TimesTwoRoman - Hello Poetry

I don’t know how to say that I’m not okay Without feeling like a burden on someone’s day I think other people feel the same I think it best to keep my words in a safe Do you see the state of the world? It’s a stage that’s all burnt All’s broken and nothing works Look at our leaders Gaining it all at the expense of all the teachers Look at my features I think that I’m a four maybe at best a five And yet I wonder what the hell am I doing alive I feel like I’m a waste When there are others who would love to be in my place As if I don’t know that. I’m not good at anything Or at least not something profitable But I won’t dare send myself to a hospital If it ain’t something painless I’m not gonna spend life making payments on my medical fees I’m not at ease The woman in the mirror’s saying “help me, please” But where do I begin? I know it’s something I must do from within.

0

Feb 27, 2020

Feb 27, 2020 at 11:48 PM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

Truths of Me

I don’t know how to say that I’m not okay Without feeling like a burden on someone’s day I think other people feel the same I think it best to keep my words in a safe Do you see the state of the world? It’s a stage that’s all burnt All’s broken and nothing works Look at our leaders Gaining it all at the expense of all the teachers Look at my features I think that I’m a four maybe at best a five And yet I wonder what the hell am I doing alive I feel like I’m a waste When there are others who would love to be in my place As if I don’t know that. I’m not good at anything Or at least not something profitable But I won’t dare send myself to a hospital If it ain’t something painless I’m not gonna spend life making payments on my medical fees I’m not at ease The woman in the mirror’s saying “help me, please” But where do I begin? I know it’s something I must do from within.

24

My throat closes Every single time When I want to speak or let myself be heard, I close I let others speak for me. In whistling tunes I found through the Tube or stories as told by those who live them I find it is not my time to speak. For only when I am utmost alone can I even utter a single sigh and still it displeases me of its occurrence Perhaps voiceless to allow others the space they might need to be themselves. So why am I upset of it Meek and meager Never there when you need her Your silence is louder than a train wreck.

0

Jan 12, 2020

Jan 12, 2020 at 1:45 PM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

Silence

My throat closes Every single time When I want to speak or let myself be heard, I close I let others speak for me. In whistling tunes I found through the Tube or stories as told by those who live them I find it is not my time to speak. For only when I am utmost alone can I even utter a single sigh and still it displeases me of its occurrence Perhaps voiceless to allow others the space they might need to be themselves. So why am I upset of it Meek and meager Never there when you need her Your silence is louder than a train wreck.

10

This is heaven I’m in heaven Heaven sent from the clouds above This location Of God’s creation I never thought I’d see I never want to leave Heaven inside you Heaven is all true Heaven’s been on my mind Heaven within me Heaven forgive me Is heaven just in my mind? Heaven is in her arms But it’s hell without you here

0

May 24, 2018

May 24, 2018 at 7:28 AM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

Heaven

This is heaven I’m in heaven Heaven sent from the clouds above This location Of God’s creation I never thought I’d see I never want to leave Heaven inside you Heaven is all true Heaven’s been on my mind Heaven within me Heaven forgive me Is heaven just in my mind? Heaven is in her arms But it’s hell without you here

15

Everything is Alien I Don’t know where I’m at Warped spaces, in transit faces Straight lines don’t exist in this dimension Was it a pull or was it a push It wasn’t my gut and it wasn’t a fluke My brain feels like it’s splitting from the inside And I don’t have claws to scoop it out Everything is alien I don’t know who you are What is a you and what is there to do When surroundings shapeshift and change perception What is even happening, response flight or fight Everything now is shaded in doubt Everything is Alien now Everything is alien I don’t know who I am What is my name, where is my mind I can’t even breathe, I know something’s not right Everything now is shaded in doubt Everything is Alien now

0

Mar 1, 2018

Mar 1, 2018 at 1:16 PM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

Alien

Everything is Alien I Don’t know where I’m at Warped spaces, in transit faces Straight lines don’t exist in this dimension Was it a pull or was it a push It wasn’t my gut and it wasn’t a fluke My brain feels like it’s splitting from the inside And I don’t have claws to scoop it out Everything is alien I don’t know who you are What is a you and what is there to do When surroundings shapeshift and change perception What is even happening, response flight or fight Everything now is shaded in doubt Everything is Alien now Everything is alien I don’t know who I am What is my name, where is my mind I can’t even breathe, I know something’s not right Everything now is shaded in doubt Everything is Alien now

21

Don't say it Oh, don't say it Saying it changes everything It's in your hands The royal flush of my blush skin You've got the cards to tear all I am from within May your lust consume from March to June year after year Before it's much too late for your sick guilt to disappear All that's said in bed, young nymph lessons, life's not dead Echo out those ancient stories in my head Just how I won't say it first Narcissus can't find the words Lips so soft and silent Actions not unspoken

