Why do I do this
Why do I do this to myself
I see you moving on it hurts
I want you back in my arms again
Even though you left me paralyzed
You see me as a friend
I see you as a life I'll never have
I try make amends
But you push them away
Leaving me in pain
I don't know why I try
I just think I'd rather die if I can't have you by my side
Lately I've been feeling all alone
cause you left me broken
Yea I still have my soul
But it doesn't replace your love
Why do this
Why do I do this to myself
May 27, 2020
May 27, 2020 at 5:01 PM UTC
How could you do this?
How could you do this?
Now I don't mean to come off like I'm obsessing about you
But I obsessively obsess about the things I've done
Remember back when I said I'm sorry?
Told you I felt like a drain
Told you I felt like I cause pain
Well now I'm back again
Let me apologize for apologizing
I don't really think before I say stuff
You probably gonna look at this like "this *****
But that's okay I don't really need your opinions, I'm growing up
But I need to know
What I do wrong?
Hey, hey, hey!
What I do wrong?
Ye I know I apologise alot
But that's just my thoughts
I know I can be kinda obsessive and possessive
I know I can be kinda emotional
I know loving me can be a struggle
I swear I'm getting better though
Got a therapist and I'm getting back on my meds
Maybe they can fix my head
Maybe they can get rid of the dread
Maybe they can explain why I want to be dead
This isn't a pity party
I'm just telling you what's going on inside of my head
Hey, hey, hey!
What I do wrong?
Remember back when you said you loved me
Said you weren't ready for a relationship
But you could own me
That made me feel kinda funny
Like I was just a little play toy
Like I was nothing more to you than a quick fix
I see you got a new sub
I still hope they'll be better than me
I still wish nothing but the best
But I gotta know
What I do wrong?
Hey, hey, hey!
What I do wrong?
Sometimes I wish you'd leave me alone
But then you message me and I just can't let go
See you feeling kinda depresso
Hit you up like "hey, what's wrong, can I help you?"
I guess that's just my deepest fear
That I can't save you
I think it comes from some previous life trauma
Think I'm afraid to loose
Cause I lost my mama
Not to death but to my self hatred
Hit her up like
Hey, hey, hey!
What I do wrong?
May 27, 2020
May 27, 2020 at 4:59 PM UTC
I don't know why I can't, seem to find happiness for myself
I've tried so hard to love
But I always push away
Afraid to get attached
It hurts deep inside, feels like I'm dyin'
But I mask my feelings
Pretend to be happy all the time
I'd give anything to be content
**** I hate this feeling
The dread inside
Drives me to suicide
And I don't wanna let you go
So the only way is to die
I'll dig my own grave tonight
Burry myself
Then I'll be free from the thoughts inside
May 27, 2020
May 27, 2020 at 4:58 PM UTC
Ooh I, think about suicide
Ooh I, wanna ******* die
This pain inside my brain
It's driving me insane
Ooh I, think about suicide
Ooh I, wanna ******* die
This pain inside my brain
It's driving me insane
Driving me insane
I, ******* hate this life
I, fantasize about my knife
It's, gonna be alright
If, I, slice tonight
If I commit
Please just leave me in a ditch
Look me in the eye,
What am I?
A monster at best,
Murderer at worst,
I must confess
I am a mess,
Maybe I am a curse
I do not know what I am,
But happy is not one of them
Ooh I, think about suicide
Ooh I, wanna ******* die
This pain inside my brain
It's driving me insane
Ooh I, think about suicide
Ooh I, wanna ******* die
This pain inside my brain
It's driving me insane
Driving me insane
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 10:50 PM UTC
You make me wanna overdose
And put myself in comatose
Make me wanna take these pills right here beside my bedside table
I've been trying to get over you but everytime I close my eyes your right here next to me
Everytime I go to sleep your in my dreams
I swear your ghost is hunting me
And I know you hate me
But it's driving me crazy
Wondering where you've been lately
Driving me crazy
Wondering how've you been lately
Ok you proved your point
You make me wish I was dead
Got me thinking maybe I should shoot myself through the head
And ever since you left me I've been reading through our messages
Scrolling through our history
I wonder if you miss me
You may have left me but I'm still holding on to you
Looking for a clue of where you might be
Maybe your still watching over me
Making sure I'm alright
But I am not fine tonight
And I know you hate me
But it's driving me crazy
Wondering where you've been lately
Driving me crazy
Wondering how've you been lately.
Sometimes I lay in bed and wonder if your being fed by someone new
By someone cool
You make me think I was just a tool
You make me think I'm a fool
Cause I'm lost without you
Maybe youlm'll come back someday
And set me free from these chains of misery
But until then I'll sit here waiting for you
And I know you hate me
But it's driving me crazy
Wondering where you've been lately
Driving me crazy wondering how've you been lately
Driving me crazy
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 10:47 PM UTC
Yea! Ok uh-huh
I know the roads hard
You lost and trying to find yourself
Wanna grab the shard
Seems like the lights so far away
Every day it's a struggle
Can't find a reason to breathe
Eyes gone and you can't see
Wanna take the pills, wanna OD
Gonna set yourself free
Let it all go
Cause your broke inside (cause you're broke inside)
Looking for a reason to stay
But everything looks gray
The stress is getting to me
and I will admit, I am not ready
Not ready to face the demons of society
That's too much anxiety
Thoughts overwhelming and I just wanna sleep
But I sit here, letting the tears flow as I weep
***** scary and I don't wanna take a peep
but to find your light in the dark you gotta dig deep
Deeper than the ocean, deeper than the sea
Deeper than anything you wanna be
(CRAZY GOOD INSTRUMENTAL SOLO)
But life can be a scary thing
SO!
