It's funny that I want you so bad but you disgust me at the same time.
You could never be mine.
I could never allow that.
You hurt me,
confuse me,
and then want me to come running back to you when you need me.
But I don't need you....
...though my heart tells me I do.
I know you're bad for me,
and yet it's you I think about in every passing thought,
in every quiet dream,
and in every lingering fantasy.
May 30, 2019
May 30, 2019 at 8:15 AM UTC
All I feel is a whole lot of empty.
Nothingness.
And you don't understand how overwhelming that is.
I need everything to stop,
just for a while so I can regain my sanity.
But it doesn't.
Everything keeps going and I don't have a second to gain control.
So I spin out.
May 30, 2019
May 30, 2019 at 8:07 AM UTC
Who loves me?
No one perhaps.
But you loved me,
And now you're gone.
I reminisce on times past
as I sit here all alone.
You would smile at me and tell me things
Like our love was greater than life.
But now I know
and now I see
That it couldn't have been,
for you're not here with me.
May 24, 2019
May 24, 2019 at 5:12 PM UTC
I was dizzy,
And I mourned.
I've never seen you that way.
The sky was blue and the sun was bright ,
Just like the day we got the news.
You really were the sunshine of our life.
You always will be.
May 24, 2019
May 24, 2019 at 3:41 PM UTC
I was so innocent.
And you took that from me.
I was so happy.
And you took that from me.
I was so confused,
And you made me believe-
that no other man would ever love me.
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 2:21 PM UTC
We were all broken-
but that was nothing new.
Nevertheless,
we continued to fight.
All of us had different mechanisms.
Mines was the worst.
I tried to swallow my pain
and somehow I always ended up choking.
Or vomiting up all the "I'm fine" and "I'm just tired" excuses...
but they kept me whole.
They kept me in charge of myself.
They also kept me broken.
But that was nothing new...
for I've always been that way.
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 12:29 PM UTC
I just wanted to take a moment,
and think about the times,
the memories,
the joys.
Before I was broken.
Before you ruined me.
Before my heart broke.
When I was healed.
My life was far from perfect,
but I was going to be alright.
Until I met you.
You were the best worse thing that has ever happened to me.
You filled me up
and then emptied me out.
But it was you.
So what could I say?
You changed me.
But what could I do when all I wanted was you??
And it's crazy because even though I know you're not good for me
I still want you.
Right now I want you more than ever.
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 12:24 PM UTC
My life.
My aching bones.My ****** hands.My bleeding heart.
When did this begin for me? When did I become this person?
When did this person....become me??
And then I stop and think...
and this person was there all along,
written in the selfishness of my heart and the weakness of
My soul.
Yeah, this person was there all along.
But it wasn't me.
This is not who I want to be.
This is not who I am deep inside.
Inside I'm this caring amazing person...but you will never see her.
I will never see her,
Because I don't know if shes there anymore.
I've been consumed by my own evilness and left with nothing but pain,
My aching bones, my ****** hands, and my bleeding heart.
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 12:09 PM UTC
I let you control me as long as I could take.
I never let myself get out of your sight,
hiding behind the fact that you wanted the best for me.
Somehow this was all in love and I just couldn't see that until I got older.
But you hurt me.
You went out of your way to hurt me when we had just started over.
You ruined me and everything we could've been.
And it's my fault for letting everyone I love go.
It's my fault for being the one that got away.
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 12:05 PM UTC
I hate the rain.
It’s been raining all day and each drop tears me up
a little more.
When I think of rain, I think of regrets…
because I start remembering-
everything.
From back to when I didn’t have memories…
to now.
And now my mind is too full of them.
I remember leaving that building and sitting in that car.
You were there, well,
Back then you were.
I remember you standing right in front of me.
Sometimes I think if I just visualize the moment enough I can
reach back and pull you out of it.
And maybe then you would still be here.
With me.
But that’s just mere wishing isn’t it?
Because you’re gone and you're never going to come back.
And everyone says it’s for the good but how good could it be if you
ended up leaving me anyway?
Just like I thought you would.
And from a young age that was my fear
Of being left behind-
Because I never wanted to be alone.
I never wanted to be alone.
But you were standing there and the look on your
face said it all.
It told me that it was all over.
And not even just that,
It told me that you were disappointed.
That I had failed somehow.
And I think that’s what hurt the most.
Because that was all.
I don’t remember what you said to me.
I don’t remember what you did after that.
But
Oh, do I remember the rain so clearly.
And that look where your eyes wrinkled and your nose stiffened.
And my stomach hurt.
And the rain was pouring around us as you stared at me.
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 12:01 PM UTC