Suddenly I’m…
You raise your hand to me
And suddenly I’m 6
Wincing from the pain of my grandfather beating me
But I’m not 6, I’m 20
You call me a problem
And suddenly I’m 7
Being punished by my first teacher for telling the truth
But I’m not 7, I’m 20
You say I should skip a meal
And suddenly I’m 8
Starving for a weekend because my stepmother wouldn’t feed me
But I’m not 8, I’m 20
You say we’re not that close
And suddenly I’m 9
Not allowed to hold my baby sister by my stepmother
But I’m not 9, I’m 20
You shut me out
And suddenly I’m 10
Locked in my room for days by my stepmother
But I’m not 10, I’m 20
You yell at me
And suddenly I’m 12
Shaking from the fear of my stepfather screaming at me
But I’m not 12, I’m 20
You use me for ***
And suddenly I’m 13
Being ***** in the only place I felt safe
But I’m not 13, I’m 20
You tell me I will fail
And suddenly I’m 14
Being ridiculed by my teachers
But I’m not 14, I’m 20
You tell me I’m not enough
And suddenly I’m 15
Hearing from my father that I’ll ***** it up eventually
But I’m not 15, I’m 20
You tell me I’m not enough
And suddenly I’m 16
Being laughed at by my coaches
But I’m not 16, I’m 20
You say you need space
And suddenly I’m 17
Having my heart torn to pieces for the first time
But I’m not 17, I’m 20
You call me names
And suddenly I’m 18
Being manipulated by my mother
But I’m not 18, I’m 20
You say he’s just a friend
And suddenly I’m 19
Being cheated on for the first time
But I’m not 19, I’m 20
You say we can’t afford it
And suddenly I’m 20
Realizing I can’t afford to live
But I am 20, and 21 seems too hard
Nov 26, 2023
Nov 26, 2023 at 12:42 PM UTC
I sit alone
Atop my throne
A kingdom of nothing
Towers built on lies
A river of melancholy surrounds my castle
A drawbridge of self-destruction protects the inside
Soldiers adorned in black to defend empty rooms
A massive table barren of nourishment for an empty belly
One chair
An extravagant bedroom
One king
Desperate for rest
He sleeps and wakes more lethargic than before
Dragging his feet through failures
Decrees from the highest place
One day we will thrive
But all his advisors, his subjects, servants and supporters
Are gone
Apr 7, 2022
Apr 7, 2022 at 3:28 AM UTC
You're not made of roses
Why can't you be easy
Is it perfect or broken
Why can't you need me
To your needs I molded
You just try to appease me
But my cards aren't folded
******* look and you'll see me
It's almost always good
So why am I hurting
You leave me in fear
I'm so sure heartbreak's lurking
Just love like the others
I am not your chore
Your head under covers
Why can't you give more
Feb 13, 2022
Feb 13, 2022 at 2:47 AM UTC
I can break my own heart now
Thoughts of you put it together again
Wasn't sure of want living was
But now I know how
You're wildflowers in a country meadow
A ray of sunlight through cloudy skies
It never rains
A waterfall over a lover's grotto
I still don't sleep
How could I
There are simply too many words to describe
This feeling deep
Assurance
Warmth
FREEDOM
being tied to another
not just one
tethered to your love
breaks the chains of fear
of doubt
of shame
Your name give me wings
You're every bit of sugar in my tea
I'll scream your name till it rings
Till it echos in the wind
Feb 3, 2022
Feb 3, 2022 at 5:02 AM UTC
Love or
leave me
dear God won't you reprieve me
Build me up
break me down
some things are easier when you're not around
I'm defeated
I'm tired
my thoughts uninspired
I've not a bed to sleep in
a cloth to weep in
the reaper comes creepin
Dec 2, 2021
Dec 2, 2021 at 4:18 AM UTC
I watched every episode of my favorite show intently
I didn't want to miss a minute of my escape from reality
A day of the world I wished I lived in
I listened to every song in my playlist on repeat
I wanted to break my heart enough times to stop healing
A melody of melancholy and dread
I wrote down the most gut-wrenching words I could think of
I needed to voice the pain that coursed through my veins
A pointless exercise as I'm not even clever enough for myself
Why can't the pictures on my screen come to life
Why can't the lyrics make me numb
Why can't the endless words I write down ever come close to showing how I feel
Misunderstanding cuts much deeper than malice
To hurt me you must know me
But to live unknown is a fate worse than death
Dying is easy young man, living is harder
Dec 2, 2021
Dec 2, 2021 at 4:09 AM UTC
One last kiss
One last dance
I walk this miserable, lonely, dark, grey, awful, life
In a trance
You broke my heart
I broke yours first
I think the memory of my selfishness, greed, lust, disloyalty
Hurts the worst
One day I'll build a home
One without my past life's mess
Even though we've grown apart, distant, away, separately
You'll always be my princess
I hope that one day I'll be given the chance
To give you that deserved romance
But if you had left me yesterday
I can't say I'd blame you anyway
Oct 4, 2021
Oct 4, 2021 at 1:40 AM UTC
Like a perfectly mixed recipe
A ray of sun, for her to bask under
A few drops of rain, to wash away her imperfections
Lots of healthy soil, for her to build strong roots
Fresh air, for her to sing when no one is listening
Give her just a bit to bake and soon you'll see
She grows towards the light like the tallest sunflower
Always chasing hope, always standing above the rest of the garden
Oct 4, 2021
Oct 4, 2021 at 1:19 AM UTC
Head weak
Can't sleep
Neck deep
Eyes weep
Thoughts creep
Words bleep
Sirens beep
Long ******* week
Oct 1, 2021
Oct 1, 2021 at 4:21 AM UTC
Burdened by her memory
Tortured by the ghost of his former
Whips and ropes
Beaten and restrained
He welcomes the punishment
She leaves him in the spring
For him the winter never ends
Even as the seasons come and go
One day he'll learn
Obligation is her errand
Her love remains in the seed
It never blooms until she's gone
One day he hopes to take it in
Even the lost need flowers
Sep 29, 2021
Sep 29, 2021 at 8:42 PM UTC