Lock the doors
I'm staying inside of my room
Feeling full of gloom
and my faith is doom
My happiness is consumed
I feel the hand of despair
Man this life just isn't fair
Struggling to breathe I need more air
But I don't wanna pay the fare
To go somewhere,
where I don't need to be aware
Reach this peace I find it there
You know that magic has a cost
But for me, it's lost
So help me find the reason
'Cause right now my mind screams treason
Tonight we win
Tonight we sing
Cause you and me
We'll defeat the enemy
Hold my hand you'll see
We'll make it be alright
Tonight we win
Tonight we sing
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 10:46 PM UTC
(Pre-lude)
(Talking)I see you moving on and it hurts, but I know it's my fault, could've done better... should've tried harder... I'm a better person now ... I love you...and I'm sorry for everything...I never meant to hurt you...
(Verse 1)
Moving real fast we jumped right into it, moving real fast no questions ask, please be mine I'm lonely,
Change myself for you, I'm not perfect but I'll make myself everything you need, just give me a chance I'm begging for your love. Come back to me, come back, where are you, I'm asking myself is this destiny, no I think it's just me, pretty ****** up in the head, please don't yell at me I might just get anxiety, just like variety I might switch up on you, I'm mad, I'm sad and I'm bad.
(Verse 2)
Marching on with bipolar disorder I'mma soilder, tonka tuff, but I get a little overwhelmed when you talk to me, dunno what to say I freeze, got told to just be me, But all I see, is everything I will never be, anxiety, ******* with my mc when I step on the mic, I try to spit it, but ocd making me go craz-y gotta rhyme every single ******* line, gotta say everything on time otherwise noones gonna like it, it's gotta have the flow, gotta sound hella dope.
(Verse 3)
Being in love with you is kinda bad for my health, I hide my feelings cause I don't wanna talk about it undercover stealth...
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 10:45 PM UTC
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain,
Whether it's alcohol to numb the pain,
Or lead to end it all,
I don't know anymore,
Maybe I should take some Adderall
Cause the voices in my head got me contemplating suicide,
One voice telling me to overdose on triple c
Another one telling me to just drink Hennessy
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain,
Ever since you left me I've been different,
Got me ******* pessimistic,
Cause you left me with nothing to hope for
You didn't just close the door,
You slammed it in my face
Got me wishing I could erase
the memories
Wish I never ******* met you.
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain
Now isn't it just silly that your playing this game?
We used to be perfect
Now I'm about to be ****** suspect
Maybe we can reconnect
Before the voices take effect
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain.
Was I just a test subject
An object to neglect?
A reflect from your ex?
I'm insane,
wanna take ten shots to the brain.
Sep 29, 2017
Sep 29, 2017 at 12:08 PM UTC
listen to me, in the time I've known you I've come to love everything about you. From your smile to your personality, from your attitude(that's a reference to your fighting spirit cause your still alive BTW) to your caringness. There's not a single thing I or someone else don't like about you. I bet someone is willing to spend all their money for you and you know what they wouldn't care because in their mind that's money well spent. Someone is willing to do anything and everything for you. **** they'd **** myself if it meant letting you live.
I've been through a lot in my life. I've lost quite a few friends to suicide and the one thing I've learned is that all they wanted was help. You have people who want to help. You have people who love and care about you, I'm one. Not only do we care we care deeply for and about you. I'm not giving you an ultimatum because I could never do that to someone I love. I just want you to think about how much it would hurt me and your friend and all the other people you've met and inspired. You did that? Now think how it would feel to you if your killed himself or herself. That doesn't feel to good, I know it doesn't because that's how I've feel many times. I may not know you as well as your best friend but I know you care about other people. This time though you need to care for yourself. Take a moment and just think about me and your friend and if it helps a third friend as well.
You've done that? I bet you feel happy right? Now think of all the good times you've had with then. Lastly I want you to think of your life goal. How would you achieved that if your dead?
Nov 9, 2016
Nov 9, 2016 at 12:01 PM UTC
*So your feeling down? Your feeling like you are nothing? See everyone has a thing called self esteem, it's how you feel about yourself, but a shocking 85% of people suffer from low self esteem. A disease where you have no confidence in yourself. Here's the thing YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Margaret Wolfe Hungerford once said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" now I want you to think about everything you think of as imperfect or a flaw in yourself.
Ok? Now think about this, to someone that stuff is either non existent or what makes you perfect to them. This makes me feel better about myself already how about you?
Now I want you to think about everybody you've ever said hi t without them saying hi first, you could have been there rock, there reason to live all from saying hi. Have you ever looked at an ok drawing or painting and said "Wow this belongs in a museum." Do you remember how you felt, pretty good right like a surge of joy? You are beautiful and you are perfect to someone*
Nov 8, 2016
Nov 8, 2016 at 10:03 AM UTC