My depression is like being dropped into the middle of the ocean.
The water is cold and unforgiving.
The tide threatening to pull you under just as you catch your breath.
My depression feels like being lost in the dark and knowing no one is looking for you.
All you feel is nothing.
Someone or something has stolen all those things that bring you happiness.
You try and try to find them but then you start to wonder if you ever deserved them in the first place.
My depression feels like my heart being crushed and falling into complete despair.
My depression is lying in bed and forcing myself to sleep so I can dodge my suicidal thoughts.
My depression has been part of my life for so long I can’t remember when it first started.
And my depression lingers around every dark corner waiting for opportunity to knock me down again
My depression is not just something in my head and it’s not my choice
My depression is suffocating every time I put on a smile.
Forcing myself to seem happy because I don’t want to seem broken to the people who count on me
My depression is not something I wish upon anyone;
and it is welcoming pain because that would mean feeling something.
And I haven’t felt anything real in a long time.
There is a relentless voice in my head that reminds me of every shortcoming in my life.
It’s like my worst enemy lives in my head and she knows all my secrets
At some point I forget not to give in
and the numbness kicks in
Staring at everything and nothing while my reality crumbles around me
Wanting to get help but feeling like there may never really be a solution
Scared that you will be misunderstood or cast away for your imperfections
But like an octopus, I use every bit of myself to hold it together, like trying to hold a puzzle together in mid air
I don’t have depression; depression has me.
It has me so deep in its grasp that there is no disconnect.
The octopus holding my happiness together is also the one thing keeping my depression to me like a second skin or a shadow.
As I turn my face to the light I can feel the darkness crawling on my back, trying to extinguish my flame
But then I feel the warmth on my face, the wind in my hair, my heart pounding in my chest and I remember.
My depression is a liar.
But, a good one.
I keep my light close to my heart and shine it on all those around me.
I recognize sadness in others and putting a smile on their face seems to heal me.
Sadness needs more days off, so let’s turn our faces towards the light.
Shine on!
Mar 13
Mar 13, 2026 at 9:14 AM UTC
Mom, I know you don’t know it but I never stopped looking for you
From scraped knees to having birth, I have looked for you
Every birthday party when the candles are being blown out
I heard you saying “blow out the candles my baby”
When the kids learned to ride their bikes
I remember you cheering them on from the sidewalk with coffee in hand
I dreamed you snapping pictures of the kids before their school dance and telling the boys how handsome they were while you straightened their ties
I dreamed of your eyes getting big when you saw the house me and sister got together
We are finally working together after 3 decades of fighting
Sorry you couldn’t make it to see the day
You would be joking that “it was going to snow in hell” because we finally decided to get along with each other.
I tell the kids about how you would’ve lied and schemed for them, even after we asked you not to.
I think about you every christmas; and laugh at how you went overboard with the gifts every year.
Thinking back now it’s probably because no one was able to do that for you.
You allowed dad to play the nice guy while you did all the real work, fighting battles that not many people could understand.
I look for you when I’m heartbroken, even though I broke your heart as a child
I look for you when I feel lost or weak and even though you’re not there I hear you, see you, and remember how you shaped me.
And I’m just so endlessly grateful that you loved me so very completely
You deserved better than you received but still you fought everyday and I pray for the same strength as a mother
By Victoria Angel
Mar 13
Mar 13, 2026 at 9:07 AM UTC
If the colors in the sky are mostly an optical illusion.
Light from the sun and moon blending and shifting the colors to make a masterpiece not easily captured in photos.
Then I wonder if the rest of the world sees that beautiful sunset/sunrise differently than I do?
Are the colors different when they look at it?
Does their color blindness make their sunrises and sunsets more purple or blue than others might experience?
Is it brighter in their eyes?
Or have cataracts placed fluffy white clouds amongst those untouchable brilliant rays of life in the sky
Everyone looks at the sunset and sunrise and sees something different.
Yet we all agree that sunrises and sunsets are the most beautiful part of any day.
Mar 13
Mar 13, 2026 at 6:33 AM UTC