Everyday I knit a new row.
Needle moving back and forth in a familiar rhythm.
Arms outstretched as I hold my work in front of me.
Mesmerized by my plethora of mistakes.
I unravel the lines I knit today and yesterday, further and further till the spool of my lifespan is fully untangled in front of me.
I knit and knit until I put my work down and go to rest.
When I wake I knit a new row.
Holding my work out I see a pattern I know well.
Holes and gaps.
I unravel and redo, unravel and redo.
I'll do the same today, tommorow and overmorrow.
My yarn forever tainted with mistakes.
Every improvement doesn't last long.
One step forward three steps back.
1d ago
Jun 3, 2026 at 2:01 AM UTC
Hear lies waffle.
Arms crossed,
Body rotting,
Flies gathering.
In life, pupils widening till the iris turned to void.
Hair floats away in the wind, falling from scalp.
Bags growing exponentially, under his eyes, emotional too.
Skin withers away till bones become visible.
In death much the same.
From ghost to ghost.
From death to death.
Lay down in the death bed you've always kept warm.
Rest in misery, as it's all you've known.
May 26
May 26, 2026 at 4:18 PM UTC
Pain chose me, now I choose it.
I'm dying, but don't reach out.
I know I am.
I'm choosing it.
Everyday it hurts.
It hurts so bad.
The pain of relief hurts the most.
Because that builds hope that maybe I won't hurt.
But I do.
I will.
But I'm not running from it,
I run towards it.
I no longer pick up the pieces that have cracked off.
I stand on them.
Let the ghost of myself hurt me too.
Knowing that one version of me would hate the current me.
I don't care how much blood I lose,
I'll feed myself to your beautiful petals as your thorns slit my wrists.
I won't wilt away,
You'd hate that.
No instead I'll die with a smile,
One that won't drop because then you'd know the love you have for me is just love for a corpse.
I don't choose me.
I choose pain.
So bring it on.
I'll hurt so long as you never frown.
May 23
May 23, 2026 at 5:54 PM UTC
For many years I waited.
Till I got brave,
Till people kinder,
Till life got easier.
But I've realized,
That me that will be better?
That's still me, just in six months.
Those people that will be kinder?
That's still the people I've always known.
Life will be hard,
So let it be.
Don't wait for the elevator that will never come.
Take the stairs.
Do the hard thing now.
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 3:04 PM UTC
Words flow through my mind.
Stringing together to form thoughts.
Articulating them on this page,
Whether with words or shapes,
As poems or drawings.
Feather freshly dipped into the inkpot of creativity,
Ideas dance along my frontal lobe.
From drought to flood,
A sudden irrigation.
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 8:33 AM UTC
To have complete confidence in oneself,
It's difficult,
But even when achieved I'm still doubtful.
Being mislabeled hurts.
I'm told that means I'm unsure of myself.
Poetic, no?
To tell someone how they feel,
Even after they tell you doing so hurts them.
Confidence isn't as advertised.
It's less being sure about things,
And more about doubt and still doing.
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 3:57 PM UTC
If I reject rejection,
I reject the chance to be chosen.
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 1:02 PM UTC
Breath hitching,
Legs twitching.
Step by step,
Climbing uphill.
Mind fogs up,
Body moving against my will.
From the base I saw a goal.
Reach the summit.
Now scaling this mountain,
All I can see is the plummet.
I hate standing still,
I know falling would hurt,
But pushing upwards is pointless.
At the top I see it all,
Every direction, a way to fall.
I don't remember why I climbed.
Brain dead from going so high.
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 1:01 PM UTC
I said "I'm fine"
You said "No you're not"
Pulling my walls away,
You knew better than I did.
You saw pain I didn't know I had.
I'm not fine,
But you already know.
So will you let me cry,
While I'm at my low.
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 5:10 PM UTC
Pressure fading.
Stress dwindling.
As the water replaces air in my lungs,
Peace replaces worry.
Quickly ended,
Water squeezed out.
Why do I deny others to feel what I felt?
Is it fear,
Morals,
Empathy.
Any way I spin it, deep down ait nags,
It's just a way to cope with selfish desires.
How do I deserve to tell you no,
When, I can't even think of a reason not to myself.
"'Cause it's bad"
"It might get better"
But the real reason,
". . . I'd miss you"
But which is more selfish,
To leave your suffering behind but hurt those who love you,
Or to beg those you care about to stay in pain for you.
I know which I want to believe,
But which is the truth?
It's better left unknown.
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 5:31 PM UTC