Dear love,
If ever you come back into my life..
How am I to do this?
How am I to tell the right man, that I gave my heart to the wrong man and he torn it apart?
How do I try to love again?
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 2:18 AM UTC
I wonder sometimes...
If it's hit you yet..?
If it'll ever hit you..
When you think back to me..
If you ever do..
I wonder if you'll ever think...
She brought so much good and joy to my lonely life.
Would it be hard for you to look into my eyes, and admit you're biggest regret?
I imagine seeing the ocean of regret fill within your eyes and slip down your cheeks as you continue to speak.
Would you go on to say..
You've learned the hard way?
You've learned from your mistakes?
That I was the only light in your corner of darkness?
And letting me walk away was your biggest mistake?
I wonder if...
you'll ever think...
Maybe I’ve always been destined to end up in this place?
Alone...
With
Nothing
But
The
Reflection
Of
Your
Own
Decisions.
I wonder...
if you'll ever realize...
Love will always be your greatest lesson.
Because you realize you had it all when you were with me.
I wonder if...
your eyes would show signs of being tired?
Tired of searching.
Tired of searching what cannot be found.
Tired of coming up short with every girl in town.
Tired of searching for the very thing you'd thought you'd forgotten.
But then realizing,
This entire time you'd been searching...
You were actually searching for me in another person.
If this were true..
This would mean..
You realized there is no such thing as finding me in another.
So I can't help but wonder...
If this would be your defining moment,
when you realized..
That...
You're a prisoner to your own pain?
Because you hurt the ones most close to you.
Who love you.
Is this the moment when I'll hear you say...
I’m a prisoner to my decisions.
I wonder...
if you'll feel the same emptiness
I felt?
Where you can feel your soul burning.
Burning with such sadness.
And how you sit in those hazy agonizing days filled with nothing but pain, because you cannot digest the loss you are faced with.
I wonder...
If like me,
You'll actually contemplate handing it all over to the devil himself,
Just so you could leave this place and once again see their face.
I guess I'll never know...
if you'll ever reach such a chapter...
But I'll always...
Always...
Wonder.
Apr 14, 2018
Apr 14, 2018 at 5:30 PM UTC
What would your husband think about you leaving? Any kids?
"I don't have a husband anymore.... And no, no kids...there's no point anyway."
What?
"Loving anyone or anything.....
Feels great at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about love.... Its a hell I'll never get out of alive."
No one does......
Mar 25, 2018
Mar 25, 2018 at 12:43 AM UTC
I blinked my tired eyes open...
One morning...
In September...
I felt instantly different...
Something that had been there with Me...
For so long...
Was gone...
Just like that...
That one morning in September...
I'll never forget that day...
The day I stopped loving you....
It was the first morning in years,
That my mind didn't immediately go to you...
It was the first morning...
I didn't feel that same dull ache deep... Within my heart...
It was the first morning l didn't cry...
Not even a single tear...
And it was on this morning that
I realized..
I finally let you go...
I suddenly just knew....
That I would never spend another night...
Comparing myself to the girl you left me for...
Over analyzing...
Sleep deprived..
Maybe even a little
Crazed...
Never again...
Would..
I..
Spend another day...
Looking...
Searching...
For something that didn't exsist...
No more hoping..
To find even a shred of evidence that you loved me...
Even if it was in the most tiniest of measures...
You know nothing of Heartbreak...
And how it brought me to my knees...
Worst fears realized...
I was nothing but a ghost...
Stuck in limbo...
I hated you for a long *** time...
I remember...
Going back and forth...
Between my heart and mind...
Arguing over you having an ugly heart...
And no soul...
No soul,
Behind those beautiful blue eyes...
I didn't want to believe that...
About you...
Let alone let that be my last memory of you..
But what are you to do when someone leaves you in ruin?
What do you tell yourself?
What would you have me believe?
You left..
Nothing behind but grief...
I knew you didn't give a ****
I know you still don't...
I know you feel some kind of validation in everything you've done...
And thats where we're...
Too entirely different people...
I could never do that to someone
I loved..