0

Jul 18, 2017

Jul 18, 2017 at 11:29 AM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

Silent Looks

Don't say it Oh, don't say it Saying it changes everything It's in your hands The royal flush of my blush skin You've got the cards to tear all I am from within May your lust consume from March to June year after year Before it's much too late for your sick guilt to disappear All that's said in bed, young nymph lessons, life's not dead Echo out those ancient stories in my head Just how I won't say it first Narcissus can't find the words Lips so soft and silent Actions not unspoken

14

Free me of this sickness Get me out of my mind This virus in my body Keeps me awake at night And I wait under the covers Take my drugs, suppress my fever But it's something I can't sweat out The tightness in my throat The aching of my bones Burning behind my eyes oh tell me why why why why I can't shake you off I can't believe it Dust inside my lungs From breathing you in Every cell in me has been contaminated Put me under quarantine Fires burning in my head Don't think I've even left this bed for days Time slips And spills away Keep getting sicker Haven't found a way To treat my symptoms or find my cure I don't know what I'm looking for As the hours pass, all I can think Is how you (went and) infected me And I'm so sick of feeling wrong And coughing up my ******* lungs Every bit of my being's getting worse I became a victim of it first I'm patient zero And until I find you, then I will never be healthy again

0

May 19, 2017

May 19, 2017 at 1:30 PM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

Quarantine

Free me of this sickness Get me out of my mind This virus in my body Keeps me awake at night And I wait under the covers Take my drugs, suppress my fever But it's something I can't sweat out The tightness in my throat The aching of my bones Burning behind my eyes oh tell me why why why why I can't shake you off I can't believe it Dust inside my lungs From breathing you in Every cell in me has been contaminated Put me under quarantine Fires burning in my head Don't think I've even left this bed for days Time slips And spills away Keep getting sicker Haven't found a way To treat my symptoms or find my cure I don't know what I'm looking for As the hours pass, all I can think Is how you (went and) infected me And I'm so sick of feeling wrong And coughing up my ******* lungs Every bit of my being's getting worse I became a victim of it first I'm patient zero And until I find you, then I will never be healthy again

33

My mind is going weird again and hurting my head I don't know what to make of it I think I want a male me Or just me. I want another me. Doesn't necessarily have to be male. Can be female. Why not both. But I want another physical and spiritual embodiment of who I am as a person A part of me just wants to hug and hold someone. And my head is automatically choosing said person, but the feeling of the mere hug and contact is overshadowing the identity of the person by a few degrees I miss calloused hands roaming my body. And I miss body heat. I miss legs I can entangle mine with. I miss the crooks of necks. I miss snores emanating from a chest and hearing the rumble in the air from it. I miss tired faces resting and appearing destressed. I miss light groans as a body shifts positions in their sleep. I think I can pinpoint what it is that I miss. Because although all sound like physical and verbal responses, it is not the actions, although they always go hand in hand. I think I miss intimacy. But what is necessarily intimacy? There's a few definitions as soon as one googles it A close familiarity or closeness. A private, cozy atmosphere. A closeness of observation or knowledge of a subject. My chest aches and pounds as I try to put my finger on what it is I'm searching for. The more it aches, the closer I am to finding my answer Intimacy. In-tih-mah-see. In-to-me-see. See-in-to-me. Intimacy is to see in to me. It is to let and allow someone to see you for who you are, to know what makes you a being. But not necessarily in your head. Intimacy is the knowledge of how another person's mind control's their body. How the body reacts to acts that can cause the mind to blank or move forward just off-beat of the body. It's dragging your fingertips over their body and feeling the goosebumps rise as a laugh comes from the mouth over the words "popcorn butter is actually coconut oil with artificial flavoring" and feeling your eyes connect the dots between those goosebumps to their face and your brain noticing the connection between noises and nerve endings. Intimacy is a weird state to be in. Because too much can cause the mind to blank and overload itself with serotonin and dopamine. All the while there is never enough time in the world to drag on that forever feeling It's the act of getting lost in a person and discovering bits and pieces of how you affect said person. In body, in mind, in response I think I'm done because I don't know how else to frame my words. My head hurts and my chest pounds with equal force. I believe it's time for me to bid adieu and deal with this in the dreamscape

