I wake up every morning
with a smile stitched tight to my face,
like it belongs there
like it isn’t just a mask
I learned to wear just to survive the day.
Nobody ever notices
how heavy it sits on my cheeks,
how it cracks at the edges
when silence gets loud
and my thoughts start to speak.
They say, “talk it out, let it go, you’ll heal,
but who do I call at 2 am
when the pain doesn’t feel real
when my chest caves in
and I can’t even kneel?
Sleepless nights turn into battles I fight alone,
staring at ceilings that feel like stone,
praying for peace
but hearing no tone
just echoes reminding me
I’m on my own.
And yeah…
I’ve had those thoughts I don’t say out loud,
the kind that creeps in
when life feels too proud
whispers telling me
“Just give up now,”
but somehow, I’m still here,
still standing somehow.
Cause in my bloodline,
being weak isn’t allowed,
you can cry
but don’t cry too loud.
Don’t cry too long,
don’t let it show,
cause weakness is where
the devil will go.
So, I cry in the dark
where nobody sees me,
fall to my knees
and beg for some peace.
Then morning comes in
like it doesn’t know my pain,
and I rise up again
like I’m perfectly sane.
But God…
I gotta be honest, I’m angry with You,
cause You keep taking the ones
that I needed to get through.
You tell me have faith,
You say, “I got a plan,”
but it’s hard to believe
when I don’t understand.
How much more loss
am I meant to take?
How many nights
am I supposed to break?
How do I trust You
while my heart keeps ache
while I’m barely holding
every breath that I make.
They say it gets better,
just give it some time,
but time feels cruel
when grief is your mind.
When every memory
cuts like a knife,
and healing feels like
the longest fight of your life.
Still…
there’s a piece of me
that refuses to fold,
a flicker of faith
I can’t seem to let go of.
Even when I’m tired,
even when I’m numb,
something inside whispers,
“you’re not done.”
So, I stand
not because I’m strong,
but because giving up
would prove them wrong.
And maybe faith
isn’t always bright…
maybe it’s choosing to live
through another night.
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 9:18 PM UTC
What if I was so completely honest and wildly unfiltered?
What the **** would happen?
I might just make myself laugh.
I might make someone cry.
I avoid honesty because of fear.
I fear offending.
I fear openly judging.
I fear making others uncomfortable.
I fear being a burden.
I fear being too much.
I fear being misunderstood.
I fear not being chosen.
I fear people not liking me.
I fear people being mad at me.
I fear people feeling disappointed in me.
I fear being disappointed with myself.
Paradoxically, I am disappointed with myself for being dishonest.
Dishonest with myself.
Dishonest wearing masks.
Dishonest saying I’m okay, when I am not okay.
What if I was honest?
What if I offended, judged, made someone uncomfortable, was a burden, too much, misunderstood, not chosen, disliked?
Then what?
Maybe I would find out who I am without the masks.
Maybe I would be a little lonely and lose some friends.
Maybe I would find out who stays when I am fully me.
Maybe I would be proud of myself.
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 8:50 PM UTC
The wandering willow tree
Stands in a spring shower
Sanctified by the tears of holy water
She walks toward a church
Without walls
Filled with people
It's ceiling the sky
The sun rises on this gathering
It's rays are on the willow tree
The children are in the branches
On her shoulder's swing the future
Oct 24, 2021
Oct 24, 2021 at 9:34 PM UTC
You can't love me until
You love you
Until you grow up
Until you mature
&
I can't love you until
I love me
Until I grow up
Until I mature
Nov 16, 2020
Nov 16, 2020 at 10:25 AM UTC
Where am I supposed to go?
Here, there?
I could go anywhere
The path is unclear
All I can do is put one foot in front of the other
Feels like faith to me
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 10:19 PM UTC