So..
You gave me no choice...
I let go when..
You forced..
Me..
To doubt everything we shared..
To question your feelings for me..
Cant you see?
To question...
The one person you once loved more than life itself....
It does something to you..
It's nothing shy of a hell...
I'd never wish on anyone...
It was the hardest battle...
I'd ever faced...
But I overcame it...
On that sweet September Morning...
I came alive again...
Because I let go...
Because...
I let you go...
Ive accepted you may have never loved me...
But I can't say the same..
So..
Before you even realize it..
I'll be gone...
And I want you to know that despite everything...
And no matter what you go through..
In life..
Without me...
If you ever one day in the far future.. find yourself..
Thinking about me..
On a cool summers day...
When the crickets begin to sing...
Know that you were loved indefinitely...
In the best way any person could ever be loved...
Even if that person...
Was simply
Just me...
Mar 25, 2018
Mar 25, 2018 at 12:42 AM UTC
I’ve seen honest faces before.
They’re usually attached to liars.
Mar 25, 2018
Mar 25, 2018 at 12:40 AM UTC
In your eyes.
I sometimes saw a deep ocean of blue.
One to love and one to lose.
Sweet divide, our biggest fight.
Walk away or stay, don't make me choose....
I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night.
When we had our first kiss in the rain.
Drunk on a feeling, just you and I.
Couldn't get enough of you.
I trusted you.
I would of packed up my life and ran away with you.
I gave you all the love I had inside of me.
I loved you more than any one person could ever wish to be loved.
Sadly I don't think you'll ever see it.
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 11:49 PM UTC
I didn't want to go out last night but here I am with my best friend and her man.
It was interesting to watch them.
Even from far away you could see it.
They were just drunk.
And this was before any beverage had been had.
They were drunk off each other.
The way they laughed.
The way they kept sneaking glances at each other.
It was so obvious.
The way theyd get so close to each other, with a nervousness hidden behind some kind of subtle excitement.
Even if I had been blind I could see that they found each other utterly intoxicating.
I knew they'd had been trying to tone it down because of me, what divorcing the love of my life and being simply bitter. But the look in their eyes brought tears to my eyes as I could familiarize when I too felt the same way.
Mar 23, 2018
Mar 23, 2018 at 2:32 PM UTC
One of the most devastating heart breaking things I ever had to go through as a woman...
Was falling in love with a man that couldn't love and respect me...
Because he simply hasent learned how to respect and love himself.
Mar 23, 2018
Mar 23, 2018 at 5:16 AM UTC
What if I never stop loving you?
I think that's what scares me the most.
I had been doing just fine for months.
No tears.
No sadness.
I accepted things.
I thought I let go.
But it's 3am in the morning and I miss you.
I don't want to but I do.
I shouldn't be crying but I am.
It's pathetic that I'm still grieving as if you were dead.
This isn't fair.
While I'm stuck hating myself for loving you, you don't even care.
You're not hurting.
You're not broken over this.
You're not feeling loss.
I ******* hate this.
How many times do I need to pray for God to take this away.
Take this love that's hollowed me out.
Take this sadness.
Take the suffocating sorrow.
Take away the memories of him that bring me to my knees.
I don't want to love this man anymore that has broken me to my
Very core.
Mar 23, 2018
Mar 23, 2018 at 4:39 AM UTC
For the first time in a long time I saw you in my dreams.
I remember running to you in a field of nothing but black roses.
The sky was grey and so was the sun.
When I finally reached you, I clutched onto you and I said nothing as I stood on my tip toes and welcomed you with a passionate kiss.
I remember time slowing down and giving me this moment.
I remember every single nerve in my body dancing as our lips reminisced how much we have missed each other.
I also remember breaking our kiss.
Telling you I loved you, but also saying I shouldn't be here and that I had to go.
I'll never forget the look on your face as I started to fade right there in front of you..
Watching the sadness swirl in your eyes as you asked me why.....
And how I simply replied...
because you're going to destroy me.
Mar 22, 2018
Mar 22, 2018 at 9:11 PM UTC