My syndrome is a trigger
My mood swings, the gun
Victim, prey and dear
Is my poor head
Carrying the basket of an emotional rollercoaster
One without all the fun
With recurrent depressive episodes
Haunting day and nights
Visiting me fortnightly
Dragging me to the edge of losing it all
In addition, not a single person around me
Knows how it actually feels to feel this way
My episodes are just a show
They have all watched on repeat
Without knowing and understanding
As a standby on the road
Of my moods dragging me to the abyss
Flashes of anger bursting like crackers
And I cover myself
Sit like a baby protecting myself from the harm
I cause to self
When anger is chasing me
As if we are playing bandhi chain
I, the last person to catch
My mood swings seem this desperate
I lose my calm too often
Find me into a pond of tears
My mind becomes a maze
All the endings closed
I struggle, I shout and cry
Hopelessly!
The window of opportunity
I have to create
Started building a castle of health
Hope in heart
To finish and relax in my castle
One day with peace.
Oct 9, 2020
Oct 9, 2020 at 3:11 AM UTC
I strip in front of my boyfriend
Every now and then
Not in a way you are imagining
I do not undress
Rather I unzip my jacket of emotions
Which has been keeping me cold
Even in the summer
Uncovering my weird dark thoughts
About suppression of woman
He did not deny the existence
I take off my clothes of silly questions
Tricking him to satiate my hunger
Of how terrific I am
Sometimes, there is nothing left
On my body
I get as naked I can with him
Throwing myself in the tub of truths
As I like being that way with him
Naked, upfront and honest
Wearing stained clothes
Makes me uncomfortable myself
I would rather be there
With him without anything
Than with something that stinks
Jul 9, 2020
Jul 9, 2020 at 1:56 PM UTC
My darkness isn't my enemy anymore
We talk during the day about my issues
By night we find solutions to it
That no more ends with a plan
Including jumping, acids, medicines or pillow
My darkness taught me to fight
With its own relatives at times
It doesn't support more exhaustion
Certainly, it wants me to grow
Now that it has been there for a decade maybe
We have found peace in each other
Bonding over anger, anxiety, day of depression
Finally, there is a mutual relationship of trust
Not leaving other's side
Rather guide to lead to a better path
I lend my darkness a hand in being in control
And it teaches me
How to overcome it in easy steps
We are not friends, not even enemies
Just stuck together for years
And now we have learnt to live together
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 8:37 AM UTC
The longest tale I have
Or the air I breathe
While having anxiety
And the soul that
Understand the inner me
Is the one that of yours
My wheelchair when I
Fall and cannot walk,
Supporting since childhood
Tolerating the teenage
Nonsense and teaching
To grow into a human
Inbetween everything
You turned out
To be my BAE
A decade full of
Love, support
Annoyance, tolerance
Fight, hate and
Misunderstanding
You have become my
Next door family,
When I run out of
Hope, love and life
You hotspot me the
Energy to be me
Your friendship is my
Lifeboat in the ocean
And you are
My lifeguard on
The coast of life
The love I have
For you is more
Than the sleeping eight
May 29, 2020
May 29, 2020 at 7:35 AM UTC
I become a ticking time bomb
Right when my mood swings
Starts to play hide and seek with me
It shows up at my doorstep
Enters without even a ring
I am not afraid of it not knocking
Before entering my sacred space
For the person I become after
My mood swings play with me
Like I am a Voodoo doll to it
Moulding me into shapes or figures
That will hurt me and leave a scar
Drives me like it's favourite car on road
Just with one not so decent surprise
It drives me with alcohol brimming out
Certainly, I am vicariously liable for all
Although, there is no time leash
Mood swings leave the home
When it has done enough damage
Sometimes even beyond repair
Tying my hands tight with remorse
That I am unable to mend
I am out of control
When my mood swings kick in
As soon as I calm down after its departure
My real life and damage
Starts to punch in my gut real bad
I am in an endless struggle with it.
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 9:22 AM UTC
The mere apprehension of danger
From self and not a stranger
Where you lose yourself at times
When mood swings are favorite rhymes
You sink deep into the emotion
With a placard on face of CAUTION
Falling in the lap of tears
In front of others is one of the fears
Escaping the happiest blanket
To meet the bareness of blue ambit,
Teaching to master in an art
How to push people or grow apart
As the danger is greater for latter
Their emotions and peace matter
Than the one to lose after episodes
Of relieving and throwing my own loads
On their heads for no reason
Caging them in my own prison
It is time to set them all free
As they got to live their own glee.
May 21, 2020
May 21, 2020 at 4:07 PM UTC