0

May 1, 2017

May 1, 2017 at 11:24 PM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

Intimacy - An Observation

My mind is going weird again and hurting my head I don't know what to make of it I think I want a male me Or just me. I want another me. Doesn't necessarily have to be male. Can be female. Why not both. But I want another physical and spiritual embodiment of who I am as a person A part of me just wants to hug and hold someone. And my head is automatically choosing said person, but the feeling of the mere hug and contact is overshadowing the identity of the person by a few degrees I miss calloused hands roaming my body. And I miss body heat. I miss legs I can entangle mine with. I miss the crooks of necks. I miss snores emanating from a chest and hearing the rumble in the air from it. I miss tired faces resting and appearing destressed. I miss light groans as a body shifts positions in their sleep. I think I can pinpoint what it is that I miss. Because although all sound like physical and verbal responses, it is not the actions, although they always go hand in hand. I think I miss intimacy. But what is necessarily intimacy? There's a few definitions as soon as one googles it A close familiarity or closeness. A private, cozy atmosphere. A closeness of observation or knowledge of a subject. My chest aches and pounds as I try to put my finger on what it is I'm searching for. The more it aches, the closer I am to finding my answer Intimacy. In-tih-mah-see. In-to-me-see. See-in-to-me. Intimacy is to see in to me. It is to let and allow someone to see you for who you are, to know what makes you a being. But not necessarily in your head. Intimacy is the knowledge of how another person's mind control's their body. How the body reacts to acts that can cause the mind to blank or move forward just off-beat of the body. It's dragging your fingertips over their body and feeling the goosebumps rise as a laugh comes from the mouth over the words "popcorn butter is actually coconut oil with artificial flavoring" and feeling your eyes connect the dots between those goosebumps to their face and your brain noticing the connection between noises and nerve endings. Intimacy is a weird state to be in. Because too much can cause the mind to blank and overload itself with serotonin and dopamine. All the while there is never enough time in the world to drag on that forever feeling It's the act of getting lost in a person and discovering bits and pieces of how you affect said person. In body, in mind, in response I think I'm done because I don't know how else to frame my words. My head hurts and my chest pounds with equal force. I believe it's time for me to bid adieu and deal with this in the dreamscape

25

I know you know I love you I think I know you love me too But it's not the same love. It's not those butterflies I got in my stomach Although you still give me those It's not that plummet I felt from my throat to my chest Although you caused them more than most I think I know you love me When you get protective and envious when someone makes a move Although I catch myself smiling when you do Those times you cross red-lined boundaries Although I know you had the best intentions It's not the same love. When I stop the messages Although you do them more than I When you feel awkward with my interactions Although I try not to question yours When you go back to your first And I ponder the thoughts of a second When that disconnect feels so physical I wonder if our loves have changed. It's been so long since you've said the final words Yet we still maintain the contact Like nothing changed or happened Even though everything did. I look at you now and I know I'd love to see you grow I love the way we joke I'd love to stay so close I know it's not the same. You know I love the way Your glasses frame your face Your lines that grow with age You focus on your own pace. You know it's not the same. I think I love you differently It feels like it's fading out Into something deeply new Like the way close friends do I only want to know If it's the same for you.

0

Apr 26, 2017

Apr 26, 2017 at 6:47 PM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

I know, You Know

I know you know I love you I think I know you love me too But it's not the same love. It's not those butterflies I got in my stomach Although you still give me those It's not that plummet I felt from my throat to my chest Although you caused them more than most I think I know you love me When you get protective and envious when someone makes a move Although I catch myself smiling when you do Those times you cross red-lined boundaries Although I know you had the best intentions It's not the same love. When I stop the messages Although you do them more than I When you feel awkward with my interactions Although I try not to question yours When you go back to your first And I ponder the thoughts of a second When that disconnect feels so physical I wonder if our loves have changed. It's been so long since you've said the final words Yet we still maintain the contact Like nothing changed or happened Even though everything did. I look at you now and I know I'd love to see you grow I love the way we joke I'd love to stay so close I know it's not the same. You know I love the way Your glasses frame your face Your lines that grow with age You focus on your own pace. You know it's not the same. I think I love you differently It feels like it's fading out Into something deeply new Like the way close friends do I only want to know If it's the same for you.

41

How? How come you look so similar So similar to me? Or do I look like you And the opposites we have been born to be? You, Short, endowed, a sublime storm of art and chaos Me, Slender, twig-like, an anxious force of half-capabilities The raven hair The similar eyes Not in color, but intuitive sight Latched on to the first of our lives And refusing to move forward While constantly looking back at the past You and I Me and You We are the same As much as we are different beings, we are the same And you hate me with such passion The red of my blood would light your paintings on fire I pity you with heavy hearts and immeasurable patience I could drown in the ocean of your own tears. But we are the same And there is nothing we can do about it. So I'll keep you in my thoughts Dear doppelgänger As I persist in yours.

0

Apr 17, 2017

Apr 17, 2017 at 6:32 PM UTC

TimesTwoRoman

Dearest Doppelgänger

How? How come you look so similar So similar to me? Or do I look like you And the opposites we have been born to be? You, Short, endowed, a sublime storm of art and chaos Me, Slender, twig-like, an anxious force of half-capabilities The raven hair The similar eyes Not in color, but intuitive sight Latched on to the first of our lives And refusing to move forward While constantly looking back at the past You and I Me and You We are the same As much as we are different beings, we are the same And you hate me with such passion The red of my blood would light your paintings on fire I pity you with heavy hearts and immeasurable patience I could drown in the ocean of your own tears. But we are the same And there is nothing we can do about it. So I'll keep you in my thoughts Dear doppelgänger As I persist in yours.

28