sometimes i dream
of stained glass windows and the setting sun, gleaming.
of coffee and shared silence in a kitchen, messy.
of fingers laced and rain pouring steadily, sweetly.
of ***** clothes and dust, books that barely fit on the shelf.
sometimes i imagine
the water running.
your face in the mirror.
steam clouding over.
sometimes i wish
for night to be less lonely,
for morning to be lively,
for the day to feel too short,
sometimes.
Mar 20, 2023
Mar 20, 2023 at 12:08 AM UTC
shame used to bleed out of me
vulnerability an open wound
i desperately tried to hide
until i found i could stand it no longer
and buried the emotion behind smiles and laughter
acting as though i hide nothing in my heart
Feb 10, 2023
Feb 10, 2023 at 2:11 PM UTC
sometimes
the point
isn’t that i will be okay.
sometimes
the point
is that right now
im not.
Sep 19, 2022
Sep 19, 2022 at 12:31 AM UTC
i think i’ve realized i don’t like living alone.
maybe what i was seeking was just a sense of peace. the quiet that comes with it is oppressive most days.
i think what i really want is the feeling of being near someone without it feeling like a battle,
without having to claw my way through anxiety.
where the self doesn’t seek to move it just stays content in the space with another person
to feel complete in my own skin
bare, unafraid.
May 10, 2022
May 10, 2022 at 4:59 PM UTC
i am starting to think it won’t ever go away
the foundation has been laid too strong
sunken deep, bricks piled upon years
the feeling of my skin is distant from inside
untethered to my being
returns each night to lay itself across my body, smothering
i wrap myself in it like a cloak
close my eyes, breathe in the familiar weight
Apr 13, 2022
Apr 13, 2022 at 12:38 AM UTC
I don’t want to just be a respite for other people’s emotions
To only feel worthy when in service
But I don’t know where or how to draw the boundary
Struggling with each stab of guilt
When I ignore my instincts towards another’s pain
Empathy is a skill I built out of necessity to survival
I perhaps think I should not have made it so sharp
Dec 17, 2021
Dec 17, 2021 at 11:38 PM UTC
The anger must first be acknowledged before it will subside.
Dec 17, 2021
Dec 17, 2021 at 11:23 PM UTC
A mirror, a duplicate
The image of myself preserved inside
My minds eye, as I wonder
If what I see is what is visible
Not two halves but two forms
The truth, or is it only perceived
As an upheld expectation
Lifted higher than the sun
Brought close to my chest
Dec 17, 2021
Dec 17, 2021 at 11:16 PM UTC
fragile and out of place
taking a breath and your chest is too big
the air doesn’t reach your lungs
and the world feels infinitely large
but contained within you swelling
it’s quiet inside, underneath
the clamoring shouting voices silent, still
you feel weightless
you feel solid
you feel peaceful
Oct 13, 2021
Oct 13, 2021 at 10:46 PM UTC
am i being too quiet?
am i responding like i should?
do you find me distracting or frustrating and distant?
did i say that right? or was it too much?
if i stopped saying anything would it be then enough?
is my hair in my face?
my outfit out of place?
does it matter i don’t look the way i feel like i should?
did i get it wrong this time?
did i get it right?
why is the compulsion for judgement so strong
is there meaning in this?
do you even care?
if ended tomorrow would the stars come and see?
have seen how you move?
have you felt why you cry?
do you wish for anything or to just say goodbye?
Oct 13, 2021
Oct 13, 2021 at 2:09 PM UTC