VacantEyes - Hello Poetry

I lean into your embrace. Rough hands press into my chest, my heart begins to race. "Who are you?" I ask. A band begins to play panic chords set the bass while stress is added to the disarray. Barely a whisper, you say, "Fear"

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Jun 24, 2020

Jun 24, 2020 at 9:49 PM UTC

VacantEyes

Fear

I lean into your embrace. Rough hands press into my chest, my heart begins to race. "Who are you?" I ask. A band begins to play panic chords set the bass while stress is added to the disarray. Barely a whisper, you say, "Fear"

11

So if I want to burn, Let me burn! I am throwing it all away! All Away! All the scraps you ever gave me, all the empty promises you made, I will set it all aflame, watch me rise from the ashes! Birthed by Brimstone, Birthed by Fire! I am a phoenix without a name! Flying Fast! Flying Blind! A new town, a brand new start! I dare not look back upon the wreckage of my wake. What's My Name! What's my name! what's my name? Won't anyone say my name?

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Jun 18, 2020

Jun 18, 2020 at 9:34 PM UTC

VacantEyes

What's My Name?

So if I want to burn, Let me burn! I am throwing it all away! All Away! All the scraps you ever gave me, all the empty promises you made, I will set it all aflame, watch me rise from the ashes! Birthed by Brimstone, Birthed by Fire! I am a phoenix without a name! Flying Fast! Flying Blind! A new town, a brand new start! I dare not look back upon the wreckage of my wake. What's My Name! What's my name! what's my name? Won't anyone say my name?

21

Residential Treatment it isn't what I thought it'd be I don't know what I had in mind Perhaps a place to heal, a place to unwind But we delve into my conciousness Past the men who toyed with me and past the things you'd done to me, further till my blood ran cold two figures a child a man my hand in his as they walk down the corridor masked by darkness I dared to cast a glance at him My eyes returned to the hardwood floor He opens the door A dark room, I'm filled with dread my stomach drops And then it stops We're driving home back in your memory In your truck, the place where you hurt me Your vile touch Black eyes of greed Why do I feel safer, here in the arms of a predator than where that man took me?

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Jun 14, 2020

Jun 14, 2020 at 8:46 PM UTC

VacantEyes

Residential Treatment

Residential Treatment it isn't what I thought it'd be I don't know what I had in mind Perhaps a place to heal, a place to unwind But we delve into my conciousness Past the men who toyed with me and past the things you'd done to me, further till my blood ran cold two figures a child a man my hand in his as they walk down the corridor masked by darkness I dared to cast a glance at him My eyes returned to the hardwood floor He opens the door A dark room, I'm filled with dread my stomach drops And then it stops We're driving home back in your memory In your truck, the place where you hurt me Your vile touch Black eyes of greed Why do I feel safer, here in the arms of a predator than where that man took me?

30

I know how to say the words But what's the meaning? Silent screaming and sore throats There's a pit in my stomach But where's the emotion There's a war in my head

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Jun 10, 2020

Jun 10, 2020 at 10:30 PM UTC

VacantEyes

Untitled

I know how to say the words But what's the meaning? Silent screaming and sore throats There's a pit in my stomach But where's the emotion There's a war in my head

6

our mouths go dry, our actions get lazy, our anchors unmoored, our directions change, our bearings are misaligned, our charts remain unplotted, our complacencies swell, our greed metastasise, our ignorance nurtured... *How then, would our story end?* .

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VacantEyes

Jun 10, 2020

Jun 10, 2020 at 10:01 PM UTC

ryn

If...

our mouths go dry, our actions get lazy, our anchors unmoored, our directions change, our bearings are misaligned, our charts remain unplotted, our complacencies swell, our greed metastasise, our ignorance nurtured... *How then, would our story end?* .

12

Every Morning Laying by the window pane He soaks up the sun

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Apr 10, 2020

Apr 10, 2020 at 11:02 AM UTC

VacantEyes

Cat of Mine

Every Morning Laying by the window pane He soaks up the sun

3

Food in a box Plastic wrapped Safe locked away Salty or Sweet or Spicy I tried to make a salad what's hiding between the leaves Bugs? Creeping and crawling Eggs? waiting to hatch inside my stomach? Something sinister is lurking behind the crevices I dump the bowl into the garbage I wrap the head in two plastic bags

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Jan 6, 2020

Jan 6, 2020 at 12:44 AM UTC

VacantEyes

When I dont take my meds

Food in a box Plastic wrapped Safe locked away Salty or Sweet or Spicy I tried to make a salad what's hiding between the leaves Bugs? Creeping and crawling Eggs? waiting to hatch inside my stomach? Something sinister is lurking behind the crevices I dump the bowl into the garbage I wrap the head in two plastic bags

