Breathless..
I could hardly breathe
Gasping desperately for truth.
My naked soul stood trembling,
Beaten & bruised.
My heart lays there in pieces.
In such a vulnerable state.
I stare out into the world,
Do loving people still exist?
Searching for answers.
I stumbled upon some angels.
Love, patience, kindness.
Those were the angels characteristics.
I got to feel understood & loved.
Ointment put unto my wounds.
Directed through the mystery of love.
Am I prone to misery though?
Misery somehow finds me wherever I go.
People throw these little arrows at my heart.
I try to shield myself but I'm much too weak.
There's all these holes and scars on my soul.
Too tired to speak up anymore.
The sadness in the silence interrupts my peace.
Breathless...
I'm gasping for truth that I fear I will never find.
Feb 28, 2018
Feb 28, 2018 at 4:52 PM UTC
Her eyes opened from the deep sleep,
She panicked...
Her body was wrapped in what felt like clear plastic wrap.
Trying to breathe, but she was Suffocating
How long have I been walking around like this?
She wasn't powerless though.
Wrestling, she managed to tear the cocoon that entangled her.
Gasping... she emerged out and took a deep breath in.
Alive, shes alive.
Stepping out of the cocoon, she smiled.
Knowing she was free.
She knew now she could fly.
She is me and I am her.
Soar my dear, you're alive.
Alive.
Feb 16, 2018
Feb 16, 2018 at 1:08 AM UTC
It's about time people open their eyes.
Look around to the tradegy of the epedimic
of victims walking around among us.
How many more people do we have to lose to suicide before we take more action to stop this.
Not because you have a sister, mother or daughter.
Because she's a person. A human being with worth.
Stop sweeping these things under a rug.
There's no rug big enough to cover the
damage that is caused by abuse.
1 in 3 women are survivors of ****** assault.
How are we not outraged by this number?!
We hear of some of the brave ones who
dare to speak the evil that they have endured.
But why do we still so rarely hear of the perpetrators & them taking the responsibility for their actions.
It's like we have this deadly virus sweeping the world and people think they can just keep ignoring it.
I'm tired of hearing victims being told not to speak the details of the harm done to them because it's just too hard for others to hear.
Maybe you need to hear the brutal truth and
sit with your discomfort.
There's way too many of us walking around
carrying these burdens alone.
Times up on living in denial.
Because what men fear the most about going
to prison is what women fear most
walking down the street alone.
Time needs to stop running out for the victims of ****** assault that have the choice taken away from them.
Time needs to run out for those that think they can just keep getting away with this.
Yes, we are survivors.
But when is it going to stop being so **** hard for us to keep surviving.
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 4:04 PM UTC
Dear God,
Can you hear my prayers?
I've been crying out to you for years.
The loneliness I feel is like a black hole.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere,
not even in my own body.
Do you understand my pain?
Please will you hold me tight.
Tell me everything's going to be ok.
I yearn for a father's love that is a
source of comfort not confusion.
A safe love.
Why didn't you protect me?
I know we live in a world of freewill
But how could you sit back and watch a child
get used and abused.
It doesn't make sense to me.
I have so many questions...
I'm really sad.
I feel broken.
My internal world feels branded.
People don't understand me.
I don't understand me.
I'm tired of this fog.
Please lift this veil of shame from my face.
Please do something.
Help me escape this inner hell.
I want to be free.
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 12:53 PM UTC
Hello you,
That girl I see in the mirror.
You are much too hard on yourself.
Don't you see how precious you are?
Why do you keep hurting yourself so much.
I know you're in an immense amount of pain.
But you didn't cause all this.
I repeat...
You did NOT cause this.
Please stop blaming yourself.
You did not ask to be sexually abused, not with your body, not with your smile & not with your lack of words.
A child doesn't hold responsibility for an adults actions.
Your silence makes sense, you were scared & confused.
If he's done this to others it's not your fault.
Do you hear me? Not your fault.
Stop carrying around all this shame that isn't yours to carry.
No wonder your heart feels so heavy.
I know you stared straight at me and said you give up, that you no longer will allow another human being into your heart.
You don't mean that. You are hurting.
There are safe people out in the world.
And I want you to know that even when you can't look at the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark until you are ready to come out.
Just don't give up.
Brighter days are coming.
Allow others to hold hope for you when you've run dry of your own hope.
The truth eventually will set you free.
It will.
Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 3:02 PM UTC
I can't be who you want me to be.
You see, I'm just me.
I tried to be what they wanted of me.
But my soul, it was dying.
You don't get to call the shots that way.
I have this life to live.
