plastic baggy
and my hair ties strangle my brush
all that remains are my
pyjamas and tomorrow's clothes.
How quickly it all can change
one day I was
settling in, welcomed by a hug and
one day I was only,
eating dinner with you, made vegetarian for me and
one day I was alone at home and it was all okay and now
I need to move?
I hope you wish I could stay as much as I want to
I hope you think about me at dinner where there is no plate or cup
I hope when you walk past my door you get a
bittersweet smile
and you think about me for a few seconds of time
I now I will think about you each time they
do something slightly off
a little
too different than you would
and I
WANT TO GO HOME
I've been gone for far too long
(!)
but that would mean I need to
PACK IT ALL UP
and GET ON A PLANE
and it's just a little while longer
hold on sweetie, hold on
Apr 4, 2025
Apr 4, 2025 at 2:18 PM UTC