18

Okay, so maybe I haven't showered since Monday, way behind on ALL of my assignments, didn't even finish half of my essay which is due in 17 minutes BUT I still got out of bed I wrote the outline for the paper I saved two honey bees with paper and a Starbucks cup that's something. It barely counts as functioning, but it kind of does. I am trying I am breathing I am doing the best I can And that has to be enough, it has to be enough for today. Because right now that kind of all Ive got. Oh geez 14 minutes, to be honest I am kind of panicking.... She gonna go over my essay and be disappointed, I want to run. I cant run, if I run then I get another zero. If I get another zero- Okay okay. Stop! Breathe, good. Youre spiraling more than if you give a mouse a cookie. What is your life now "If you give Carissa a 0,"? Deep breaths me, deeeeeep breaths. See now I am trying REALLY hard not to spiral and all of these random anxieties are flitting through my head and everytime I go for one I let go of another. 10 minutes 10 minutes whoooh boi I am not ready

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Feb 13, 2019

Feb 13, 2019 at 2:19 PM UTC

VacantEyes

Untitled

Okay, so maybe I haven't showered since Monday, way behind on ALL of my assignments, didn't even finish half of my essay which is due in 17 minutes BUT I still got out of bed I wrote the outline for the paper I saved two honey bees with paper and a Starbucks cup that's something. It barely counts as functioning, but it kind of does. I am trying I am breathing I am doing the best I can And that has to be enough, it has to be enough for today. Because right now that kind of all Ive got. Oh geez 14 minutes, to be honest I am kind of panicking.... She gonna go over my essay and be disappointed, I want to run. I cant run, if I run then I get another zero. If I get another zero- Okay okay. Stop! Breathe, good. Youre spiraling more than if you give a mouse a cookie. What is your life now "If you give Carissa a 0,"? Deep breaths me, deeeeeep breaths. See now I am trying REALLY hard not to spiral and all of these random anxieties are flitting through my head and everytime I go for one I let go of another. 10 minutes 10 minutes whoooh boi I am not ready

16

Write Write Write Erase Nothing I type makes sense Erase Nothing I type makes s Nothing I type ma Nothing I typ Nothing I Nothing Erase Erase Erase I should be working on my essay I haven't even finished the first page' its due at 1:30 its 12:40 I am ******* All I can think is Do you remember those giant erasers? You know, the ones we played with in elementary school? No? Okay, well just imagine a normal eraser, but HUGE. Bigger than your hand! Just do that, for me, for just one second. Anyways, one December I was playing with my friends and for Christmas Sandy got one-- --Are you imagining? And she pretending to erase me, at first I laughed but as the day went on everyone went along with it they all acted as if I was invisible. As if I hadn't ever existed. I cant recall if I cried but it got to the point that I started to believe it. To question my reality, if I ever really existed, and obviously I did, do, but then I asked myself... If they could so easily let me go, let me disappear? Did any of this, did they, did I, did we even matter? "What are we getting at here?" "That's it," "That was the big ****** "Yup." "Geez, but like what happened next?" "Well," "Mhmmm?" "the next day I existed." "Oh," "Disappointed?" "Kind of, I thought thered be a conclusion..." "Nope," "Hey, don't you have an essay due in like 30 minutes?" ****

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Feb 13, 2019

Feb 13, 2019 at 1:53 PM UTC

VacantEyes

My Mind is Running

Write Write Write Erase Nothing I type makes sense Erase Nothing I type makes s Nothing I type ma Nothing I typ Nothing I Nothing Erase Erase Erase I should be working on my essay I haven't even finished the first page' its due at 1:30 its 12:40 I am ******* All I can think is Do you remember those giant erasers? You know, the ones we played with in elementary school? No? Okay, well just imagine a normal eraser, but HUGE. Bigger than your hand! Just do that, for me, for just one second. Anyways, one December I was playing with my friends and for Christmas Sandy got one-- --Are you imagining? And she pretending to erase me, at first I laughed but as the day went on everyone went along with it they all acted as if I was invisible. As if I hadn't ever existed. I cant recall if I cried but it got to the point that I started to believe it. To question my reality, if I ever really existed, and obviously I did, do, but then I asked myself... If they could so easily let me go, let me disappear? Did any of this, did they, did I, did we even matter? "What are we getting at here?" "That's it," "That was the big ****** "Yup." "Geez, but like what happened next?" "Well," "Mhmmm?" "the next day I existed." "Oh," "Disappointed?" "Kind of, I thought thered be a conclusion..." "Nope," "Hey, don't you have an essay due in like 30 minutes?" ****

41

The warning signs were all there Was I too blind? Or Too stubborn to see them? Last night while I kissed a boy You bought a gallon of gasoline Last night I was lifting weights You doused the inside of your car Last night I jumped in the pool You sat in your car and held a lighter While I held my breath You released yours While my body froze in the icy waters You were ready to light yours on fire When I got the call I felt my heart fall The flame didn’t ignite Your heart is still beating You are alive.

0

Feb 11, 2019

Feb 11, 2019 at 10:43 AM UTC

VacantEyes

My Brothers Suicide Attempt

The warning signs were all there Was I too blind? Or Too stubborn to see them? Last night while I kissed a boy You bought a gallon of gasoline Last night I was lifting weights You doused the inside of your car Last night I jumped in the pool You sat in your car and held a lighter While I held my breath You released yours While my body froze in the icy waters You were ready to light yours on fire When I got the call I felt my heart fall The flame didn’t ignite Your heart is still beating You are alive.

19