It's beautiful & painful.
And it's mine.
My life.
My choices.
I've been silenced.
But guess who's learning to speak up now.
Oh darling.. speak your truth even if your voice shakes.
You don't owe anyone anything.
Love that unique being that you are.
You are good just as you are <3
Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 3:05 AM UTC
They keep trying to knock me down.
But I'm a warrior.
I'm stronger then they all think.
Their blows hurt & knock me down.
Sometimes I can only crawl but I keep moving forward & get right back up.
This time I know my strengths & weaknesses.
I'm determined.
I come prepared for battle.
I wear the helmet of love, the shield of compassion, the sword of connection & the belt of truth.
I breathe in determination & exhale all the lies.
This time I know my worth & my truth.
You may not understand my story or experience
But this time I sure as hell won't let you captivate me into a cage... nope.
Last time I allowed others to hold a key to my heart.
Now I know better.
I'm best friends with that little girl within me.
I'm gentle & loving with her.
I protect her and show her she has everything she needs right within her.
Though the storms try to drown us, we will prevail.
People used to be the storms in my life that knocked me down & threw me around.
Now I am the Storm.
My anger is the thunder & lightening.
The rain is my tears that water my soul.
I also shine sunshine, lots of it.
The mixture creates a rainbow.
A rainbow which that little girl within me runs around & dances in the rain.
This time the choice is mine.
I am warm and sunny but be afraid of my wrath.
For this time I know my battle is not against myself.
Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 10:28 PM UTC
I smile, and do what I'm told.
I'll be what you want me to be.
Can you see the emptiness behind my sparkling eyes?
The sparkles aren't real, they are from tears.
I don't have a choice but to keep surviving.
This mind of mine is deeper than most dare to swim.
People tried to swim with me but they end up drowning under the crashing waves.
They blame me....
If only they could see I didn't cause these tsunamis with in my soul.
You swam against the tide for a short while with me and gave up.
I've been swimming against those crashing waves most my life.
You panic and shove me down under the water to save yourselves.
Maybe if you can't see me then you won't have to deal with trying to save me.
I hold onto whatever debris I find floating in the ocean. I'm a fighter. I'll keep swimming.
I'll keep grasping for air.
Just because you close your eyes and pretend not to see me drowning doesn't mean I'm not dying right in front of you.
I can't make the waves stop but I can learn to surf them and appreciate the beauty of the journey.
For I will get to shore one day.
I will stand firm on my own 2 feet one day.
Watch me... with or without you.
I will rise above this.
Sep 14, 2017
Sep 14, 2017 at 9:51 PM UTC
You lost your right to be my father the moment you decided to sexually abuse me.
You don't even know the turmoil you have stirred up in my soul.
Do you sleep at night?
Because I don't, I lay awake in my confusion.
Wishing my reality was different.
You don't know what it's like to live with this.
If my own father couldn't love me, who will?
You took so ******* much from me.
You stole my innocence.
You made me feel tainted.
You made me fear trusting anyone.
Such deep rooted betrayal.
I finally understand I'm not the ******* up one.
You are.
I hope you get the help & support you need.
But right now I don't want you in my life.
I don't owe you anything.
You owe me a whole heck of a lot.
Starting out with an apology.
You weren't the father you should of been.
So you don't deserve the wonderful daughter I could be to you.
You know what I want?
I want your ******* lingering sensations gone from my body.
I want you out of my head.
I want you out of my nightmares.
I want you out of my heart, soul & mind.
You are like a pollution that keeps suffocating me.
I'm going to cleanse my soul from your toxins.
Your violence is inexcusable.
But my love over powers your violence.
Love is the answer.
I am loved.
I am worthy.
I am enough.
I will keep shining light on this darkness.
Sep 14, 2017
Sep 14, 2017 at 9:48 PM UTC
She's one of those beautiful mysterious ones.
The one that has absolutely no clue just how radiating she is.
Quiet but always thinking.
When she does speak her intelligence & eloquence flows out.
Kindness that melts your heart.
Her humor catches you by surprise.
That smile of hers fills the room with a force of enchantment.
I wish she could see what I see.
That she's not a **** among flowers.
But that she's a ******* beautiful rose bush.
Powerful with its twirling roots under ground.
Those thorns.. a force to be reckoned with.
She is like a closed rose bud hiding away.
But my God when she opens up and blooms.
You get blessed to see her for all the magnificent beauty that she is.
Full of color. A rarity.
Like a galaxy full of shooting stars.
I wish she could see what I see.
Sep 14, 2017
Sep 14, 2017 at 9:44 PM UTC