They ask me if I am empty
What is it to be full?
A constantly shattering piece of pottery
Letting all the air escape
But what difference does it make
If the air wasn't trapped in the first place
Jul 17, 2021
Jul 17, 2021 at 11:27 PM UTC
My biggest mistake was letting myself feel again
Letting the air touch my skin
Letting the birdsong reach my ears
Letting his hands stroke my hair
The sensation rushing through my body
Though the highs may be so high
My lows are much too low
The numb was constant
Predictable
Here I am now
With emotions like wild stallions
Running rabid through the fields in my heart
The fields are lush, but the horses are heavy
They trample all in their path, leaving confusion and uncertainty
I would rather feel nothing than feel my lows
Jun 22, 2020
Jun 22, 2020 at 10:29 PM UTC
When I was younger, I danced in the grass,
Letting the chills engulf me.
I let the leaves blow me over.
I felt the amazed joy travel down my body.
You see,
I forget the feeling.
When I was younger, I held onto dreams,
As if they were only a butterfly away.
I watched as they inspired me.
I held onto that creativity they left in my bones.
You see,
I forget the feeling.
When I was younger, I wished for attention,
As I hold up a creation flashing with love.
I watched as my mother turned to her phone.
I left without a notice or word, as the creation fell without notice or word.
You see,
I know that feeling
Yesterday, I left my leaves and butterflies,
Letting the silence engulf me.
I left the desire for attention behind.
I closed my eyes as the world fell away.
You see,
I am that feeling
This day, they left my there,
Lowering me as if there were no place left.
This was the only place I felt at home, at peace.
I heard nothing as they sang Amazing Grace.
You see,
I caused that feeling
Feb 19, 2019
Feb 19, 2019 at 10:29 PM UTC
I woke up today.
Wow I'm proud!
Texts "goodmorning, I hope you had a good sleep and have a good day"
I stretch my body to the point where I hope every bone breaks out of place and ligaments do not bounce back
With failure, I step forward, put on my best skirt and shirt, wishwashing my hair around in the mirror until I realize I need to tame my mane
I gather my tools and proceed groggily to plug the straightener into the outlet
Hoping an electric shock may find me spasming on the ground
With failure, I brush my hair, parting ways through the sea where Israel could pass through but Pharoah would perish
I watch as the numbers rise to the temperature I like to bake brownies at
As it reaches the high, I hope for a malfunction which will set me on the bathroom floor, fried as if someone forgot the brownies in the oven
With failure, I begin to make straight my crookedness
I watch as with each pass I burn my hands searching for hiding waves
I slowly run through piece after piece hoping for the cord to strangle and burn me around the neck so I am left for empty
With failure, I look in the mirror and smile, isn't she beautiful!
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 9:19 AM UTC
I always have felt like a puzzle piece
I have always felt like everyone was a puzzle piece
But everyone fit together nicely and worked together
But I was another piece from a different puzzle that somehow ended up in the same box
Until you came around
My grooves fit into yours so perfectly
We are so different but we fit so wonderfully
You connected to me and showed me what it was like to feel like a part of something bigger
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 9:13 AM UTC
I am painting
You asked me to
So here I am
Painting a field of air
As I unfold my brain
I feel the brush
Dust my thoughts
Knowing my abilities
Are nothing to be admired
So here
I am painting
For you
Because although I lack
I try for you
Feb 13, 2019
Feb 13, 2019 at 11:21 PM UTC
The screams
Are
Unbearable
As I head south
I hear them
Echoing
Echoing my name
As if
I am leaving
A whole world
For a dystopia
Of love
Feb 13, 2019
Feb 13, 2019 at 11:07 PM UTC
I remember my pills
Beside my bed
Staring me down
And the blades
Dancing on my skin,
But
With your apology-filled confession
I imagine you
Forgetting
Who
You promised to love
As you
Indulge
In your own
Sweet misery
There is no desire
For me
To be open
When I know
It will only add
Burn
To
Burn
And I
Will, once again
Be apologizing
Feb 13, 2019
Feb 13, 2019 at 4:41 PM UTC